The Broken Creed
by AlexKirko
Summary: A year ago Naruto's Seal malfunctioned. Although Jiraya managed to fix it, it changed his life forever. Now Naruto has a secret that could get him targeted and killed even without him being a Jinchuuruki. This story has a darker world, gamer elements, relationship-building, messing with jutsu, and trying to figure out how the Elemental Nations work. DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes

The key to this story is that Naruto's Seal malfunctioned about a year before the start of it, and the solution the Third Hokage and Jiraya attempted backfired (what exactly happened will be revealed later). Now Naruto's life is like an RPG in many respects: he can learn physical skills from books, skip boring actions using jump cuts, and so on. Unlike other stories, however, this isn't a Gamer crossover, and there is a lore-friendly (neutral/acceptable/barely believable) explanation behind it.

I'm also reworking the world itself into something more realistic and dark, so if you want to know more, details are at the end of the chapter. There will, however, be no slash, no God Mode, and no bashing in this story.

I don't own Naruto. It was created by Masashi Kishimoto and published in Shonen Jump. I am, however, borrowing its world and characters for fun and no profit.

Let's jump right in.

The Broken Creed

Naruto woke up, checked his character sheet for the rest bonus, took a shower, sealed the spoilt orange juice into a scroll, took the scallions, carrots, and chicken out of the fridge, and put them into the oven to roast. Courtesy of his tenant, his hands moved with the precision and fluidity of an experienced chef, and his eyes now glazed over during the particularly difficult bits. Naruto had a right to be proud of that, he thought, because at the beginning he had completely blacked whenever he cooked.

He felt a flutter in his stomach and knew that his tenant was awake. He didn't go down to say good morning: spending that much energy to get a bucket of verbal abuse was dumb. Naruto focused on remaining aware instead, carefully adding oil to the flour first and then introducing the eggs and kneading the resulting dough. At one point he heard an early morning bird singing from outside his window and wondered what it would be like to live in the north, where there were other seasons except summer. They had winter in Konoha, but it wasn't real winter: the temperature fell by fifteen degrees or so, and a less battered orange jacket was enough to keep warm.

When Naruto looked back to the kitchen counter, he found that the dough had been kneaded, rolled out, and cut into neat stripes. Also, judging by the clock on the wall, fifteen minutes had passed. He cursed.

He finished cooking, ate his ramen, put on his gear and exited the academy. Five grim men smelling of fish and stale alcohol stood in front of his house, smelling and looking like pickles that went bad a week ago.

"Demon-brat," they said. When they opened their mouths, the stench got worse, spoiling the heavenly rich aftertaste of ramen that still lingered in his mouth.

"Oi, morons, get out of the way before I put you in the hospital," he said. Naruto opened his left kunai pouch in an exaggerated motion and reached behind his back with his right hand for the sealing scroll.

"Who do you think you are, demon-brat?" a man with a rat-like face and a pig-like body asked.

"Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage," he answered, his hand now in place. "Right now, a civilian, which means I can do this."

The idiots were watching his left hand, so he had no trouble unfurling the small scroll he used for garbage disposal and unleashing its contents at them. Eight packs of orange juice smashed into the group, adding sour notes to the already impressive collection of odors. Naruto grinned and ran.

He was sure he would get grilled by the landlord later, but the opportunity to prank the drunks was worth it. They always came for him after building up their courage throughout a night of chugging down alcohol.

He was the first to arrive to class. Naruto liked the auditorium without the students: comfortable wooden chairs, the gentle slope of the floor, butter-soft lights, and the empty blackboard that promised mystery. There was another reason for him coming so early. The door opened and the bearer of the most beautiful forehead in the world walked in.

"Sakura-chan, good morning. Please go out with me!"

She just rolled her eyes and walked to the first row where she usually sat. Naruto sighed and got out his kanji textbook. He was glad his ability didn't work on basic things like walking, breathing, and reading, but he could have used some help with learning thousands of symbols that the whole world used for writing to make encryption unbelievably complicated. He could memorize the drawings almost instantly, but the pronunciation killed him. Most kanji had two ways they sounded in different circumstances and some had five, and he hated them all and the stupid orphanage that hadn't taught him basics that every child with a family got for free. Old Man had offered to hire a teacher for him after Jiraya's visit a year ago, but Naruto would rather eat cardboard than have someone teach him to read at the age of twelve.

"—and so Minato Namikaze stopped the Iwagakure incursion into our territory by single-handedly defeating a thousand Stone shinobi which led to the peace treaty and the end of the Third Shinobi War. Any questions?"

Naruto heard Iruka's voice but didn't pay much attention to it. After failing the exam two times he could recite the course of the entire war without a hitch. He knew shinobi needed to learn history because of politics and stuff and made at least some effort to remember the lectures. The fact that they revised until even Kiba learned helped too. Speaking of dog-breath.

"Sensei, if the Fourth was so great, why did he die when he fought the Nine-Tails?" Kiba asked. "We get strong to survive things like that, right?"

Naruto growled and moved to stand up, but a slender hand on his shoulder held him back.

"Don't let the mutt get to you," said Ino.

Ino never said anything nice. The only reason why she even sat next to him in class sometimes was because Sasuke came by once in a while. Naruto was the only student the Uchiha grudgingly tolerated, and Ino, as the bravest in the fan club, decided to risk her image and hang around the Dead Last. It got her nowhere.

"Troublesome," said Shikamaru from his left.

"Shush," Ino said. "Sasuke-kun is about to roll the reeking mutt through dirt."

Naruto didn't know what it was with Ino and Kiba. She always gave the Inazuka a hard time, but he had never seen him do anything to her except mouth off when provoked. Sure, he smelled like dog, but all Inazuka were like that. Their house was half-kennels, and even Naruto knew that there was no way they could smell like roses.

Sasuke stood up, turned around, and glared at Kiba, who sat at the back of the auditorium.

"The point of getting strong is to serve the village," he said. "The Hokage saved us all by sacrificing himself and defeating the Demon Fox."

Kiba brushed Sasuke's reply aside with a wave and said, "Don't give me that. There are, what, nine Beasts? They roam the world all the time? Why don't we have plans to defend if they come?"

Naruto saw Ino nod thoughtfully before a look of self-disgust crossed her face.

"He has a point, you know," said Shikamaru. "The Tailed Beasts are supposed to be powerful but dumb forces of nature. There should have been something: an early warning system, Seals prepared in advance, that sort of thing."

"The Fourth was the strongest ninja ever and really good with Seals," said Naruto. "I bet the Fox jumped him, and he didn't have the time to get the really strong stuff out."

"Nothing can survive a prepared ninja," said Ino.

Meanwhile, Iruka shook his head and said, "It is unfortunate, but a lot of records from back then are lost, Kiba. Most sentries who were supposed to warn us of the attack died in it, so we don't know what exactly happened. What we know is that one moment the village was peaceful, and then we had the Fox tear through our defenses, people, and buildings."

"The sentries sucked then," said Kiba.

"Enough." Iruka slammed his hand on the table. "I won't have you slander men and women who died for this village. Our defenses are one of the best in the world: we have random patrols, ANBU surprise inspections, and a Hyuuga every mile or so."

"Then how did a fox the height of Hokage's tower get that close without us getting a warning?" asked Shikamaru.

"It appeared in the forest nearby and ran straight at the village."

Shikamaru frowned, rubbing his chin. "Foul play," he said.

"Anyway, this is it," said Iruka. "The genin exams are tomorrow. You will be tested in theory, practice, and performing Henge, Bunshin, and Kawarimi jutsu. Rest well tonight, and I wish you good luck."

After the lesson was over, Sasuke came by.

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino launched herself at the Uchiha attempting a surprise hug, but he sidestepped her. Ino crashed into a chair with a crack, and fell unconscious, her long blond hair spraying all over the dirty floor.

"She should put on some weight, or she'll break in two on her first mission." said Shikamaru. "See you tomorrow, Naruto."

Naruto nodded without looking away from Sasuke. The boy's eyes were as expressionless as ever and his dark hair stood in the same spikes on the back. Naruto suspected at least two jars of hair gel.

"Dweeb," said Sasuke.

"Bastard."

"We need to talk."

"Ichiraku or no deal."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, and they set out for the ramen shop. Naruto did his best to ignore the death glares Sasuke's fangirls were throwing at him.

"You like Ayame, don't you?" Naruto asked Sasuke.

"What?"

"Come on, Ichiraku is like the only place in town you go to when you don't need to, bastard." He tried to nudge Sasuke with an elbow, but the Uchiha was fast enough to jump back.

"I need to talk to you," he said.

"Uh-huh. Just a warning then. Old Man Teuchi is a former ninja. I bet he could kick your ass from here all the way to Snow Country."

Sasuke had that look of superiority that Naruto hated. He said, "That atlas I gave you is doing wonders for you, dweeb. And to think two months ago you confused Sunagakure with Water Country."

"Shut up."

The rest of the way passed in silence. Naruto wondered what Sasuke wanted to talk about. Their relationship became lukewarm half a year before, and this would be the fifth time they went to Ichiraku's. He didn't want to know what Sakura-chan thought, especially after that accidental kiss he and Sasuke had shared. It was a wonder the fan club hadn't killed him yet for that epic feat of clumsiness.

"Hi, old man," said Naruto, nimbly sliding into his usual spot. "Pork ramen and chicken ramen for me."

"One miso ramen, please," said Sasuke.

Uchiha had tried the arrogant bastard routine with Teuchi once but getting kicked out of the ramen stand taught him better. Naruto was glad, because otherwise he would have had to kick Sasuke's emo ass.

"Coming right up," said Ayame from the back. "Naruto, you have exams tomorrow, right? Good luck."

Teuchi moved to serve an old lady on their right, and Naruto turned to Sasuke. His classmate's face was locked into that perpetual scowl he always wore, and he wondered if it was some sort of hereditary illness.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked.

Naruto had finished his pork ramen already. Sasuke ate about a third of his bowl.

"If you pass the exam, they'll put us on one team," said Sasuke.

Naruto looked at him with suspicion. "We aren't supposed to know," he said. "And why does it matter?"

"I asked around." Uchiha shrugged. "You need to pass."

"So you just, what, walked up to one of the teachers and they told you?"

"Yes. Mizuki."

"Oh," Naruto shifted in his seat uneasily. "Why would he tell you that? He doesn't like me. And why are you telling me this? Not like we are best buddies."

Sasuke looked around the stand, and it looked like the simple surroundings made him even more uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and said, "Because you are the only one in our class who can help me get stronger."

Naruto just stared. What little he knew about Sasuke's history made him weary of pushing the other boy's buttons too much.

Sasuke kept resolutely looking into his ramen bowl as he said, "You have the Sharingan."

Naruto blinked and then burst into laughter forgetting that he had broth in his mouth. It went everywhere in a spray of greasy brown: onto his clothes, the table, back into the bowl.

"Naruto," said Teuchi with an exasperated look. "How many times did I tell you not to talk with your mouth full?"

Naruto had the good grace to rub the back of his head sheepishly and accept the cloth the ramen stand owner offered him. He wiped the counter first and then himself. Naruto almost always ate by himself except for when he came to Ichiraku's, so he suspected his table manners were shit.

"This is not funny," said Sasuke, his scowl growing sharper. "It's the only explanation that makes sense."

"Man, this is bad," said Naruto, trying to rub out an octopus-shaped stain on his lap. It seemed to writhe in defiance. "I'll have to go to the laundry now. They hate me there."

Naruto finished patting himself with the cloth, folded it into a neat rectangle, and gave it back to the old man. Then he picked his bowl up and continued drinking the broth. He could see Sasuke squirm next to him out of the corner of his eye. He told himself this was for the bastard's own good—Uchiha could use more patience. Eventually, Naruto was done. He wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin and picked up the chopsticks to start eating the meat.

"For Kami's sake, Naruto!" Sasuke banged a fist on the table, which made all the bowls rattle.

"Uchiha-san, would you like a repeat of what happened when you first came here?" asked Teuchi.

Naruto saw Sasuke go red, but the bastard held inside whatever he wanted to say. He figured he'd cut his classmate some slack.

"Sasuke, where the hell did that idea come from? Only your family has those eyes, right?"

Since his ability had surfaced, he had been doing some reading on his own time. It was slow, he hated it, but he needed to be at least knowledgeable about the major Clans and Bloodline Limits if he wanted to make Hokage one day. The Old Man had hooked him up with some secondhand books, and it helped.

"You are an orphan," said Sasuke. "Who knows who your parents are."

Naruto shook his head and said, "Man, you are trying hard to sell this to yourself. Have you seen me? Blond? Whisker marks? Blue eyes?"

Sasuke deflated a bit, but it didn't look like he was going to give up. "Maybe your other parent? Somebody might have slept around?"

"Bastard, they teach ninjas about basics of sex and contraception in first year." He shuddered. "And we repeat that horror every freaking autumn. Thank Kami that they don't teach it with girls and boys in the same room anymore."

Konoha was a ninja village, which was the most awesome place to live in Naruto could imagine, but it also meant that little things like psychological trauma and awkwardness went out of the window as soon as efficiency came up. If teaching a seven-year-old about resisting torture brought results, they would do it. At least, it wasn't war and the grittier parts of the job were left to the future Jounin instructor of the ninja-hopefuls. Or perhaps the Academy simply couldn't afford to bring in specialized teachers when so many students would never become Genin.

Sasuke nodded and said, "Well, alright, but somebody could still be careless."

Naruto shook his head and laughed. "You saw me train. Did you see red eyes?"

"It was dark. Besides, the Sharingan works a bit even before activating. You might be a prodigy."

Naruto blinked. The conversation had taken his attention away from ramen, and he had thought that to be impossible. You learned something every day.

He said, "So let me get this straight. You saw me learn some skills fast a couple times, and you thought that I'm what? A blonde bastard Uchiha Dead Last?"

He could see Sasuke getting more and more annoyed, which worked for him: people tended to do dumb shit when they were angry. Kami knew, he had made plenty of bad choices for that reason. He saw Sasuke close his eyes and take a deep breath. Damn.

"Well, what am I supposed to think?" said Sasuke "You saw me use Katon once. Nobody would teach you, because they all think you are a sure dropout, except maybe Iruka. And then I see you practicing it."

Naruto had finished his ramen by this point and paid for it.

He said, "Tell you what. If we get on one team, I'll tell you how I did it."

"But—"

"Only an idiot would blab about his abilities to another ninja."

###

"You look ridiculous," said Naruto.

The Nine-Tailed Fox lifted his head off the giant orange cushion he had been sleeping on, opened one eye, and yawned. The inhale of air raised a squall and made Naruto's hair into a crow's nest. The fox then beat the cushion with his front paws and laid his head back on it with a contended sigh.

"Hey, don't ignore me," said Naruto.

"I was dreaming of jumping sheep. Just flying merrily through the air where I would strike, snap my jaws, and have a nice snack." A giant orange eye opened again. "What do you want, brat?"

The voice was like a mountain avalanche and it echoed off the bare walls of the giant hall, which sported a cushion, a giant table with a computer on it (which wasn't like anything found in the Elemental nations), and shelves with books and scrolls disappearing into the darkness above. There was no ceiling.

Naruto stood outside, in the sewer separated from the hall with a gate of metal bars as thick as tree boughs, seemingly held closed by a single sheet of paper. The air was wet and stank of his nervousness.

"You've redecorated," he said.

"The sofa just had to go," said the fox. "Have you come to let me out?"

Naruto did an eye roll and said, "I have the Academy exam tomorrow."

"I don't care."

"I thought you might help. Give me some advice."

The fox grinned, and his smile a fence of white blades. "Sure. Steal a bottle of gin from a liquor store. Then get smashed when you fail. Face it, kit, you won't ever be able to do the Bunshin jutsu."

"How do you know they'll be testing Bunshin?" asked Naruto.

"Please. Funny how the only thing you can't do always ends up on the test every year."

"I need to pass."

The fox got up, walked off the cushion and stretched, its back flowing like a tsunami rushing toward a shore. The only thing that didn't scream danger about it was that it was orange.

"Why do you need to pass?" the demon asked. "Your abilities will let you grow faster than anyone if you train. You can just improve, copy, and learn new skills until the Hokage hands you the head protector. Why bother with the stupid exam?"

Naruto squeezed his fists. There were many reasons: because he didn't want to wait, because he wanted everyone to see that he wasn't just a class clown, because he needed to show Sakura he was as good as Sasuke-teme. None of these would mean anything to the fox.

"What do you want for your help?"

The fox grinned, and brought its face close to the bars. Naruto could see his entire reflection in one of the upper canines.

"Give me control for the exam, and I'll pass it for you."

Naruto stared, then looked around the sewer he was standing in. He said, "Fumes getting to you or something? Even if I believed you wouldn't just murder everyone around you, which I don't, passing would make you a Konoha ninja and not me. Just teach me something that will fool them into thinking I can do Bunshin."

The demon reared its head back, opened its mouth, and waves of rolling thunder filled the room—even the fox's laughter heralded a catastrophe. The demon said, "Suit yourself. Your precious dreams hold no interest to me. Your power does, but you aren't getting out of growing stronger, brat, we both know that. Maybe becoming a rogue-nin will be good for you."

"Screw you, fluffball."

The fox went back to sleep, and Naruto woke up.

###

It was the day of the exam, and Naruto didn't know what to do. Despite what Sasuke thought, his ability wasn't like Sharingan at all. Or it was and he didn't understand how Sharingan worked. The instructors hadn't taught them much about Bloodline Limits.

Naruto had skills; skills had branches; specific techniques belonged to a particular branch. He pulled up his character sheet with a wave of his hand. The cerulean tree was huge and was mostly filled with different-colored question marks. The skill Bunshin was under the Foundations branch under the Genjutsu skill. Naruto had a whopping -30 penalty to Genjutsu from being the holder of the Nine-Tails and another -30 for his crappy chakra control. He'd been training, and his current level was 17/100. His Taijutsu was 21, and he could kick the asses of almost any Academy student except Kiba and Sasuke, so he thought seventeen was okay. The problem was that with penalties his illusion arts were still at -43. He would have been better at Genjutsu as a caterpillar with one chakra coil that had somehow acquired the skill. Half the Bunshins he made were so horrible they exploded into illusory smog that made him nauseous, and others just dropped to the floor with a dull thud and keeled off in two seconds.

He ate his morning bowl of milk with cereal and left for the Academy when the beginnings of a plan started to form in his mind. Genin were the lowest rank of ninja, and the exam was supposed to weed out the candidates who would only hurt themselves if they graduated. So what he needed to do was convince the instructors that he was already awesome and didn't need to stay another year. He wasn't sure more time would help his Bunshin.

An hour later the thrown weapons exam began. Normally, Naruto's score would be average, but he couldn't afford to hold back this time. Sasuke stepped back from the line. Nine out of his ten kunai hit the center of the circle and one was slightly out. A couple children from civilian families where next with terrible scores, and Shino was only one point behind Sasuke.

As Naruto stepped close to the line, Shino said to him in his usual monotone, "I expect you to pass."

Naruto shivered. "Thanks," he said.

A kunai settled in his hand, and Naruto stopped cycling chakra through his system and let his constant Genjutsu take full hold. His nervousness faded away; he stopped feeling hunger; he became more aware of his environment but not of his stance or how he held his kunai.

Naruto put the targeting dot two inches above the center of the target and threw. The blade hit the bullseye. He repeated the throw. He knew that from outside he looked like a machine but hoped people would write it off to muscle memory. Naruto hit the target ten out of ten, and he was forced to add a bit of spread to stop the kunai from bumping into each other.

"You don't look happy, Naruto," said Shikamaru.

Naruto caught himself and plastered on his usual grin. He said, "Just thinking about the written exam."

"Yeah, that's going to be troublesome," said the Nara and stepped up to the line.

Naruto saw Sasuke step up to him. "Still going to deny it, dweeb?"

"Yep."

"Hn."

The last Uchiha stepped away, and Naruto allowed himself a smile. A year ago his throwing was crap. Iruka tried to teach him proper technique, but the basics had been ingrained into Naruto back when Mizuki had taught the class. Naruto didn't know whether it had been on purpose, but his former thrown weapons instructor had taught him the wrong footwork which messed with his targeting no matter what kind of skills he tried to build on top of it. After getting his ability, it took him a week of practice to fix everything, and he had spent a year training in thrown weapons after that. The targeting dot had appeared after level thirty, and now his kunai would hit the same spot as long as he kept it in one place.

Iruka who was evaluating the exam marked Naruto's result with a frown. He said, "It's a perfect score, Naruto, but I expected more variety from you. Just chugging the kunai like that telegraphs your aim, and any good ninja will be able to dodge them after a few throws."

Naruto bowed his head and went to the back of the training area to wait for the spars. He knew that his instructor was right, but this was about passing.

The written test lasted two hours, and with every minute Naruto's hopes for acing everything except the jutsu part of the exam waned. He answered most of the history questions without a hitch, scribbling across the pages at top speed. Ninja history was cool, and he had been studying. But there were other blocks: geography, politics, infiltration basics, and math. He thought he did okay on everything but math, which had a bunch of questions about weapon reach, view angles, and so on. Why would anyone need any of that crap when they just knew where to throw a kunai for it to hit a target? He didn't spend half an hour to calculate blind spots in Anbu patrols when planning a prank, and it didn't stop him from getting away from them every time. He had an hour when nothing but math was left, and he solved only two problems in that hour: some basic throw mechanics and breaking a simple code. He felt nervous fluttering in his stomach and waited for the jutsu portion of the exam.

Half an hour later he stood in front of Iruka after managing to Kawarimi with him, Henge into the Hokage, and then fail miserably with Bunshin.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," said his instructor. "The Academy Three are a requirement. If your Clone Technique were simply bad, we would pass you. Your throwing skills are superb, and you really outdid yourself on the written exam this time. You were actually above average." Iruka's smile hurt him. "I'm sure you'll pass next year. Learning one technique shouldn't be a problem with your perseverance."

Naruto thanked him, turned around, exited the building, and punched a tree in the training ground until his knuckles bled. This was where Mizuki found him.

Chapter end notes

Welcome to both my returning and new readers. Hope you find this story fun; consider leaving feedback if you do. I have a Star Wars fic I'm starting in parallel, and the better liked one is the one that will have chapters appearing regularly.

There is no other fandom like Naruto. The manga and anime are unbelievably popular, and yet Kishimoto has left such huge holes in his universe that it's heaven for fanfic writers. Honorable ninjas, unbalanced jutsu, and characters that you constantly want to smack on the head to start thinking instead of angsting and being dumb. It's my favorite shonen manga, so why shouldn't I try to mutate it into an abomination that would make the author of the original shudder?

When I started working on this story, I intended to make it a crack-fic with only the barest hint of common sense. You know, the kind where Naruto beats bad guys dead with their own torn off limbs and then goes home to his super-realistic family of ten beautiful women. Then I wrote the opening to that story and hated it.

What I realized is that I can't do cartoonish characters: I just don't get into it enough to make them funny for the reader. I suppose the screams of disbelief in my head get in the way. So I reworked my Naruto, toned back the Gamer mechanics, and here we are in a fic that will mostly be about playing with the Naruto universe and character building. He can still do cool stuff, of course, but I pushed said cool stuff into the realm of remote possibility based on what I know about chakra and jutsu. The core is now working out how a ninja village would actually work, how different could characters develop, and how this world, in general, lives.

Fair warning: I will be going off the manga plot rails completely sometime around the Chuunin exam. Also, I'm not taking away Naruto's main motivator. He is still feared by most of the village and wants to get recognition and fix what he sees as wrong with the village. And find out what the whole dating thing is about. And how to cook tasty ramen without using a bag of salt. And find a friend or two.

So I hope to make a good cocktail out of this: stretching chakra mechanics, plenty of light and dark humor, solid characters and plot. We'll see how it goes.

A final note. This story is inspired by 'The Gamer' Korean manga, among other things. its premise is genius, but I won't be borrowing any particular skills, perks, or mechanics from it. Besides, that story moves with the speed of a dead snail, so we shall speak of it no more.

As always, I read all the reviews, and you can PM me ideas.

Stay shiny.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes

Hello, everyone. Sorry for the delay: life has been a bit too interesting for these past few months. The world has been a bit too interesting too, now that I mention it...

All terms (Chakra, Ninjutsu, Chuunin) are capitalized.

I don't own Naruto and I'm not making any money here. This is purely for fun.

At the end of the chapter you will find notes with a short breakdown of various kinds of jutsu, and how it all works for this story. Check it out if you are interested.

Let's hop right in.

 **Chapter 2**

Mizuki was the kind of ninja that seemed destined to end up as an academy instructor. His grey hair framed a triangular face that was stretched into an easy smile, and his steps were quiet. The smile made a shiver run down Naruto's spine: Mizuki was like most of Konoha, and people like that never smiled when Naruto was around. As far as Naruto knew, the teacher didn't have any special abilities, weapons, or anything that would make him stand out. Just a run-of-the-mill boring-ass ninja who didn't like him.

He stepped away from the tree, turned to the Chuunin, and bowed. "Mizuki-sensei," he said.

"Feeling angry, Naruto?" He got closer and inspected the tree Naruto had been demolishing. "These are some impressive punches."

"It wasn't enough," said Naruto. "Not with that damn Bunshin on the test."

Mizuki touched the bark and traced the outline of one of the depressions in the bark. He nodded, clicked his tongue, and stepped back.

"You know, there was a kid a while back," he said. "Bushy eyebrows, weird costume, really bad at anything requiring him to push Chakra outside his body. Couldn't even Kawarimi, but we still passed him."

Naruto felt his breath hitch in his throat, as a familiar orange rage started to encroach upon his vision. He blinked and, with a tensing of his muscles, pushed it back where it belonged. It wouldn't do to give the fox more ammunition.

"How did he pass if he couldn't do jutsu?" he asked.

"His Jounin vouched for him, said the kid could pull his weight. And he was unbelievably good at Taijutsu. I haven't seen anything at that level in a Genin candidate before."

Naruto stomped his foot, "I am good at Taijutsu."

"I know, but Iruka wants to be sure you have the skills to make it as a ninja. You see, you don't have a Jounin as an adopted father, so you need to prove yourself." Mizuki walked up to the tree. "This is why I convinced the other staff to give you a second chance. A practical exam that will determine if you can get the job done."

Mizuki went into a low stance, brought both of his fists to his waist and jabbed at the bough with a quick strike. There was a sharp crack, and bark flew everywhere. The imprint of his fist went a good inch into the wood.

Naruto felt suspicion swell inside him at the display and struggled to keep his face relaxed. He said, "I would take any chance, sensei."

Mizuki's smile became unnervingly wide. "Don't worry, Naruto," he said. "This is all above board. Bunshin is a distraction and infiltration technique, so your mission will be an infiltration one. We have a scroll planted in the Hokage's tower. It's the biggest, most obvious one in storage at the third floor. Your mission is to retrieve it and bring it to me at a rendezvous point. If you manage to do so without alerting the guards, you will pass and become a Genin. I've even put into it a few techniques you can study if you are fast enough. If you fail, you will come back to the Academy for another year if they let you in. I have to tell you, Naruto, you've been with us for a while, and your scores are pretty bad. Chances are, if you fail this, you are done. Do you accept?"

Naruto nodded. "I will get that forehead protector," he said.

"Good. The sun has already set. I suggest you try in two hours when there will be a change of guard. Meet me in the forest over there when you are done." He gestured to a heavily wooded training ground. "Good luck."

Mizuki left. Naruto waited for a minute and went the other way. He headed home, too distracted to be stealthy. As always, many villagers whispered and pointed when they thought he wouldn't notice, and sometimes they did it in plain sight. It was late evening, and the townspeople looked like shadowy demons in the dancing orange light of the lanterns that hung off homes and shops. Nobody was drunk enough to attack him yet.

Naruto was weary of any displays of kindness coming from adults. Iruka treated him to ramen when he did especially well in classes or when he cleaned up after a messy prank. Teuchi and Ayame felt like family he had never had, and the Old Man Hokage had helped him back when Naruto couldn't stand up for himself, so he would always have his trust. Often, however, people would only pretend to be nice. Shopkeepers, smiling and giving him spoilt products and kunai that would get chipped when hitting straw dummies. Passer-by, telling him the way to somewhere he needed to go and instead sending him to a training ground full of snakes one bite from which would make him nauseous and weak for days. Even instructors at the academy, giving him more attention than other students, only to plant stuff in his technique that he'd spend months fixing later. Mizuki had no reason to like him, and the man's attempts to ingratiate himself with Naruto were interspersed with some of the worst teaching practices Naruto had ever seen. Something was definitely up.

Naruto got back to his ramshackle apartment building, lay on his bed, and stared at the ceiling for a while. As he relaxed and let his Chakra flow normally, the Genjutsu reasserted itself. A point of azure light appeared above him and then exploded into a chart that covered the cracked ceiling paint. It had a part devoted to every aspect of his being: his skills, his attributes, the items he had, the house he lived in, the people he knew. Naruto raised a hand and blew up the last section, searching for Mizuki. He found the man quick enough.

Chuunin. Relationship—Despised (?). Konoha Status—Chuunin, Academy instructor.

There was also an evaluation of the man's skills based on what Naruto had seen during training. Above his own but not too impressive. Naruto groaned in frustration.

The problem was he had nothing to prove foul play. He had been in this situation before when villagers hurt him. The Hokage might believe him, but even his power was limited without some kind of evidence. Mizuki had acted out of character, and there was always something off about how he would pretend to be Naruto's friend at one moment, and then give him an F for average homework. The Academy didn't have many teachers: Iruka and Mizuki handled almost everything, and with one of them intent on getting something from him, he would have trouble passing. And he was sure that Mizuki wanted something from him. Perhaps the scroll was real? But why would he expect an academy student to get it? All the thinking was starting to hurt his head.

He could go to Sasuke for help. The Uchiha had pull simply by being the last member of one of Konoha's founding clans. But he didn't want to risk losing respect of one of the few classmates that didn't treat him like a waste of space.

Naruto didn't know what exactly was going on, but he knew he was being set up. He opened his wardrobe and took ninja wire, kunai, rope, and a couple of pulleys. As he slunk back to the forest, he was as silent and stealthy as a leaf on the wind.

###

Breaking into the Hokage's tower was almost laughably easy. There were two teams of Anbu on guard duty, but Naruto knew both their patrol routes and the way they moved, the intervals they checked their surroundings at, and how many sentries they kept hidden in the shadows. It would take Shikamaru five minutes to figure out a way inside, he thought.

Something was wrong with that. Jiraya had once told him how he had lived half a year next to some daimyo's castle to research the defenses before finally stealing the lord's most valuable correspondence without using any jutsu except wall-walking. There had been ninjas in that place, and yet it hadn't helped. Konoha was better: they randomized patrols and sentry duty here, but, after playing with Anbu for a year, he knew them well enough to be sure he wouldn't get caught. Anbu were the best of the best, and there was only a limited number of them even in a place as big as Konoha.

Naruto was tempted to enter the front door during a guard switch, but decided not to risk it. He waited forty minutes for an opportune moment, slunk low to the bottom of the tower, and climbed an adjacent building using the gaps between the stones. There was no plaster on the structure, and the slits were tiny, but he was small, light, and not afraid of a little pain that followed pulling himself up by the tips of his fingers. There was an Anbu with one of the squads that always gave him trouble. She wore a squirrel's mask and it often seemed to him that she could see through the back of her head and for a couple hundred feet too. But her watch had just ended, and he vaulted through the first-floor window without trouble.

It was even easier on the inside. During the day, the Hokage had visitors, and the guard was heavier. At night, the Old Man was buried in paperwork with a Chuunin assistant, and a few sentinels were in the halls, patrolling. Naruto's nose served him better than his ears here. Guards worked in eight-hour shifts, it was time for a change in half an hour, and they reeked.

He would tip-toe to a corner, raise his head a little, and sniff. He would listen for breath, rustling of clothes, a step—anything. Then he would move. In another fifteen minutes, he was on the third floor where the scrolls were housed. He saw the big one Mizuki had described and was reaching for it when a movement of air alerted him to someone in the room. There was no sound, and no smell, but something moved. Naruto spun around.

There stood the third Hokage, hat and all, hands folded on his chest.

"What are you doing in my home, Naruto?" he asked.

"Sexy Jutsu!"

Naruto didn't think, he didn't even notice how his hands formed the seal for the Henge technique. Naruto's form exploded in smoke, and out sauntered a blond naked bimbo with wisps of fog drifting across her assets and dissipating tantalizingly slowly.

The Hokage's eyes rolled into the back of his head, and Sarutobi fainted and fell onto the floor with a soft thud. Bood trickled out of his nose and unto the floor.

"Huh," said Naruto and picked up the scroll.

Getting out of the tower was even easier than getting in, because nobody expected somebody to be breaking out. With two teams, they couldn't cover everything, and Naruto was able to make his way through a fourth-floor window and quietly get down through a series of drops. Then he simply walked away. The scroll was now safely sealed inside a piece of paper he always carried on himself in case he needed to move something heavy or unwieldy. He knew the Hokage would be waking up soon.

Naruto headed to the forest.

###

He took an hour to fake the scroll. He used a blank one, a brush, and some ink. He took the string that was used to tie together the real Forbidden Scroll, tied his fake with it and then wrote FORBIDDEN on the back of the fake for good measure in giant kanji that sort of looked like the ones on the original. Then he moved two hundred or so feet away from the rendezvous point and, with trembling hands, opened the scroll he had stolen.

"That is some messed up shit," he said.

In five minutes he read about a dozen high-risk techniques. Really, they looked like something you would want your enemy to learn and then just leave them to their fate. A Limb-Propelling jutsu, really? Coating the ninja's legs in streams of fire that let them fly for a mile before crashing into the ground at great speed while leaving a trail of smoke behind and giving the ninja horrible burns. Between a foot and two was devoted to every technique and the scroll was about twenty feet long.

He read, "Fake Death. Stop your own heart and then somebody else needs to restore it. Seventy percent chance not to die. Even Tsunade wouldn't take this gamble. Acid Blood. Make your enemies hurt themselves by turning your blood into acid when they cut you. Progressively damages your blood vessels every time you use it. No, thanks. Ultimate Shunshin. Instantly transport yourself five hundred feet horizontally without a seal. Fifty percent of ending up two hundred feet underground. Forty-five percent of ending up one hundred feet in the air. Urgh."

On and on it went, one suicidal technique after another. At the very end of the scroll he found something different. Tajuu Kage Bunshin—Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu. An infiltration technique for creating multiple clones that would be able to share experiences with the user when dispersed. No warnings.

He let his Genjutsu take hold, and an overlay appeared above the scroll, giving him info on the techniques if he learned them. Naruto wasn't the best with math, but the amount of Chakra most of these consumed was simply ridiculous, and the only one he could learn in the next few hours was Tajuu Kage Bunshin. It was a Bunshin, though, and he needed that.

###

Hours later, he heard someone move through the forest some distance away. Naruto sealed the real scroll, tied the fake one around his back, and went toward the sound. The question now was if it was Mizuki or somebody else. Konoha had some of the best trackers in the world, and it was suspicious that he had been given even this much time.

A familiar figure darted around a tree and at him.

"Sensei, look out!" he cried, but Iruka was already jumping over the spike pit and the ninja wire Naruto had prepared.

He landed in front of Naruto without making a sound and placed callused hands on Naruto's shoulders. Dawn was approaching and the shadowed scar across Iruka's nose looked like a tattoo.

"Naruto, what the hell were you thinking?" his teacher asked. "We need to come to Hokage at once. An outpost got attacked, and the Inuzuka were tracking the mercenaries responsible, but they are getting here now, and they will find you in a minute. You might be trialed for treason at this rate." He started shaking Naruto like a sack of flour. "I know you didn't pass, but you didn't need to do this, it's just another year. Breaking into the Hokage tower—"

Naruto didn't hear anything.

Iruka stopped talking, jerked his head, and hugged Naruto to his chest, covering the boy completely with his body. Soft thumps reverberated through his teacher and then Iruka slid to the forest floor. There wasn't enough light yet to see color, and blood soaked the dark-grey shirt in ugly black blotches spreading from the kunai and shuriken stuck into his sensei's back. Naruto realized that he was grinding his teeth and growling threateningly, his fingers bent into claw-like shape. He still had the reflexes from the year before, but the altered seal wouldn't let through the Chakra from the fox. The only strength he could get was the illusion he now always had on him.

"Mizuki, you stupid, conceited fuck," he said into the dark. "I will ship you to Torture and Interrogation in separate boxes."

"And how will you do that, demon-brat?"

Naruto got the direction the voice came from, sniffed the air and moved, placing the bulk of his traps between them. He also stopped cycling Chakra completely, letting the illusion suffuse his senses and emotions. He heard a thunderous chuckle in the back of his head, but the fox knew better than to ask for control now. Naruto blinked, and the twilight vanished, his eyes adjusting beyond anything possible for a normal human and his brain filling the gaps. The world was no longer in shades of grey: it was black and white. He saw Mizuki stepping from behind a tree, and a ruby outline pulsed into existence around him.

"Give up, Dead Last. You could never beat a full-fledged Chuunin. Why don't you save yourself the embarrassment and give me the scroll. I might even consider not finishing Iruka off."

Naruto tasted blood and realized that his sharp canines had bitten into his cheeks without him realizing. He saw it now: Iruka's back barely rising and falling.

"Bring it, you traitorous piece of shit!" he shouted.

He saw Mizuki grin and dash forward with kunai in both hands at a speed Naruto couldn't hope to match.

A string of ninja wire snapped.

The traitor reacted immediately, diving and rolling to the side and barely missing two kunai that flew from the shadows. As he landed, however, ground gave under Mizuki's weight, and he went down with a muffled yelp followed by a scream of pain. Sharp wooden spikes weren't the best thing to put into a pit—at least not without poisoned barbed wire—but it was enough to occupy an overconfident Chuunin for three seconds.

Naruto straightened his middle and index fingers on both hands and bent the rest, then he formed a Cross Seal. This was the technique: just one Seal, some intent, and a proper impulse given to the Chakra. There was nothing to it, except that a ninja could pour any amount of Chakra into the Jutsu, including enough to die of Chakra exhaustion on the spot. He felt for the channel formed by the Seal and dumped all he hadn't spent while training into the technique just as Mizuki's bloodied hand appeared above the pit. The area filled completely with smoke appearing in muffled explosions.

"You shouldn't have done that, brat. It wasn't your fault you became the demon fox, so I was going to kill you quickly—" His head appeared above the edge of the pit, and then his eyes widened. "What the hell is this?"

Naruto felt his eyes sting a little as Chakra automatically poured into them to improve his sight in the smoke. The world exploded into greys and then reds as his body tried to adjust to the lack of light. Thankfully, it took only a moment for the smoke to clear.

The small clearing was full of Narutos. They were on the ground, they were up in the branches, they were pouring onto Mizuki from above. The original Naruto cracked his knuckles and dove in. The traitor managed to disperse twenty or so clones before becoming overwhelmed. He was agile and strong, as expected from a Chuunin, but he didn't have any area attacks or real room to maneuver. A punch landed, and Mizuki burst the clone into a puff of grey with a kunai, only for another copy of Naruto to burst through the smoke and kick him in the stomach. That clone died too, but two more took its place. A punch went over the traitor's head, and he tried to jump over a leg sweep only for a roundhouse kick to slam into his back launching Mizuki into a barrage of punches where he was tossed around like a ragdoll.

While the enemy was busy clearing some space with groggy kunai swipes, Naruto vaulted off the shoulders of one of his clones, launched himself into the air ten feet and dropped on top of Mizuki, slamming his right heel on top of the Chuunin's head as he came down. With a deeply satisfying crunch, the man crumbled to the ground and stayed there, unmoving.

The clones' right arms shot into the air before all of them dispersed. Naruto fell to his knees, clutching his head with both hands at the sudden influx of memories of the battle from a hundred points of view. Scarlet encroached on his vision from the sides, but he held it at bay for a moment with an effort of will, and then there was a flash of red blanketing his vision. When it cleared, so did his head. Most of the clone memories were forgotten with only particularly violent ones remaining.

He said, "Good to know the moldy fur ball is good for something. Can't control me if something is already messing with my head."

###

Naruto tied Mizuki up and went to Iruka's side. The blood had stopped flowing some time before and his sensei was breathing more easily. Now that the adrenaline was fading, Naruto felt the blanket of tiredness softly wrap around him him and seep into his bones. He sat against a tree near to where his teacher was lying and started tossing a kunai into the air and catching it. He watched Mizuki just in case.

There was a groan, and Iruka said, "Naruto? Are you okay?"

His teacher braced his hands against the ground and pushed himself up to his knees.

"You shouldn't do that, sensei," said Naruto. "You'll hurt yourself."

Uzumaki moved to stop Iruka for a moment, but quickly realized he himself couldn't get up. His sensei crawled to him and slumped against the tree too. The sun was rising now, and Iruka's smile was golden, and his scar was a reddish stream across his nose.

"You have Chakra exhaustion, Naruto," he said. "You should take better care of yourself."

With a suppressed twitch, Iruka lifted his arms behind his back and untied his head protector. Naruto watched, too tired to process what was going on.

"Here you go," said Iruka and handed the head protector to him. "I saw you during the fight. You made clones. That makes you qualified."

Naruto took the protector and turned it in his hands, watching sunlight play on its surface and flecks of reflected light dance on the massive trees surrounding Konoha.

"Mizuki is a traitor," he said.

"He behaved strange when he told us you had stolen the scroll. Far too eager, even if he never liked you. And I remembered the way he'd talk to you after lessons." Iruka's eyes closed. "I had to be sure. I'm sorry. You aren't the demon, Naruto. You are a Konoha shinobi."

"Hey, sensei, stay with me."

But Iruka's breath became shallow, and he was unconscious again. Trackers found them ten minutes later.

###

Iruka vouching for him was the only reason Naruto had been debriefed by the Hokage instead of being turned over to Torture and Interrogation for an inquiry—another reason to be grateful to his teacher. The injured Chuunin was in the hospital now, being treated for the cuts on his back. Nothing serious had been hit, and they had already sealed the cuts. Naruto would make sure to buy Iruka some ramen after his sensei recuperated.

They were supposed to be assigned to teams tomorrow, and he couldn't sleep. First he spent two hours polishing the head protector. Used up two sheets of sandpaper and rubbed an oil rag over it until threads started to break away. He could see his reflection in the metal now. It was kind of a girly thing to do, but it would get dirty soon enough.

Naruto put the headband on, caressed it gently, and tried to sleep. In another hour he found out that it was impossible to do so with a slab of metal tied to your forehead. At least, for someone who liked sleeping on his stomach. He did some stretches, took a walk around the building. Chakra reacted to his excitement, and its cycling through his coils made the world look almost normal.

The air was fresh, and there were no clouds. Konoha smelled of sweat, of dust, of steel and blood. He knew her well enough to love her despite all the dirt and the anger. Naruto walked the streets, looking at the glittering sky and keeping only enough attention on his surroundings to avoid drunkards. At night, only they and ninjas walked the streets of Konoha. Naruto had been an exception to that rule, but he was a ninja now. He wandered for an hour more, pondering how much closer to becoming Hokage he was. When he came out of his reverie, Naruto stood in front of the Academy, and it was one past midnight. He decided to break in.

###

He dreamt of ramen and the enormous trees surrounding Konoha and of the Hokage giggling as he read some book labeled 'Village budget', but Naruto knew it wasn't the budget, it was one of Jiraya's books, and there was a man running through a battlefield while something shot red beams from the sky, and he screamed for his teammates but couldn't find—

"You alright?"

Before he could think, his kunai was out, and his legs pushed off the floor, toppling the chair he'd been sleeping in and the table behind it. Naruto landed on his back with a resounding kraboom, and his head impacted the floor with a softer thunk. He opened his eyes, and there was Sakura, her pink hair as perfectly styled as ever and her eyes comically open. Naruto blinked and adopted the most deadpan expression he could master.

"Right," he said. "Did I miss anything?"

She blinked, and the hand she had been reaching toward him fell by her side. He saw a small cut across her right forearm. Blood trickled along it, down her fingers, and then dripped on the floor. Drip, drip, drip… Naruto looked at the kunai in his hand and saw the tiniest smidge of red on it.

"Shit," he said. "Sakura, I'm so sorry! Let me bandage it for you."

That was some kind of trigger, because Sakura jumped back a good five feet and drew her own weapon with her left hand. Her grip was too close to the blade, and she quivered.

"Stay back, you insane idiot! What the hell is wrong with you? I called and called, and you didn't wake up, and then I took a step closer—"

"It's how I would react," said somebody behind them, and Naruto recognized the voice.

He craned his head backward from his position on the floor, and, sure enough, there was Sasuke, seeming as nonchalant as ever, only his gaze was also affixed to the point where Sakura's blood was landing. Drip, drip, drip…

"Not helping, bastard," said Naruto. "Listen, Sakura, it's okay, I really know what I'm doing."

"Right, as if a stab-happy idiot like you knows anything about first aid."

"Actually… You know what, I'm not having this conversation while lying on the floor." Naruto bent backwards, put his palms against the ground, pushed off with his feet and somersaulted atop the table behind him. "At least bandage it yourself, Sakura-chan."

"You are pale as it is," added Sasuke.

That was enough to break through Sakura's concentration, and she glanced down at her forearm with a wince, going white in the process.

"Sure you don't want me to help?" asked Naruto. "No funny business, that's a promise."

Sakura shook her head, got a bandage from one of her pouches and began wrapping sterile cloth around the forearm. It took her a minute, but eventually she took the end into her mouth, cut through the bandage with the kunai and tied the finishing knot. Satisfied that she wasn't in danger anymore, Naruto finally took a look around the auditorium he had fallen asleep in. It was empty except for the three of them and, judging by the angle of the sun pouring light through the windows, the time was well past midday. He turned to Sasuke.

"What the hell happened?" he asked.

Sasuke said, "Well, we came at ten to be assigned to teams, everyone but Shikamaru and me thought you snuck in here to somehow cheat your way into becoming a Genin, but then I saw your head protector, and everyone shut up. Iruka assigned you, me, and Sakura to the same team as I had said. We wanted to wake you, but he told us you deserved sleep, whatever that means. Jounin instructors started showing up, taking their teams away, and soon we were left alone here, but you still slept. This was when Sakura got bored and decided to wake you without asking me whether it was a good idea."

Sakura's face turned the color of early sunrise and she looked down. She said, "Like you would know anything! It's not like you two live together."

"Weeeeell," said Sasuke, drawing out the sound and obviously enjoying the look of mounting horror on Sakura's face.

Naruto was between impressed and panicked. He stepped between the two of them.

"Look," he said. "Stop it, bastard. Nobody is living with anybody. Do you have any freaking idea what it's like having you talk to me from time to time? Your fangirls are crazy, Sasuke! They are like this fifty-year-old that spent all her life building up resentment, but somehow kept the hormones of a fifteen-year-old. I swear, I have no idea how they didn't kill each other or you yet."

Sasuke said, "I live in the former police headquarters of Konoha and regularly check and grease the traps and replace the explosive tags. People try to get in sometimes. No one has died. Yet. Medics in the village are really good."

Sakura looked to Naruto. Then to Sasuke. Again, to Naruto, then to Sasuke.

"Em . . . Sasuke-kun, are you joking?"

"I'm an Uchiha. We do not joke, unless it's when killing an enemy. Alone, in a field, sure that no one will hear us. Then and only then is it allowed. Normally in the form of haiku." He looked up to the ceiling.

"A blade in darkness.  
Cry blood before its beauty.  
Yet you piss in fear."

Naruto looked up too, wondering whether the haiku was scribbled there. The ceiling was blank.

"That was horrible," he said. "I see why you people never joke."

Sasuke shrugged, and an awkward silence fell. Naruto hadn't doubted the bastard's words that they would be on the same team, but he had hoped the third person would be a guy. He would take creepy Shino or dog-breath Kiba over any of Sasuke's fangirls any day of the week. Having Sakura nearby was kind of nice, but it lowered his already low chances with her. He wondered if negative numbers existed. There wouldn't be much use for them when doing math on ninja-stuff, but they could be pretty neat for describing the attention any male got when the last Uchiha was within fifty feet.

"Okay," he said. "When did the last team leave?"

"Two hours ago," said Sasuke. "Sarutobi Asuma—the Hokage's son—picked up Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji."

"Right," said Naruto. "Remember I told you I'd share my trick with you?"

The Uchiha perked up at that and it normally took Ayame to get any sort of emotional reaction out of the brooding ninja. Sasuke got out of his seat, walked for a few steps, then stopped.

"Wait," he said. "You didn't say you'd tell me if I would help you with something. There were no conditions."

"Because there were no conditions, I'm free to tell you whenever I want and still keep my word. Will you have a moment in three years? I don't want it to be too soon because you are such a busy guy."

He could see Sasuke grind his teeth before the other teen grinned, and his eyes flickered with emotion. Naruto blinked, and his classmate's stare again was one of a depressed homicidal fish. He came closer, and Naruto started laying out items from his portable trap kit on a school desk. Ninja wire, three small pulleys, a can of orange paint, a canned vial of rotting liquefied meat, a bundle of ninja needles.

Naruto said, "Maybe we put a chalk eraser above the door?

Sasuke looked his arsenal over and said, "Are you nuts? He's a Jounin, he won't fall for that. I'm not even sure he will fall for anything we can build."

"Oh, I'm not saying we use only the eraser." He picked up a senbon needle and twirled it in his hands. "I say we use the eraser and all this."

Sasuke looked at Sakura, who was standing five paces away, shuffling in place and staring at her feet. "Well," he said. "Aren't you going to help?"

"Why?" she asked. "We just graduated, and I heard that he can send us back if he doesn't like us, that not everyone makes it through. And now, just because the blond idiot here—"

"Suit yourself," said Sasuke turning to Naruto. "Now, what were you thinking, dweeb?"

Naruto glanced at his new teammates: one angry, the other obviously quivering from being that close to her idol. Oh, right, Sasuke hated fangirls. He said, "Sakura-chan, we could really use you for calculating angles. We need to impress our new teacher, right? What better way to impress him than by pranking him?"

"You just assume it's a man," said Sakura. "Well, if Sasuke-kun is doing it, I mean, it can't be that bad…"

Her voice trailed off, but she did step closer. Naruto didn't understand girls: one moment Sakura could be hitting him on the head with a book, yelling loud enough to be heard in Kumo, and then she would stand meekly in an endless loop of checking if her hair was fine, if her nails were fine, if her posture was fine. At least he approached romance the same way as everything else in life—with guts. Not that it worked.

"Okay, so the first thing we need to check is that whoever enters is wearing a Jounin's vest. I have exploding tags and kunai and paint that doesn't come off. Also oil and throwing needles dipped in chili extract."

"It would be hard to explain a mutilated orange civilian corpse to the Hokage," said Sasuke. "Needles could help make it look like somebody else killed him. We don't use needles often in Konoha."

"Right. So if there is no vest, then it's just the eraser and maybe the paint. Otherwise, we go all out."

###

They had pulled the drapes and shut the windows to make the room dim, leaving a sole rectangle of light shining on the door. Naruto would have got rid of that one too, but Sakura couldn't see in the dark too well. Sasuke had like 30/30 eyesight, and Naruto had his own thing that made it hard to mistake a civilian for a combatant.

He breathed out, set a trigger, and let the illusion take him into a faux-sleep.

Next thing he knew, there were footsteps coming from the hallway outside, purposeful but far too loud for a Jounin. Those guys moved without a sound. The only hint of an ANBU squad running after him across rooftops was the faint whistling of wind made by bodies rushing through the night, and even that was sometimes offset by some sort of Jutsu he hadn't been able to get his hands on.

With his hands, he made a few signs. Coming. Overconfident. Get ready.

The door opened, and the eraser started falling. Naruto saw someone with a silver mop of hair, but he didn't look at anything else because he saw the vest, dark green and having more pouches than a kleptomaniac had pencils. He let go of a ninja wire he had been holding with both hands for the past hour.

The eraser hit the top of the grey head, and the Jounin briefly disappeared in a cloud of chalk when the school desk they had secured to the ceiling swung on a wire toward the door. There was no light where it had been hanging, and the chalk cloud by the door must have made it difficult to see, but the shadow still ducked and rolled forward at the last moment, landing right on the oil they had poured on the floor.

The ninja—and it was a man—began to slip, but he pushed off with his legs and jumped into the air, heading straight for the ceiling. Naruto threw two kunai at him, while Sasuke, from behind, launched six senbon. The ninja instantly drew his own knives and deflected Naruto's kunai with clangs that sounded almost simultaneously. Naruto could see his face now or, at least, what wasn't hidden by the black mask covering everything from his chin to the bottom of his eyes. The headband was pulled down and to the left, so he could see only the right eye and a head of grey hair about as yielding as a thorn bush. The eye was squinting at them.

The man was fast, but in the time he had spent lazily knocking Naruto's kunai off course, the senbon reached his back. His fingers blurred into Seals, and electricity arced around his body but not before one senbon nicked his shoulder.

What happened next was a blur. There was a dull thunk, as a tiny metal ball glowing with electric energy hit Sakura in the forehead, knocking the girl out instantly. The man's jump reached the schoolroom ceiling by that point and he span in the air, pushed off it, and bulleted for Sakura's falling body.

Naruto and Sasuke rushed toward her at the same time. They were closer, thankfully, but the Jounin was faster. To give Sasuke time, Naruto threw himself forward on an intercept trajectory. He jumped and braced for impact, making sure to aim for center mass, so that the enemy wouldn't be able to dodge out of the way without some serious Chakra voodoo.

It felt as if he hit the Hokage monument at full speed. Burning pain tore through his left shoulder and Naruto bounced off like a rubber ball. Before he hit the ground head-first, he saw that he had managed to change the ninja's heading a little, and Sasuke was now standing with his kunai out and his back to Sakura.

There was a moment of darkness, a whiff of sewer air, and then he was waking up to a jolt of agony.

"Stay still," said an unfamiliar voice. "You dislocated a shoulder. I put it back, but it will smart for a while."

He opened his eyes and found himself on the Academy roof, along with Sasuke, Sakura, and the ninja they had thrashed them in all of ten seconds. The sun was setting; the buildings' walls were golden in the waning light and the roofs shimmered with emerald, amber, and cerulean. As he watched, shadows crept, taking what was theirs now that the day was waning.

The man was sitting cross-legged a foot away from him. His one visible eye was closed, and he was rubbing the bridge of his nose. Sasuke looked grim, and Sakura was red in the face. She looked stunned.

"She's been like this since I tried to shield her," said Sasuke. "Fangirls should just die."

Naruto glanced worriedly at Sakura, but she didn't seem to hear anything. Her eyes were looking across the roofs and at the crimson sky, and there was a tiny trickle of drool slowly dripping from her chin and onto the ground. He shuddered.

The man stopped rubbing his face, opened his eye and straightened his back. He looked at each of them in turn and shook his head.

"Okay, so. My name is Hatake Kakashi, you can call me, Hatake-sensei." He nodded to himself, as if acknowledging the completion of a religious rite. Then his solemn expression broke, and an exasperated sigh escaped his lips. "Now explain to me, what was that? I show up to meet my cute little minions and what I get instead is three Genin trying to murder my ass. And that senbon." He sniffed his arm where it got nicked. "No wonder it burns like someone poured molten rock in there. Chili sauce."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and looked at Sasuke.

"Oh no, dweeb. This was your idea, so you explain."

Naruto lowered his eyes. The flat roof of the academy was fascinating. Why didn't they use tiles, like the rest of the village? Was this a meeting place by design?

"It was a prank," he said.

"A prank?" asked the man in a flat tone.

"A prank."

"With oil, two kunai, a flying desk, six senbon needles, and an eraser?"

Naruto nodded and said, "Well, I didn't use exploding tags, didn't plant kunai blades up in front of the oil puddle and, because they convinced me, I didn't attach a spray of orange paint to the entrance door. So yeah, a prank. You're a Jounin, right? You wouldn't get hurt."

Kakashi blinked and stared at Naruto. He stared back, not getting what was the big deal.

"What's the big deal?" he asked. "If a Jounin could be seriously wounded by something like this, Konoha wouldn't last a month."

Kakashi looked at Sasuke. "Hey, Uchiha-kun. Is he always like this?"

"Maybe. I don't really know him."

"Hm. You two fought like you knew each other." He went silent for a minute. The tapestry of stars above them was growing brighter. "Say I told you I needed to test your fighting skills against mine all day tomorrow, and told you where it would be. What would you three do?"

Sasuke raised an elegant Uchiha eyebrow that had felled many a fangirl. He said, "Pretty much what we did today. I'd open up the Uchiha arsenal, we'd get the tags, a few bombs, and a ton or two of spikes. I think there was that stuffed horse body someone had used a while back to sneak poison somewhere, maybe we could use that… The taxidermist wasn't very good though, so it has that lazy eye."

Naruto said, "We'd get Sakura to get the angles right, dig random pits. Maybe bribe some villagers with some of the money the bastard has to help us set up."

Sasuke said, "Then we'd spend the rest of the time memorizing where everything was and hope to tire you out."

Kakashi kept blinking as he listened to them. Naruto thought he went a little green, but that was impossible to tell in the twilight. Their sensei pointed to Sakura and said, "Wake her up, please."

Naruto got up, walked to the catatonic girl, bent down to her ear and said. "Sakura. Ino is making out with Sasuke."

"What?!"

The trance ended instantly. Sakura jumped up and started looking around wildly, her chest heaving and her glare promising a painful death and eternal damnation to whoever crossed her. She looked left, right, up, and down. Then her gaze stopped on Sasuke and she said, "Ino isn't kissing you."

"Fangirls," said Sasuke.

Kakashi waved a hand to silence them, "Let me first mention that there is a secondary exam that the Jounin instructors conduct to make sure their potential teams can do the job. Naruto, don't groan. I was going to give that exam to you tomorrow, but for some reason the image of a horse stuffed with bombs and senbon coated in chili and— Naruto, where did you get that oil?"

"Well, there was this nice woman with snakes named Anko, and I needed some—"

"Okay, right. So lubricated needles coated in chili. Thanks, but no thanks. You three pass. Congratulations, you are now ninjas, and are afforded the full rights of an adult. Go get drunk. Visit a whorehouse. Do something else kids do these days, just don't go overboard, because the training starts tomorrow."

Chapter end notes

The thing about the Naruto manga, especially before Shippuuden, is that it is this goofy adventure that keeps on your toes by going between crazy shenanigans and dark stuff like Neji's or Sasuke's background. I'll try to work on the story, so that it will be more believable than the original, but I don't want to kill the fun where it is plausible. You'll notice I left that scene of disabling the Hokage with Sexy Jutsu in the text. If you think that's weird, re-read it, there are clues for an attentive reader on how and why that worked. On the other hand, I don't think that jumping straight from Naruto getting the task from Mizuki to him being in the room with the scrolls is acceptable, so to hell with that.

About the reviews. Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome you gave. this story and for the thought-provoking questions. A couple replies to the reviews that need replies.

Luna's Meow. An interesting point about dieting. I'm sure that in canon, at least at the beginning, both Sakura and Ino talk about getting thinner for the sake of being prettier when they talk about dieting. A major part of character development for Sakura is her realizing that being a ninja isn't a game or just a way to be closer to her crush. She freezes when she is faced with Zabuza. She can't do much when faced with Orochimaru. She thinks that her intellect makes her superior to Naruto and it takes a couple brushes with death to realize that being a ninja is a lifestyle, and she doesn't have room in her life for childish stuff despite still being a child. This culminates in the Sakura-Ino battle at the preliminaries where she makes a choice to grow up and get stronger. I do agree that when more experienced ninja talk about dieting, they are talking about what they should eat to be in top physical shape. Like, Akamichi diet by eating tons of carbs and packing a huge amount of fat to burn with their Bloodline Limit, and they don't care how they look.

kyuzi4869. You ask whether there will be romance. Yes, there will be some, although it isn't the focus of the story. I kind of understand why that might upset some readers: romance is notoriously difficult to handle even in professional fiction, and there is also the thing that if we as readers aren't dating anybody at the moment, we sometimes become conscious just how much romantic notions are integrated into art, advertising—everything. That can also be irritating, at least for me, especially when done badly. I can only promise I'll do my best not to make it mushy or boink-boinky.

RadioPoisoning. You say that Bunshin is not a Genjutsu. Fair point, it is Ninjutsu in canon, as is the normal Henge. Which, to me, doesn't make sense. For this story, I'm strengthening the boundaries between the different Jutsus and it mainly deals with breaking away from Ninjutsu stuff that should really be elsewhere, in my opinion. It's important to the coming story, so please bear with me. Here is a breakdown on how things will work.

Taijutsu is hitting stuff with your body, no matter what you hit or how you reinforce your body with Chakra. Gentle Fist is a type of Taijutsu.

Bukijutsu is hitting stuff with weapons. If you electrify weapons or make them shoot frost at people or whatever, it is still Bukijutsu. This includes Kenjutsu—hitting stuff with a sword.

Genjutsu is everything that doesn't create a physical effect. In canon, Genutsu is this weird thing where you must make eye-contact and then you can implant some stuff into the person's mind, and how it works is really confusing, especially with multiple people. I think it creates like a tether that you can use to send additional messages. There are also some auditory Genjutsu and even mentions of putting them inside pills (what the hell, really?). Screw that, in my story Genjutsu is everything that works directly on the mind. Henge is a Genjutsu, Bunshin is Genjutsu, Yamanaka techniques… Yamanaka techniques are difficult to classify.

Fuuinjutsu. This is working with Seals written on a surface. Like making explosive tags or Naruto's Seal.

Kinjutsu or Bloodline Limits. Those are genetic abnormalities. They can passively boost abilities (Naruto is a Senju, so he has godlike endurance, Sasuke's Sharingan improves all Genjutsu considerably and does tons of other stuff), they can allow specific techniques (Akamichi size boosts, Shinra Tensei, etc.)

Ninjutsu. Everything else. There needs to be a physical effect, though. Gaara's sand control is both a Kinjutsu and a Ninjutsu, summoning is a type of space-time Ninjutsu, etc. Opening the Gates is a ninjutsu, as far as I'm concerned.

My aim here is to establish some limits for the characters and make sure that different branches of Jutsu can't be used to get exactly the same effects. If you can create illusions with Genjutsu that requires Chakra control and finesse, then you cannot create intangible objects with Ninjutsu (illusions, basically) that require slightly less control. So Henge is Genjutsu and Bunshin is Genjutsu.

Sorry if that explanation was too long for some, but that is what the Chapter end notes are for. Plus, I'm a nerd.

Stay shiny and until next time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes**

Hi, everyone, it's been a while. Sorry for the long break, but at least some of good came out of it, because the first couple drafts sucked. Notes and plans are at the end of the chapter. Let's hop right in.

Thanks go to Masashi Kishimoto for creating this wonderful world that we can play with for fun and no profit.

 **Chapter 3**

Sasuke opened his eyes.

The wooden ceiling was still there, as were the walls, as was the silence. His house was right in the middle of the Uchiha compound. The village was another world existing beyond the outer walls, and only the Hokage Tower and the Hokage Monument were visible looking down at the sprawling buildings. The sun peeked through the windows, admonishing him for oversleeping. He checked the clock. It was five in the morning—an hour later than the time he usually woke up.

Sasuke rubbed his eyes, sighed, got up, and stretched for ten minutes. He opened the wardrobe and brushed his fingers across the row of yukatas before settling on a light-blue one with black grass patterns. He wondered if Naruto had ever worn a yukata or any kind of kimono for that matter. Probably not, if the quality of his teammate's equipment was any indication.

"Teammate," he said, tasting the word on his tongue. "Hn. Still sounds strange."

He walked to the traditional sliding doors to his room but didn't open them. Instead Sasuke bent down, found the nail and the string that was tied around it. Carefully, he unwrapped the string while keeping tension on the string. He then re-wrapped it around a small lever on the wall and pulled, adding just the right amount of tension. Something clicked, and kunai slid out of the slots around the entrance to his room. He took them, laid them on the table, and walked into the hallway, carefully keeping off the tiles with pressure plates under them. He got to the door of his parents' bedroom.

"Mom, Dad, I'm coming in," he said.

The room was as they had left it. The bed was made perfectly, the adjoining closet was closed, but there were documents strewn all over the tiny table in the corner. His father had sat there nearly every evening working on the paperwork he hadn't wanted to leave at the office. Sasuke sighed, picked up a soft cloth off the shelf, and started dusting the room. The carnations on the bedside table were still fresh, so at least he didn't need to replace those. He went to the kitchen.

There were rooms on either side of the hallway, and about half of them were trapped. He wondered if his new sensei would help with concealing which room he slept in. It probably wouldn't fool the likes of his brother for long, but at least he'd get a bit of time. Sometimes ten seconds was all that was needed, as Itachi would say.

Sasuke brewed himself some tea. He carefully monitored the temperature to make it suitable for the calming blend he was working on. He added the leaves and checked the time. In the two minutes it took the tea to gain just the right aroma, he walked to the front gate—avoiding all the traps—and picked up his mail. He smiled: there were only two scrolls this week.

He got back to the kitchen, took the tea leaves out of the water, blew on it, and began eating. His back was straight, like his parents had taught him, but he was forced to drink his tea with a cold sandwich he had taken out of the fridge. Both his mother and father had been great cooks, and Itachi cooked too. Back then, there had been no need for Sasuke to learn, and now he was too busy with training. He sighed. It was good his parents couldn't see their family heir eat bread with lettuce and ham. They would have disapproved. He had a meeting at a restaurant today, so he ate less than usual.

After breakfast, he unfurled the scrolls. The Meiku were trying to push their youngest onto him. He groaned. The girl was only five, and they weren't anywhere near the most influential families of Konoha. Did they think that stubbornness would somehow let them win against an Uchiha? And why the hell would he even get engaged to a five-year-old? The second one was more interesting. The Imaru were the ninja clan in charge of Konoha's banking. Their family had rather low Chakra reserves, but they compensated for it with financial acumen and knowledge of poison. Their heir was sixteen, and they wanted him to meet her.

Sasuke hummed. This was one well-done letter.

He took the Meiku proposal, threw it into the fireplace, and burned it with a brief Katon burst. He then took up his brush and wrote a reply to the Imaru.

 _Dear Sir_

 _Thank you for the offer of help in revitalizing my clan. Unfortunately, I am not ready to start a family at this moment. I do not yet have the power required to keep my clan safe._

 _When I get it, I will be sure to remember you, should your offer still stand._

 _Uchiha Clan Head,_

 _Uchiha Sasuke_

The new signature would take some time to get used to. He was a Genin now—a legal adult. He could sit on Council meetings, get plastered, and visit pleasure houses. He smirked, wondering how the other newly minted Genin treated their new freedom. His new freedoms didn't mean jack to him.

He got outside, practiced his family's Taijutsu katas for half an hour, and headed into town. On the way he gave his response to a letter courier Genin who bolted off to the Imaru homestead.

He got to Yakiniku in fifteen minutes and was happy to go inside. There were far too many fangirls in the streets, and he could use a private booth, a tomato salad, and a well-roasted chunk of meat. A mop of blond hair was sticking out in a corner. Naruto was standing, staring at the entrance, looking not in the least bothered by people sneaking glances at him and whispering. Sasuke again wondered what that was all about.

"Hey, bastard, over here!"

"Dweeb, for God's sake," said Sasuke walking closer. "You are making a scene. Sit the hell down."

Naruto pouted and narrowed his eyes, but he did drop onto the sofa. There were less turned heads now, which was good, because Sasuke hated attention. Not like he could somehow become something else except the Last Uchiha. At least, people bitched about Naruto's pranks, so if the orange menace stopped them, they might lay off him. Though villagers did seem to hate Naruto a lot more than his juvenile jokes warranted. He had once seen a shop owner chase after the blond with a meat cleaver after Naruto painted his dour shop front orange. Both colors looked like crap, so Sasuke didn't understand what the fat man had to be upset about.

He was about to order when the door to Yakiniku opened, and a pink-topped bundle of hero-worship entered looking straight at him with fire of love and devotion in her eyes.

"Damn it. I completely forgot that thing was with us," he said.

"Shhh, don't be rude, Sasuke. We are a team now, better believe it."

Sasuke's brow twitched at the verbal tick. Fangirls made him sick.

"One day," he said. "I'll snap. I'll take a puppy, walk into a manicure parlor, and skin it alive in front of these damn airheads. See how they'll worship me then."

Naruto slowly blinked at him three times, turned away, and waved at Sakura who had crossed the restaurant at that point.

"Sakura-chan, I saved a seat for you," said Naruto.

He pointed next to himself. When Sakura moved to sit next to Sasuke, he growled with such animalistic fury that she instantly plopped down near Naruto. There might have been Inuzuka among his ancestors. It was possible, he supposed, especially if some Uchiha girl had gotten very drunk.

"Don't worry about the bastard," said Naruto. "He's prickly as a porcupine. Don't you think it's great I'm not like that?" he asked, spreading his hands as if to show off his awesomeness.

Sakura only snorted, and Sasuke had to agree. That orange jumpsuit was the most ridiculous ninja attire he had ever seen, and he had seen a guy in green spandex running around Konoha screaming about youth, while his suit allowed anybody count the growing hairs on his ass. Okay, maybe Naruto's clothes weren't that bad.

"So, I guess being late is sensei's thing?" asked Naruto.

"Seems so," said Sasuke. "Dweeb, you promised me an explanation."

Naruto picked up the menu in the most pathetic attempt at deflection Sasuke had ever seen. The boy took out his toad-shaped wallet, counted the money, then looked at the menu again. He sighed heavily. Sasuke ignored all of it.

He said, "Don't worry, dweeb. There are seals all over this place, made before most Fuinjutsu masters got killed. Nobody can hear us outside this booth, and we are in a corner, so they can't read lips." Sasuke leaned in. "It's a Bloodline Limit, isn't it?"

This jolted Sakura out of her paralysis, and she looked at Naruto. "You have a Bloodline Limit, Naruto? Why have I never heard about it? Everybody brags about Bloodline Limits. Except Hinata, but she doesn't talk at all."

"I sort of have one." Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "It's difficult to explain."

Sasuike snorted. "Let's order then. I doubt our sensei will appear in the next hour. Shit. I expected someone with better work ethics."

He noticed Naruto stare at the back of the waitress who had taken their order. His eyes moved like he was reading something, and it was far from the first time Sasuke had seen him do it. She shrugged her shoulders as if she was trying to get something sticky off her back and hurried to the kitchen.

While they waited, Naruto said, "Look, it's a big deal."

"Tell me how you learned Fire Breath in a day," said Sasuke. "It took me two weeks. With scrolls and the Uchiha affinity for fire."

"Sasuke-kun, why are you talking to him but not me?" asked Sakura.

Sasuke turned his head to her in a mechanical motion and said, "Because he isn't useless."

The girl folded upon herself like a wilting flower and seemed to retreat into the sofa she was sitting on.

"Sakura-chan…" Naruto said. "Bastard. Take that back."

Uchiha looked at him. "Why? Naruto, her Taijutsu is atrocious. Her Chakra reserves are pathetic. She doesn't know any Ninjutsu except the Academy Three. Are you even ready to kill, Sakura? And I don't mean the rabbit they forced you to feed and kill and eat this year. A human being." He paused. "Without the cooking and eating part."

She raised her pink head a little, "Shinobi are expected—"

"You see what I mean, Naruto." Sasuke slowed down, and let his voice warm a little. "I suppose it could be worse. She was of some use yesterday."

"Sasuke, nobody is ready to kill," said Naruto.

"I am. But that isn't the issue here. In our entire class, the only people who take or job seriously are me, you, and Shino. Everybody else is dead weight. As they are, they will get themselves and their teams killed. So, Sakura, if you don't like being called useless, then stop being useless. Train more or die."

Luckily, soup arrived at this point and interrupted the conversation. Why did people always get pissed when he told them the truth? The entire Academy carried themselves like they lived in some rainbow-and-sunshine world, and he knew it to be a lie, but when he called them out on it, they said he was a jerk. It was true in general, of course, but there was nothing bad about telling people their deficiencies, so they would get out of his face.

"So, you've been watching me, Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura.

Sasuke blinked. What the freaking hell? Did she even hear what he had said? Perhaps there was a Genjutsu placed on her. He reached out to Sakura, touched her shoulder, said, "Kai!" and channeled a burst of Chakra into her. She just looked at him like he had just made her day. Sasuke groaned.

"She is a fangirl," he said. "Fangirls don't deserve a fast death."

Naruto resumed eating, but he took a long look at Sakura. Sasuke wasn't surprised. It wasn't every day you discovered your teammate, who you were supposed to depend upon, was borderline insane. Except Naruto was doing that thing again where he was staring into air and moving his eyes like he was reading.

"Holy shit, Sakura," said Naruto. "You know this isn't normal, right? Sasuke just insulted you. Maybe, you should, you know, talk to someone? I read about this, it's a Medium Fangirl Disorder. If left untreated, you may end up stealing items from the object of obsession, commissioning a body pillow, eliminating competition, provoking the object into violent outbursts for the sake of attention, or kidnapping and raping the object,."

The girl went red again, swallowed her soup, and pointed at him. "You are just jealous because of how great Sasuke-kun is."

"Yeah, right, sorry. Say, Sakura."

Sasuke blinked. Apparently, somebody had been smart enough to identify fangirlism as the malady it was. Although Naruto reading about psychological disorders was about as believable as giving up on ramen. If his teammates went on like this, he'd have to do something about it. There were too many ways Naruto's general weirdness and Sakura's obsession could jeopardize a mission.

"Dweeb, if you don't stop evading, I'll force the answer out of you. Remember I was top of our class when it came to desensitization training."

Naruto shook his head. "I'm not changing the topic, bastard, but, for the record, making that rabbit commit suicide was impressive. It's just bizarre how Sakura stares at you. Anyway, I'm not smart enough to explain how what I do works." He shrugged. "Ero-sennin could probably do better, but he's not here, so—"

"Perverted mountain hermit? Who is that?" asked Sasuke.

"Ah, right, you don't know him. It's Jiraya of the Sannin, but he is really a pervert. He writes this over-the-top smut that is just ugh—"

"Hold on," said Sakura. "Jiraya of the Legendary Sannin?"

Naruto's remaining food was getting cold, but the boy didn't pay it any mind. Sasuke saw he was nervous, but not in the usual about-to-get-caught way. It took him a moment to place the facial expression. Naruto looked vulnerable.

"Yeah, the Hokage asked him to help," said Naruto. "You remember how I skipped school for two weeks a while back?"

Sakura said, "Yes, Iruka-sensei told us you had a concussion during training and needed rest."

"Right, so what actually happened is my Chakra started going out of whack. You know how I have a shit-ton of stamina, right?"

"Tell me about it," said Sakura. "I can't forgive for making Sasuke-kun look bad."

Naruto ignored her. "Well, it turned out I had as much Chakra as a Jounin, but I had absolutely no control—nobody teaches it worth jack at the Academy. No leaf-sticking, wall-walking, that sort of stuff."

Sakura nodded, for once taking the dweeb seriously. "Our Jounin teachers are supposed to take care of that after they decide what kind of techniques to teach us."

"Right, but that was a year ago, so no Jounin-sensei for me. It got bad, Sakura-chan. I stopped sleeping, I practiced Academy Ninjutsu till I dropped, I even stopped enjoying ramen. The Old Man saw me, and he could tell what was happening, so he called Ero-sennin."

Sasuke moved to interrupt Naruto but then thought better and just gestured for him to continue.

"So he came in, took a look at me, and said I could die from Chakra overload. He tried draining it, but it wasn't much use, so Ero-sennin came up with this super-advanced Seal. Took him a week of work, and I thought he'd keel over by the end, but he did it."

Naruto looked around to make sure nobody could see them and lifted up the hem of his white shirt. He channeled a bit of Chakra, and a complex pattern appeared on his bare midriff. The symbols were so small, Sasuke could make them out only thanks to his unnaturally sharp eyesight. He saw Sakura go a little pink, and thought there could be hope for the kunoichi. The image wrapping across Naruto's stomach looked like a dragon coiling around a spiral. The dragon made three loops and each next one was made of smaller and smaller symbols.

Naruto said, "He designed it in four days and put it on me in three. Ero-sennin still has no idea if he got it right. He didn't sleep much that week."

Sasuke leaned in closer, but it didn't help. He could tell an exploding tag from a Seal used to transport goods or dead bodies, but those seals had very basic structure. An anchor, a couple brush strokes indicating purpose and connectors tying the image together. There were hundreds of symbols visible on Naruto's stomach and the Seal clearly stretched beyond the visible patch of white skin.

"I think this thing was supposed to suck my Chakra into a Genjutsu that would help me learn stuff. Make the important bits stand out, improve my memory. Sort of like the Sharingan."

"Oh? That is interesting, my little minion," said Hatake Kakashi who was lounging in a chair next to Naruto.

The blond jumped in his seat and nearly sent the remaining soup flying everywhere. He turned and stared it their teacher. "How in the name of Kami did you get here?"

"M-m-m, I walked? And then sat down. You three should really pay more attention."

"Bullshit," said Sasuke. "That was a Genjutsu."

Kakashi rolled his only visible eye. "Naruto, please continue. It's not nice to leave a story unfinished, you know."

Naruto grumbled a bit. They ordered the main dish—Sasuke picked yakisoba with pork—and went on. "So, it was an experiment. Ero-sennin even said so."

Kakashi smiled that weird eye-smile of his. "Fuinjutsu is mostly a lost art. Jiraya is one of the few remaining masters, true, but Fuinjutsu relies on libraries and scrolls and records of experiments. Most of that stuff is burned or sealed behind barriers that nobody can open."

"Sensei, wouldn't the barriers fade in time?" asked Sakura.

"And that is why you are the cutest of my minions. Yes, in time we might get a Fuinjutsu revival, but it should take a couple more decades until the work of Uzushiogakure starts losing power. Something pops up from time to time, don't get me wrong, but not the good scrolls. They protected those properly."

Naruto said, "Well, anyway, Ero-sennin succeeded. But it turned out that because the Seal was this big and complex—"

Kakashi groaned.

"Sensei, are you alright?" asked Sakura.

Kakashi took a bite without taking off his mask somehow. Sasuke was tempted to try a Genjutsu dispel. Maybe there was no mask in the first place.

Their sensei said, "Yes, I'm fine, Sakura. I just realized where this is going. The Seal is sentient, isn't it, Naruto?"

Sasuke felt his jaw slacken. Sure, they said anything was possible with Fuinjutsu, but sentient Seals? Surely, Kakashi was screwing with them.

Naruto waved his hands as if to keep him and Sakura from bolting. "What? No. It doesn't think. It's more like a computer. It remembers stuff for me and helps me master skills and jutsu."

Sasuke cupped his chin and stared at Naruto without saying anything.

Naruto said, "What? Spit it out, bastard."

"So, how precise is this? If you see a book in a page, can you recall it later perfectly?"

"No, not really. But I can save a summary in the illusion."

"And if you see a skill used?"

"If it's something I could do, then I can copy it and start training it instantly. It's how I learned your Fire Breath technique. It starts really crappy but improves damn fast."

He noticed that Sakura was looking at him without her usual annoyance. She dragged a strap of meat around her plate for a bit before asking, "Naruto-kun, what if somebody cancels it? It's a Genjutsu, right?"

Kakshi shook his head. "What the hell do they teach you kids these days? Seals such as this one… It is invisible unless Naruto channels Chakra into it. And it isn't on the skin, not really."

It was time for Naruto to be surprised. "What do you mean? It's on me, isn't it?" He peeked under his shirt and checked it was still there. "See? There it is."

Kakashi sighed. "Naruto, if the seal were really on your skin, then one well-placed slice would disrupt the whole thing. Jiraya would have never made the Seal, or else the Hokage would have kept you in a basement somewhere. It was drawn on you, but now that the technique is complete, it has bonded with your Chakra network. It can't be removed, no matter how drained you are or how many times somebody screams 'Kai!' at you."

For once, Kakashi didn't look like he was in a mood for joking. The orange book was nowhere to be seen, and though he sat leaning back and draping his hand over the back of the couch, he wasn't fooling Sasuke.

"Mind if I take a look, Naruto?" asked Kakashi tapping his head protector. "This eye is very good at seeing Chakra outside the body."

Naruto looked uneasy for a moment, but he eventually nodded. Sasuke cursed inwardly. Had he allowed the crazy girl sit next to him, Kakashi would be opposite them, and he would be able to see. But no, because he shunned the insane, he now had to lean over the table to catch a glimpse. Kakashi inhaled, reached for the head protector and pulled it up. Sasuke saw a bit of red iris, and heard Naruto and Sakura gasp. Shit, if only he could get closer.

Kakashi turned to him. "Sasuke-kun, do you mind? I know the eye thing is weird in an endearing way—"

Sasuke didn't hear anything else. The familiar eye stared at him, the three tomoe swimming in a sea of crimson around the balck hole of the enlarged pupil. The relief he had been expecting didn't come. Instead he felt air hitch in his throat.

He couldn't breathe, and the walls were moving in. Everything smelled of blood, couldn't they see that. He glanced and Naruto, and saw what was inevitable. Sasuke, standing over the corpses of his teammates, because they were naïve, they were weak… Just like he had been. Only those weren't his teammates, those were his parents and cousins and uncles and everybody else. He needed to get out.

Somebody slapped him in the face, and his head jerked and hit the back of the couch. He blinked and found a tomato-colored Sakura in front of him, looking down at the table.

"S-sorry, Sasuke-kun," she said. "It's just that you looked like you were having a panic attack, and I remembered the lessons."

Kakashi reached over the table and ruffled her hair making a thorough mess of what she must have spent an hour on. "Maa, you are too cute Sakura. Like, literally, too cute. You shouldn't apologize for helping your teammate according to protocol. Right, Sasuke?"

Sasuke was still rubbing his left cheek. He was sure there was a red imprint on it. "Right. It's not a problem, Sakura."

Kakashi stared at him until he caved. "Thank you," he said as quietly as he could.

His teacher nodded, closed his normal eye, and turned back to Naruto. He took out a small notebook and made a couple notes in a script Sasuke didn't recognize.

"Jiraya really outdid himself this time," Kakashi said. "I've never seen anything like this. Didn't even know it was possible. There are streams of Chakra coiling all through your body, Naruto, with a lot of them going into your brain. I'm no Tsunade, but this is a more than just a Genjutsu." He shook his head and smiled. "I guess we'll just test it out in the field then. You can go, brats. The bill is on me."

Sasuke moved to rise. He needed to get out, to breathe.

"Not you, Sasuke-kun. We are taking a walk."

His sensei was smiling, and it looked sincere, but Sasuke new better than to trust a Jounin's smile. He grumbles and followed Kakashi outside. Sasuke had been expecting a lecture of some kind, but his teacher stayed silent.

Before he knew it, they stood in front of the Memorial Stone. Kakashi squatted and checked the flowers laid at the bottom.

Kakashi said, "These will wilt in a couple hours. Inoichi shouldn't entrust something this important to his kid. The girl is far too bubbly."

"Why have you brought me here, Kakashi?"

"No honorifics, Sasuke-kun?"

"Screw honorifics. You didn't even give us any training. How am I supposed to get stronger like this?" He paused, seeing his teacher stare at him. "What, is sitting in front of a slab of rock going to help me?"

Hatake shook his head and slumped his shoulders, "Ne, Sasuke-kun. I come here after missions to talk to my old teammates and my sensei."

Sasuke huffed. "Have you got no friends who are not dead? This is just a stone. Grey, old, and covered in pidgeon shit half the time."

There was a dangerous glint in Hatake's eye, and even in his irritation Sasuke knew when to shut up. It was just that Kakashi was infuriatingly confusing. There was too much of a gap between his porn-loving carefree persona Sasuke had seen and the capable A-Rank Jounin he was supposed to be.

Kakashi said, "I am here three or four times a week. A couple of hours each time. How many hours do you spend in front of a memorial stone, Sasuke-kun?"

He snorted. "Have you been listening? I don't talk to rocks."

"You live in a compound that had been built for one of Konoha's largest clans. A compound where every single one of your family members except Uchiha Itachi—don't look away, Sasuke-kun—was killed. You have no servants and no friends. How many hours a week do you spend in front of your memorial stone?"

Sasuke looked down at his geta. "Shit," he said.

"Just a bit of advice. Use that supposedly genius head of yours before accusing other people, Sasuke-kun. It will kip you alive when you meet somebody who can bite your head off and isn't as nice as your kind, loving teacher."

Hatake smiled, moved closer, and reached for the top of his head. Sasuke tried to dodge, but the Jounin was much faster.

"What the hell is wrong with your hair?" asked Kakashi. "It looks like an eggplant exploded."

Sasuke was finally able to get away. "You are one to talk, sensei." He futilely tried to pacify the unruly locks, but they didn't want to go down.

"Maa, my hair is a lightning rod for awesome Raiton techniques."

Sasuke blinked. Actually, he could see that. Hiding ninja wire in that mop, getting some heat insulation… He shook the stupid thoughts out of his head. Weaponizing hairstyles would wait.

"Can I go, sensei? I need to get some Katon practice."

Kakashi shrugged. "You are a free man, Sasuke-kun, except for when you are my minion, of course. Naruto is usually practicing at Training Ground Twelve at this time. You might want a partner."

His teacher put his hands in a hand seal and flickered away in a swirl of leaves. Sasuke began walking back to the Uchiha compound but stopped after ten minutes. Damn Kakashi for messing with his head. He turned around and headed to the Training Ground Twelve.

He found Naruto in the middle of an empty clearing practicing Fire Breath. The boy would pick up a pebble, throw it onto air, make the hand seals, inhale, and fire a stream of flame large enough to immolate a cow. Sasuke frowned. Was Naruto's affinity fire? Maybe he was a bastard Uchiha after all, and his abilities were a kind of Sharingan. They were perception based, after all.

As he got closer, carefully approaching from the back, he saw wisps of blue drift off Naruto's form with every attack he made. After ten more Fire Breaths Naruto groaned and fell on the ground on his back.

"Dweeb," Sasuke greeted.

Naruto pointed to him with his right index finger. "Bastard! What are you doing here? I thought we had a day off."

Sasuke began warming up. "We should train," he said. "We'll never get better if we just lie down while the world goes ahead."

"I guess…" said Naruto, and then his face brightened. "Listen, could you help me with Fire Breath? I'm barely progressing, and it's annoying like hell."

Sasuke thought about it. "What's in it for me?"

Naruto tapped his chin two times. "I could teach you Shadow Clones? But it might kill you. You need a ton of Chakra to use it like I do. Oh, I know. You live alone, don't you?"

Sasuke blinked. "Yes."

"Well, I know a bunch of household Jutsu. Picked them up around the village when I got this ability. Shinobi are like super-busy, right? So there is stuff to heat up food instantly and to blow dust out of your room, and spray dishes clean with pressurized water." He scratched the back of his head. "I don't use them much, because I always end up overpowering them for some reason, but I bet you could use them. You have way better Chakra control."

He facepalmed. "Dweeb, you need a brain-mouth filter. Sure, we can trade, but don't just spill everything in the open. Someone might be listening."

At least Naruto had the grace to look sheepish. "Right, right. So, Fire Breath is C-Rank, and what I have is D-Ranks mostly."

"I thought you would have picked up more, living in a ninja village and all."

"It doesn't work like that. There are prerequisites." Naruto grimaced at the word. "I would have just asked the Old Man to show me dozen A-Rank Ninjutsu, and then I would be the coolest ninja ever. But no, first I have to master all this crap, or my ability won't work on the stronger Jutsu. Okay, another go."

Naruto jumped upright and began practicing his Fire Breath again. Sasuke had to give it to him, the dweeb had power, but that was about it.

"Stop," he said. "Naruto, you are bleeding enough Chakra that I can see it. Your form is good, but you move like a puppet going through the same motions."

Naruto frowned. "I know, bastard, but I need to learn it like this first. Then I can sort of watch myself doing it and really get the technique, but when I learn it by watching someone, I just copy it."

Sasuke shook his head and put his hands in a bear seal. "Watch me then. I'll show you variations. You spamming an attack like this will get us murdered. Some asshole will probably just predict the trajectory of your attack and throw Sakura in there. Although we might end up with somebody competent from the reserves instead. But those are reserves… Ugh. Let's practice."

They spent three hours on training before Sasuke had to stop or risk Chakra exhaustion. Naruto was about as tired as he was, but he had blown through far more energy. As Sasuke walked back to the Uchiha Compound, he remembered Kakashi's words.

He decided to eat dinner at Yakiniku.

 **End of Chapter Notes**

If you like this story, leave a favorite or a review on your way out. Feedback makes me warm and fluffy inside and willing to sacrifice a bit more of my normalcy to the gods of writing. Now that I know what this story will be like, the next chapter should be done in a couple of weeks. Long notes follow.

###

I'm back. Sorry for the long absence.

I'm focusing on my original work right now, but the reason I didn't publish this chapter three weeks ago is because my first two drafts sucked. In the end, I caved in and started writing notes. I deal enough with them when working on my original fiction, but Naruto is so damn big that I couldn't just go on writing the fic without some sort of support. Oh, I tried, but it turned out into a mix of sexplosions and moping—a concoction that causes addiction and migraines.

There is simply too much awesome in Naruto, which I blame on Kishimoto abusing the Rule of Cool. It's a shounen wet dream with giant shuriken, ninjas, Harem Jutsu, and a lot of stuff that doesn't make any sense. We love it for what it is, but writing fanfiction for it is tricky. Throwing some cool mechanic that doesn't make Naruto completely OP doesn't change much in the ocean of Bloodline Limits and fishnet stocking armor.

So I did some work behind the scenes. Characters, conflicts between groups, plans—that sort of thing. You shouldn't notice it, except that the chapters I'm publishing won't be a chaotic mess I got when I tried to just keep writing without stepping back and taking a look at the entire story.

I respond to PMs here and pokes on Twitter and Facebook (links in profile), so if you want to say hi, don't be shy.

Now to find the inspiration to write the notes for my Star Wars fic so that I can past the block in that story too.

Stay shiny and until next time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes**

Hello, everyone, it's been a while. Some bad personal stuff happened, and I couldn't write fics for a while, but now I'm back and, hopefully, able to give people a good time again. Proper notes at the end of the chapter.

Let's hop right in.

 **Chapter 4**

"Mom, a little help?"

She wobbled a little trying to pick up the metal tube and push it through the door, but the damn thing was as tall as she was, and it felt as if it was heavier than her. She might have overdone her diet a little. She paused for a second. Was there any proof that Sasuke liked thin girls? Well, nobody likes fat girls, she thought and nodded to herself.

"Mom?"

She could hear her cooking inside, so she knew her mother was there, but if she didn't get some help in thirty seconds, she would unleash the Beast and the Door would be defeated.

"Sakura?" Mebuki's blond head poked out the door. "Daughter, what is that? Did your teacher give you building blueprints to study?"

"No, mom, of course not. It's a full-size Sasuke-kun poster."

"What?" She thought her mother's eyes would pop out.

"They sell them just down the street. It's a limited edition run, but they are very popular. I won this one from Ino fair and square."

If by 'fair and square' she meant using one of Naruto's tricks and kicking her former best friend in the face while back-flipping, grabbing the poster, leaving the money, and running away. Still, they were ninja, and being a ninja meant fighting for what was truly important like the village, her family, and Sasuke-kun.

"Sakura, honey, you should drop this obsession. This isn't the way to a boy's heart." Her mom used the tone normally used on extremely violent small animals. Like rabid carnivorous beavers. There were no rabid carnivorous beavers, but they would be pretty bad if they existed.

"Come on, mom, it's not like I bought the combo of Sasuke-kun body-pillow, the kind of boxers he wears, and Sasuke-kun body odor perfume." She shook her head. "Hacks. As if they could see what he wears or how wonderfully he smells. Any of those weirdos gets close enough for that, and Sasuke-kun will eviscerate them, and there will applause, and he will flick the blood off his sword as the sun sets behind him . . . sorry, what was I saying? Ah, yes, hold the door open, will you."

For some reason her mother didn't say anything in response and simply opened the door wide. Sakura lugged the tube through, nodded thanks to her mother, took off her shoes as was polite, and then hurried upstairs to her room to unfurl her treasure.

It was glorious. Sasuke-kun in all his open-shirted glory, his hair wet and eyes spinning with the fully-awakened Sharingan. Slight wind was blowing back his clothes, and it made the cloth hug his muscular form and the bulge in his pants.

"Huh." Sakura cocked her head to the side and blinked. She was pretty sure from her anatomy lessons that what the author had put into the pants was anatomically impossible.

She felt herself go red in the face, walked up to the wall and banged her head against the hard wood.

"Sakura, you okay up there?"

"Yes, mom, simply lamenting the death of non-erotic art."

"Right. Lunch will be ready in ten."

Why, why did that horrible painter violate the perfection of Sasuke-kun's form with her idiotic fantasies. Sasuke was thirteen, for Kami's sake, and the woman looked forty. She looked at the poster again contemplating living only the top half, then shook her head, took out her scissors and professionally cut the paper into ribbons and stuffed them in the rubbish bin.

Sasuke-kun was beautiful and dreamy and tragic, and she didn't get why half the freaking village wanted to jump him. It was ridiculous. In the Academy, as soon as a girl hit puberty, she would start to talk about kissing and holding and doing other stuff to Sasuke-kun, and more than once Sakura needed to team up with her arch-nemesis Ino and beat the shit out of the hormonal pre-teens. It was a disgrace to think that way of someone they didn't even know.

All she wanted from him was to be noticed. To talk to him, and make him see that she could help him.

She went down to lunch.

"So how is your team? Any problems with only one of you being from a Ninja Clan?"

She said, "Sasuke-kun might as well be an orphan. He is so brave, living on his own."

Mebuki shook her head. "Your teacher is Hatake Kakashi, Sakura, you can do better than that. Why do you think he lives alone?"

Sakura was half through her plate of soba—she had a mission in the evening—but she stopped at the question.

"I don't know. I mean, Sasuke-kun is the best ninja of his age, and the Uchiha family still is one of the most respected, even if it's only him." She played with her food a little. "Maybe they don't have any money?"

Her mother shook her head. Mebuki didn't look exactly disappointed, but she could see that her mother had expected more from her, and it made indignation boil in Sakura's chest. Mebuki said, "No, that's not it. Sasuke Uchiha is perhaps the richest ninja in Konoha." Sakura snorted. She wasn't after Sasuke's money. Her mother continued, "No, this is why that poor boy has to live alone. Whoever would take care of him would be in a position to take a grab of Uchiha money or political clout."

Sakura frowned. "I'm sure there are honorable ninja, and they wouldn't take advantage."

Her mother chuckled, "Maybe. But they could. And the noble families wouldn't allow anyone that kind of influence and they wouldn't be able to take care of him themselves. Hiashi Hyuuga wanted to do it back after Sasuke's family got killed."

Sakura thought about the most powerful ninja Clan in Konoha raising Sasuke-kun and shivered. "Hinata-chan isn't too bad, but the Hyuuga are creepy with those emotionless blank eyes and white clothes . . ."

Mebuki reached over the table and ruffled her daughter's hair, coaxing a surprised squeak out of her. "Sakura, the Hyuuga are far from the worst that Konoha hides. But yes, Hiashi-sama was summarily blocked by the rest of the council and Sasuke went back to that place as soon as Anbu washed the blood off the walls." Her mother sighed. "That boy needs a lot of help, and the way you obsess over him . . . invite him to dinner sometime."

Sakura blinked and felt her cheeks redden. "Invite him to dinner?" She pouted. "Sasuke-kun would never come."

Mebuki smiled. "Just tell him he won't see any marriage contracts here."

###

Sometime later they met in front of Yakiniku. Naruto and Sasuke were arguing about his abilities again.

"I can't believe you beat me," said Naruto.

"Dweeb, your Katon is a disgrace, and I will kick your ass until you learn variety." Sasuke grinned. "Not that I will stop kicking your ass when you do it, but it might be less humiliating."

"Admirable enthusiasm, my little minions," said Kakashi walking toward them down the street, mission scroll in hand. "Here you go." He tossed the scroll to Sakura.

"Oh, man," said Naruto. "Our first mission together. I hope it's something awesome."

Sasuke said, "I believe the first Hokage had to clean out the Inuzuka kennels on his first mission as a Genin. Waist-deep in dog shit."

Naruto looked so mortified that Sakura laughed. "He's just teasing you Naruto. I think it was exactly this mission." She started reading from the scroll. "Capture the Daimyo's cat Tora."

"Catching a cat?" asked Naruto. "Can't be too hard." He jumped in place a couple times. "I'm pumped, let's go."

He moved to run, but Kakashi took hold of his collar and held him back. "Maa, Naruto, Sakura isn't done talking."

She gave the scroll back to him and shivered. "The Daimyo's cats are legendary. They are a special breedwith poisonous claws, chakra-sensing abilities, and their spit can spoil a barrel of ramen." She laughed at the look of terror at Naruto's face. "Sorry, sorry. But seriously, this mission has been around since forever, and the cats really know how to hide and run. Don't you remember Iruka talking about them to us?"

###

Three hours passed.

"Sensei, does the mission scroll specify that we need to turn the cat in alive?"

"Sasuke!"

"Don't tell me you aren't thinking about it, Naruto. I saw that thing dodge Sakura and bounce off your crotch with all its claws out."

Naruto's hands moved to cover his sensitive parts, and Sakura politely looked away. He was an idiot who asked her out daily, but she wouldn't wish Tora on her worst enemy. It was demonic abyss in feline form, and if it was Sasuke-kun's idea . . .no, no, bad Sakura! Strangling the cat and using Henge just long enough to make the Daimyo's wife accept the corpse wasn't right, even if Sasuke-kun was okay with it.

And her mother called her obsessed when she wouldn't even stoop to animal cruelty because of something her idol said. Parents were weird.

"How the hell can it tell our traps are traps?" asked Naruto. He was carrying a bag of tuna. "We have tried everything, and the damn thing munches on the bait only for five seconds before running away."

"There it is," said Sakura pointing to her right where a streak of brown dashed by them at the velocity of a thrown kunai.

Sasuke dashed forward, Naruto summoned ten clones, and she rushed to head the cat off. One of the clones barreled into Sakura, she tripped Sasuke up, and the three of them went down in a tangle of limbs. The stress almost unleashed Inner Sakura upon her unsuspecting teammates, but she only elbowed something squishy and stopped herself before biting Naruto's left calf.

Sasuke said, "Ow, dweeb, what the hell was that?"

"Teamwork, jackass. I almost had it, and then you hurled right through my formation."

Sakura said, "Naruto, you idiot. You can't catch the cat alone. It scratches the face of one of your clones, and the others stop to nod in sympathy, and it just runs away. Don't you have control over these things?"

He scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "They are sort of me? So they do what I would do."

Sasuke grumbled something, extricated himself from their human ball of twine and said, "We need to do something about that."

There was an idea. Something Sakura could do to get closer to Sasuke-kun. She felt red crawl up her neck. "Um, Sasuke-kun? I have an idea." She gulped when she saw his unimpressed expression. "No, really. All Naruto needs to do is summon clones and have us wail on The original with a stick or something. Then they can share memories and get used to the sight of themselves getting beat up."

Sasuke smiled, and it was all teeth and sexiness. "You do have a passable idea sometimes. Keep it up and you might even survive our first C-Rank."

She blinked. That sounded sort of like a thread, but Sasuke-kun would never threaten her, so she ignored it completely and focused on the praise.

Naruto was looking nervously between them while slowly stepping back. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"No," the two of them said in unison.

"What about Sakura getting in the way of my clones or you running through them, bastard?" He cupped his chin and did what passed for Naruto's thinking expression. She thought he looked like he was sitting on a toilet while squinting at the sun. "You know, I'll agree to you beating me up if you learn to avoid my clones. We'll find a dummy or something, I'll attack it and you need to help without dispelling my guys."

Sasuke laughed. "Dweeb, if only I had known that a demon cat to the balls would jolt your brain. How does your body even work?"

"Hey!"

They caught Tora five hours later by tiring the her out and nearly strangling her with her ribbon. Sakura could barely move, and Sasuke was only marginally better, but Naruto was as energetic as ever. He was also covered with scratches from head to toe. Kakashi, who had been up in a tree somewhere reading porn this whole time, went to get their reward. They were left in that post-mission awkward silence where nobody knew what to say, because they couldn't go home yet, because they needed to get paid. She still needed two action figures to complete her Ultimate Uchiha Set.

"Right!" said Sakura before she could change her mind. "My mother invited you to dinner." Sakura saw Sasuke narrow his eyes at her with suspicion, and then she suddenly had the image of that poster in her head, and it wouldn't go away, and oh kami . . .

"Both of you, of course," she added. "Oh, and she said there would be no marriage proposals, whatever that meant. Not like you get marriage proposals at dinners, Sasuke-kun, so I don't know why she would think that."

Sasuke relaxed visibly, and Naruto—the idiot savant—picked up on it. "Wait, what?"

The black-haired boy looked like wasn't going to answer for a time. "Every freaking time. Sometimes from multiple members of the inviting family at once. 'You may pick whoever you choose, Uchiha-sama. You wouldn't be averse if some of you were Uchiha-sama's concubines, would you?' And then a bunch of eleven-year-olds all start nodding and saying that, of course, they don't mind because I'm rich and oh-so-dreamy. It's disgusting."

Naruto blinked at him. "You aren't gay, are you?"

Much to Sakura's relief, Sasuke bristled. "No. I just hate all these hypocrites who pretend to care but only see me as a sack of ryu or an Uchiha breeding horse. And I'm not into eleven-year-olds. Or ten-year-olds. Or, one time, a six-year-old: 'she'll grow on you', my ass."

"May I interest you in the wonderful world of erotic literature then, Sasuke-kun?" said Kakashi. He was standing five inches behind them.

Sakura jumped a foot in the air. The man moved without sound or smell when he wanted, and surprise appearances were old. "Icha-Icha isn't erotic literature, sensei. It's shameless non-stop smut."

The words exited her mouth before she could think them over. Silence was like a thousand window panes breaking as Naruto and Sasuke slowly turned to her with unbelieving eyes. Kakashi's irritating eye-smile was wider than ever.

"So I heard?" she tried.

Sasuke turned away. "Pervert," he said.

"Anyway," Naruto said loudly. "We should all go to Sakura's place to celebrate our first successful mission."

Sasuke's eyes were inscrutable. "Is it far?"

"A five-minute walk," she said.

He sighed. "I don't think I can make it to the compound after this. And it would be nice to eat something hot without people throwing pre-teens at me. All right. But no fangirling."

She mentally made a note to not let Sasuke-kun anywhere near her room as she doubted that her collection of photos and posters and Uchiha-themed blankets would go well.

Kakashi shooed them away. "You go ahead, kids. You did well today."

"Well?" asked Naruto. "Are you kidding me? It took us seven hours."

"Cats sleep for sixteen hours a day," added Sakura. "Tora probably just got too tired to run from us."

Their teacher stared off into the distance. "You kids. The daimyo's wife always has a cat, and her name is always Tora. She looked exactly like today on the day I graduated from the Academy. We chased her with the future Fourth Hokage, I tagged her with a special bait, and we herded her into the Forest of Death. The damn thing gathered anything with teeth. Scratched at giant snakes, ran in front of slobbering house-sized wolves. Then, right when we were passing through a tangle of poison ivy, she ran past, and this stampede of chakra mutations barreled into us. It was the only time I saw Minato-sensei really scared." He focused on them. "Tora never tires. Tora never stops. You catch Tora because she grows bored and allows you. Never give Tora an interesting fight."

He vanished in a whirlwind of leaves.

"Oka-a-ay," said Naruto. "Glad we talked, you know. How about pretending none of this ever happened?"

Sasuke looked contemplative. "Hn. I see now. Yes, she was tiring out almost too perfectly—exactly like we would expect, and none of us even have a cat—"

"La-la-la, not listening to you." Naruto started walking in the direction of Sakura's house without asking. "And we will ignore that my ability outlines that damn cat with the same light as the Hokage. It's probably just messing with me."

Sakura should have been surprised he knew where she lived, but she wasn't. Even if Naruto was an idiot with a ridiculous crush on her, he still was a ninja, and stalking targets was kind of what they did. She would hit him with something heavy when she had enough strength to lift her arms.

The fifth time she stumbled, Sasuke muttered something nasty under his breath. The sixth time, he called out, "Oi, dweeb! We don't all have your freakish stamina. Slow down."

Naruto had gotten forty feet ahead of them, and he seemed to enjoy himself even as half the village was glaring at him. Sakura always wondered about that: sure he was annoying, but he couldn't have pissed off everybody, could he? Besides, Naruto was a ninja now, and civilians respected the ninja, no matter how weird the shinobi were. Not so with Naruto, apparently. The blond boy stopped in hesitation.

Sasuke sighed. "Get over here, dweeb. Sakura is about to fall on her face, and I don't have the energy to drag her ass home."

Sakura sputtered and felt all the blood in her body rush to her face. Sasuke-kun asking Naruto to help her get home was like a mix of her every fantasy and nightmare. She stood still, her entire life flashing before her eyes, and before she knew it, she was walking again.

"Sorry about this, Sakura-chan. But you really look like you might fall—"

"Naruto, you idiot!" she hit him on the back of his head. "Let go of me."

"Ow. No, can't do, Sakura-chan. Half your weight is on me."

"What did you say about my weight?"

She knew she was floundering in embarrassment, but she needed to somehow distract herself from the situation. She could see the passers-by looking at her with compassion, but the hate they stared with at Naruto tripled. She heard someone whisper "demon-boy" and a response of "sh-h-h, shut up". Sakura blinked and quieted down. It was like the entire civilian population was looking for any excuse to be mad at Naruto. She glanced to the side and saw that he was blushing. He might have been asking her for a date since forever, but he was as embarrassed about this as she was.

"For Kami's sake, you two," said Sasuke. "You are teammates. Any of us may need to carry another to the hospital after a mission."

Dinner was a quiet affair. Her mother had looked strangely at Naruto but let him into their home without complaint. Sasuke had gotten barely a glance, and Sakura was confident it had been on purpose. They were eating udon noodles with fried chicken and vegetables, and Naruto was exulting on the virtues of ramen. Her father Kizashi listened to him with a polite smile.

"My, Uzumaki-kun, you are a connoisseur. You'd think you were an apprentice at Ichiraku's and not a ninja."

The boy puffed his chest out proudly. "They are the best, and Ayame-neesan once lets me cook sometimes." He scrounged his nose. "It was pretty terrible in the beginning, but I can do decent beef ramen now. She is teaching me variations."

"And what about you, Sasuke-kun," asked Mebuki. "Do you cook?"

He fidgeted in his seat, and Sakura was surprised to see that Sasuke didn't look like he was looking for the first opportunity to bolt. "I have a healthy diet."

"Well, sometimes healthy isn't enough, and you want something that also tastes great. I could teach you whip up something if you want."

"I'm not interesting in cooking," Sasuke said. He blinked and added. "But thank you for the offer, Haruno-san."

Naruto was pouting. "Why doesn't anyone call me by name? Uzumaki-kun—it just sounds weird."

Kizashi laughed at that, but it was a warm sound. "Uzumaki-kun, people don't use first names at their first meeting. It's not polite."

His face lit up like a lightbulb, but then he folded on himself. "Oh. Nobody told me."

Sakura knew that Naruto had grown up at the orphanage, so she steered the conversation to their insufferable teacher and the cat from hell they had been chasing.

Her mother shook his head. "Back before I decided to quit being a ninja, we would get that mission. She made us chase her around Konoha, we would get closer, she would get away, and we would get angrier. Eventually we vaulted over the wall and got her only to land in a hot spring Tsunade-sama was bathing in. Two of my teammates were boys."

Sakura blanched.

"Who is Tsunade-sama?" Naruto whispered to Sasuke loud enough for everyone to hear.

She stared at him incredulously. "Are you serious? Tsunade is the greatest medic of all time and probably the strongest female ninja of all time. She is legendary for many things including her intolerance for perverts."

Mebuki smiled. "Well, she healed them later, but Tora escaped in the commotion. Some ninja say that it's actually one cat that has been running around since before the Shodai Hokage. Ridiculous, of course."

The silence was filled only by Naruto's slurping for a couple minutes, and Sakura's eyes were naturally drawn to him. He handled the chopsticks expertly, but he ate with the poise of a slobbering dog. She began to clench and unclench her left fist under the table .

Surprisingly, it was Sasuke who broke the silence. "Dweeb, slow down, nobody is going to take away your food."

"Muz if I eep eep faffe—"

Sakura leaned forward. "Naruto swallow first. Talk later."

He looked at her, saw something sufficiently terrifying in her expression and gulped all the food down.

"Better," she said and got back to her own food.

"But if I eat faster, then I have more time for the other stuff. And I chew well."

Naruto grinded his food like an ore crusher. It was as unsettling as it was impressive. Sakura palmed her face and groaned.

Mebuki chuckled. "Uzumaki-kun, Sakura tells me that you want to become Hokage—"

Sakura distinctly remembered using words like 'delusions' and 'no way in hell', even if her mother had somehow missed her sarcastic tone.

"—and politicians use food when negotiating all the time. It makes people easier to deal with."

He propped his chin up on his right fist and nodded vigorously. "I see. So that's what all these old men do at Ichiraku's all evening. I go through eight bowls while they can't finish one. I guess they had a reason to be upset when I asked if they needed their ramen . . . anyway, Sasuke, you up for some training later this evening. You looked kind of green and sweaty today."

"Shut up, dweeb. Let's see how you sing after a hundred reps of Katon practice, hyperventilating and out of chakra."

"Whatever, bastard."

Naruto was grinning, Sasuke was grumbling, and Sakura thought for a moment how nice it would be to have a couple brothers like that. Then she remembered how Sasuke made her feel, and that train of thought shattered into a thousand pieces that she applied plenty of brain bleach to. Never again.

"Sakura-chan, you want to train too?" asked Naruto, and Sakura was reminded of a golden retriever puppy begging for food.

She lifted an arm experimentally. It felt like she was trying to make a sausage move with the power of her thoughts. But Sasuke would be there.

"What kind of training?" she asked.

"Hn," said Sasuke. "Mainly Katon until we drop. Some taijutsu too. You won't be able to handle it with how much you su—" He glanced to her parents. "What I mean to say is that you need more conditioning. It's like Kakashi said: you are all control, and you need power."

Sakura smiled. This was the first time that Sasuke decided to hold back something hurtful he was about to say to her. The glimmer of declarations of love became more visible on the horizon.

"It's alright. I'll just do some crunches or something." She pushed her plate away and moved to stand, but Sasuke's stare froze her.

"Sakura." His voice was would remind arctic glacier of warm sandy beaches. "What are you doing?"

"Going to train?" she tried.

Sasuke groaned, and his head twitched as if to hit the table. "Women." He looked at Mebuki and corrected himself. "No offense, mam. Sakura you spent about four hours running and jogging today. With all the jumping and dashing and morning training, you must have burned through about two thousand calories today. A bowl of soup, a plate of salad, and a bowl of rice with chicken topping is less than a thousand calories." She could see the color rising in his cheeks, and he spoke louder now. "I bet you wake up hungry at night. I bet you can't put on any muscle."

She opened her mouth to speak.

"And if you tell me you are doing it for me, Kami help me, I'll go straight to Kakashi and we will hand you over to Akamichi for training." He was standing now and his speaking had turned into polite yelling at some point. "Do you know what I hate most about my little ninja fanclub, Sakura? It's that these pathetic birdbrains are going to get themselves killed, because they think that a kunoichi needs to be pretty and dainty and full of sunshine and rainbows. My mother was in ANBU, for kami's sake! She used to come read me bed stories, and I would tell her she missed a spot when washing off the blood." He stepped away from the table. "The dinner was lovely, Missis Haruno, Mister Haruno, but I need to be going. Naruto, I'll wait for you outside."

He strode out, and she could see the tension in his shoulders as Sasuke held himself back from slamming the door.

"Wow," said Naruto. "Hey, Sasuke, wait up." Before the village blond menace was out the door, he stopped and turned. "Thank a bunch, the dinner was delicious. Almost as good as ramen. You have great folks, Sakura." He gave her a thumbs-up and an ear-splitting grin. "But you should probably eat more. Bye."

After they left, Sakura managed to eat a bit more rice with teriyaki chicken and went up to her room to let the food settle. Her parents told her that she didn't need to do the dishes after her first encounter with Tora the Demon Cat. She lay in her bed and wondered what it said about her and Sasuke the only time he was passionate about her, he got angry. Her parents got angry at each other sometimes, and they were happy, so she knew it wasn't such a bad sign. Still, now that he had pointed it out to her, the nerd in her couldn't help but calculate her daily calorie intake and spending and compare the two. So far it looked that like her body was some sort of a perpetual engine that ran of her love for Sasuke-kun.

Or, more realistically, her midnight raids of the family ridge followed by dragging cans of ice-cream to her up to her room to be followed by wrecking guilt. She decided she would it a bit more. She didn't think Sasuke made idle threats or had a sense of humor for that matter, and Akamichi women scared her. Ino would crucify her if Sakura spent a day training under Chouji's family. She had been happy when she discovered she needed a bra—even if it was basically two flat petals of cloth—but the Akamichi looked like they needed a steel wireframe with triple redundancies to keep all that body from falling to the ground when they didn't tense their muscles.

The sun was setting when she finally felt up to having some more training, and the gold bathed the white walls and red roofs in Konoha, making it look like a town out of the sort of fairytale that had princesses and samurai than the home base of hired thieves and killers. There was more to do for a ninja than assassinations though, and Tsunade-hime was living, gambling, drinking proof of that.

She jogged to the outdoor gym behind the Academy grinding her teeth all the way there. Her body hurt and demanded to be left alone, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to move tomorrow if she didn't get the blood flowing now. The last couple days have been training, teamwork, mock missions, and now a real mission. Kakashi practiced a hands-off approach, but it remained so only while nobody slacked off. If she stopped before the set time, he would turn up right behind her left shoulder and chase her around, asking her to recite Icha-Icha to her teammates. He was horrible, but it had made her rather intimate with exhaustion and physical pain.

When she got to the gym, she did fifteen push-ups to warm up in the cooling evening air and began her stretches. Sakura started with her toes, then her calves, hips, and waist. At this point, blood had made the lactic acid in her muscles going, and training was getting easier.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

She found herself in a low stance with a kunai in her hand before she knew it. The boy—or and effeminate girl—raised hands clad in fingerless clothes. "It didn't meat to startle you," he said. "I'm Sai."

There was something seriously wrong about Sai. His skin had a kind of greenish pallor to it that spoke of a strained relationship with the sun and outdoors in general. Sakura stayed in shadow whenever she could to keep her skin alabaster and smooth, but his complexion was beyond that. It was like he had made a personal enemy of outdoors. The face was an unblinking pale mask dominated by enormous black eyes and wrapped in black hair. He sported a Konoha headband on his forehead.

"Are you a guy?" She decided to confirm.

"Do you mean whether I have male genitalia?" He cocked his head to the side in a machine-like motion.

Sakura kept her jaw from dropping to the floor through the virtue of good upbringing. Then she understood the implications. "Erm . . . do you identify differently?" Sakura was very proud of her open-mindedness. She wondered if this was her moment of showing how accepting she could be.

Sai smiled, and it looked as if he had learned the expression from a textbook. "I have male genitalia," he said. "But I haven't hit puberty yet. What about you?" The disturbing smile grew wider.

Sakura realized now why identifying his gender had been such a problem. The boy wore a black top with his midriff left bare, and his voice hadn't broken yet. Seeing something like this on someone her age made her feel like she wanted to hit something, but he looked perfectly comfortable about his clothes, and she didn't see more bruises than most ninjas had.

"Female, after puberty." She sped through that part of the conversation before her head exploded. "Can you hold my feet down as I do crunches."

"Of course."

After they started training, Sai dropped the smile, and she discovered that he was perfectly reasonable when discussing ninja techniques and missions. She should have known better than to move onto more personal territory again.

"Do you come here often?" she asked. "I don't remember seeing you at the Academy."

"I was invisible," he said, his delivery completely deadpan. "And I train in a variety of environments. It is important for a ninja to be versatile."

"What kind of food do you eat?"

He did look rather thin but had nice corded muscles under that sickly skin. She wondered if maybe his diet contributed to his looks in addition to the lack of sunlight.

"Worms mostly. They are an excellent source of protein and are very cheap."

Sakura gulped. "Right. Could you spot while I do chin-ups?"

 **End of Chapter Notes**

Thank you for reading. If you like the story, there are buttons you can press to give a boost to my creativity. Reviews are the best things ever, so leave those too if you have a minute.

More notes and a couple review responses below.

###

The idea of Sasuke being the most eligible bachelor in Konoha has been churning in my head for a while. Think about it: the Uchiha was arguably the most powerful clan in the village. They all died, and Itachi couldn't take much with him. This means that Sasuke owns a ton of money, real estate, jutsu scrolls, and everything you can imagine. Konoha is largely a civilian village, so naturally there should be Sasuke-branded products. Does he get a cut, I wonder?

I think that Sakura is underappreciated in the fandom. The girl has arguably the best character development in the entire manga. Think about the love-struck teenager at the start and the strong kunoichi at the end–there is barely anything similar between them. Naruto and Sasuke don't need to change their behavior much during the story. Yes, they learn new stuff in canon and they grow, but they both grow within their basic character bounds (Naruto's endless optimism, Sasuke's cold rationality and obsessive nature). Sakura has to suck it up and become a real ninja or else die.

Anyway, she well be getting more love as we go on. I hope I didn't go overboard in this chapter, but Sakura is the smartest ninja of her generation who tricks herself into ignoring her obsession with Sasuke—that has to involve some hilarious mental acrobatics.

The updates should come more frequently now that I've recovered from the personal stuff and finished the first draft of my original novel (second draft technically, but who cares). I'll keep you updated as to how my conquering the universe through the power of literature goes.

###

I've read all the reviews to the last chapter and I love that people seem to like reading it as much as I love writing it. Here are some responses that may be interesting not only to the reviewers.

hsm1999:

We'll see how it goes, but for now I don't see romance becoming a cornerstone of this fic. Sure, it's a part of life, and there is bound to be angst and relationships and stuff, especially when dealing with teenagers (as evidenced by this chapter). But if you worry about me creating some unholy duo or harem or whatever and having them kick Akatsuki's ass through the sheer power of Love Conquers All, then you have nothing to fear. I have romance in my stories, but I love it for the character development and humor it creates, not for the cliché stuff. I'm not a fan of moping either.

thor94:

Naruto does not know the full story of his family. He knows his parents were ninjas who died during the Kyuubi attack and that the Fourth sealed Kurama into him before dying himself. He thinks he got his surname in memory of the lost village of Uzushiogakure by his parents. Jiraya never revealed the full truth to him either.

Stay shiny and until next time.


	5. Tales of Konoha 1

**Author's Notes**

By Kami, it's been a while! Some of you have PM'ed me, and thank you for that. September sucked as I spent most of my free time in bed, coughing. Thank you for waiting and coming back.

This chapter is for the hundreds of minor characters that Kishimoto brought to life and then left in canon limbo.

Let's jump right in.

UPDATE 2017-11-14: so I heard you liked humor. I've been struggling with the next chapter for a couple of weeks (should have it done this weekend), and I noticed why I found it difficult to continue writing it. I've been having a pretty hard couple of months, and somewhere along the way I've forgotten that a fic like this can't survive without humor and shenanigans. For some weird reason, I tried to write it seriously, and it didn't work at all, so I've lightened up this chapter and whatever comes next.

 **Tales of Konoha**

There was a photo in Sarutobi's desk that he took out both in times of happiness and despair. Today was a good day, so the Hokage settled into his chair, spent a minute straightening his long white robes—a ridiculous garment for a military leader—and opened the drawer on the bottom right with a key he had carried around his neck since he first got to call this room his own.

They looked happy in the photo. Well, Jiraya looked happy, Tsunade looked resigned, and Orochimaru was as impassive as ever. He himself was much younger, but he didn't know if he had been happier at the time. Also, the four of them were hung over like hell. Whatever possessed him to have Jiraya plan Orochimaru's eighteenth birthday. Sure, Orochimaru wouldn't have done it himself, but was having a dozen female and male strippers at the event better? He remembered it only dimly and thanked the Kami for it every day, because he hadn't needed to lie to his wife afterwards.

His eyes lingered on Tsunade. He needed to find a way to get her back.

There was a knock on his door, and he stashed the picture back into the drawer—on top Jiraya's latest masterpiece—and locked it.

"Enter," he said.

Maito Guy came in, his bowl haircut barely visible from behind the giant box he carried. Kakashi was next, lost in a copy of what Sarutobi himself was reading, and he saluted the Hokage with his free hand without looking up. Sarutobi just shook his head with a wry smile. If the village were his family, then he wondered what kind of parent he was? Probably the one who left a box of weed and a stash of firecrackers with their kid at home. Then again, it was a joint custody thing, with the Council constantly getting in his way whenever he pushed for reforms. Konoha was an old beast, and it treasured both its tradition and its insanity.

He got up from the desk, his legs stiff after a day of administrative work, and went up to a scroll stand in a corner. The wall was wood, and he carefully put both hands on it, fingers over different planks, feeling the ridges in the texture. Sarutobi found the right points and pushed them in rapid succession. The stand lifted without any sound and slid to the left. The wall behind it clicked, he pushed it, and it swung on concealed hinges. A small cloud of dust appeared as the movement of air disturbed the room behind the hidden door.

Kakashi closed his book. "Sensei, how long had it been closed?"

"Twenty years." Sarutobi said. "Minato didn't like to use it, and during the war the Hokage primarily used the training grounds."

"This is most useful, oh honorable Hokage!" said Maito. "But I'm afraid I can't carry this box of most youthful weights forever."

"What are you waiting for then? Get inside, and set it down. Then you two need to clean the room of all the dust."

"Beg pardon?" said Kakashi.

Sarutobi smiled the grandfather smile he practiced every day. "You didn't think I called you here for moral support for an old man, Kakashi, did you? Nobody can know about this room except the people with clearance, all my ANBU are either on missions or guarding this tower, and you two were available. Besides, I only think that the Fourth and Kushina didn't use it. I swear, those two were nuts separately, but together they were a natural disaster. They might have used the place, just not for regulation-sanctioned activities." He chuckled. "Why don't you make cleaning it a challenge?"

Guy said, "Excellent idea, honored Hokage! Kakashi, whoever cleans his half the fastest gets a point! Finding the former Hokage's or his late wife's underwear is ten points!"

Kakashi stared at Guy. "You are a fucking weirdo, Guy, you know that? I'd tell you to get a girlfriend, but you'll probably turn that into a challenge too. And I'm one point ahead."

"Of course! I am overflowing with the youthful vigor to take back the position that is rightfully mine!"

Kakashi's eyelid was drooping, his shoulders slouching. He looked pleading.

Sarutobi said, "Well, I'm glad you two are so enthusiastic about this. It wouldn't be right to have the ninjas of the village be indifferent to the survival of their aging leader. Just know that I wouldn't entrust this job to anyone else. I have a meeting to get to, so good luck."

He left the office and closed the door behind him. Neither Kakashi nor Maito needed supervision, and there were always a few loyal ANBU monitoring the place. Plus, he really didn't want to walk into that room: half because he feared something might remind him of his predecessor and the future he had been robbed of and half because he truly suspected that Minato could have made use of the room for things Jiraya could base a couple books on. Sarutobi descended the stairs.

While the place was called the Hokage tower, his quarters and possessions didn't occupy more than ten percent of it. Sometimes he thought it should be renamed to Central Archive because of all the Jutsu scrolls and mission and budget reports. His office was at the top, and the staircase went past endless rooms filled with shelves filled with paper. What would he give to push a reform through the Council to replace mission scrolls with mission books or simply piles of paper. The wooden cylinders that the rolls were wound around meant that he needed twice as much space and people to manage the archive.

In truth, they could lose most of what was stored in the Hokage tower and probably be fine. That was the first trick of the business—never put what's important where the enemy will be likely to find it. If Sarutobi had his way, the Council would meet in a random sewer chosen two hours prior to the meeting, but he had to compromise: Lord of the Fire Country and dignitaries from other Hidden Villages often attended these meetings, and he couldn't ask them to decide the fate of this corner of the Elemental Nations from the storage room under Yakiniku Barbecue. No matter how much he wanted to.

At his approach, the Anbu at the doors flared chakra in random patterns to remove any illusions in case he was an assassin trying to get close.

"Please, sir." Bear-masked man handed him the authorization Seal and he pumped a bit of his chakra into it. It glowed with blue, signifying that it really was him. "Thank you, Hokage-sama. Please, go inside."

The hall opened into a dark rectangular chamber. The greatest military power in the world couldn't conduct its business in the light.

"The word is given to Hyuuga Hiashi who has called this meeting," said Hiruzen and settled into his chair.

The Hyuuga patriarch stood up, the extra-large stick up his ass making him look as constipated as ever. "Yesterday an emotionless child with ninja training tried to infiltrate the branch house of our Clan. I request that Shimura Danzo be questioned on the matter as before his suicide the boy showed behavior that Shimura Danzo's operatives showed in the past.."

"Oh?" said Danzo from his spot. "Somebody is training ninjas outside the Academy? This simply will not do."

Outside, Sarutobi stayed calm. Inside, he vowed to beat Danzo with a shogi board in private just after he pulled his old teammate's ass out of the fire again. The roots of the Konoha were necessary, but Danzo often confused protecting with taking over in his old age. Sarutobi would have to remind him who was the boss here.

There had been many orphans after the Kyuubi's attack, and many were unaccounted for. If only he could find out just how many of those Root took.

###

"Somehow I feel I've done something to the old man and forgotten it." Kakashi wiped the sweat off his brow. "Damn it, now I need to change masks. One second."

Kakashi pulled a spare mask out of a pouch. Guy watched carefully and put his fingers into the Ram Seal to pulse chakra. Kakashi smiled that eye-smile of his, pulled up the headband, there was the spinning of the Sharingan, and the next thing Guy knew, Kakashi was putting his sweat-soaked mask into a pouch. Which reminded Guy: he needed to rearrange his pouches. They were the enemy: disrupting the eternal youth of glossy emerald spandex and getting in the way during combat. He was still looking for the perfect arrangement.

"Damn it, Kakashi." He pumped his right fist into the air. "Damn you and your hip ways."

Now that there were only two of them, he let up on the exclamations a bit. After all, the point was to spread the message of the Power of Youth, and Kakashi knew—he just didn't care. But one of these days Guy would get ahead by five points and win, and then his rival would be forced to honor the wager.

"Yeah, yeah." Kakashi was already buried in his abominable book again. He waved goodbye to Guy. "Wonder what I did to the old man . . . well, I'm sure I'll find out soon enough."

Guy sighed and looked at the weights in the corner again. They were a masterpiece, crafted by Tobirama-sensei himself. They adjusted for the user's strength automatically and switched off if the ninja burned chakra rapidly enough to signify an emergency. Wouldn't protect against an assassination, but still much better than removing the weights manually before every serious battle.

And all they had to do to uncover them was throw out a stack of fifty pizza boxes, three sets of chakra-suppressing handcuffs, and one couch. A box of . . . implements . . . was sealed by Kakashi to give to Naruto 'when he was ready'. To be honest, Guy wasn't sure Naruto would ever be ready. Well, perhaps if he trained under Jiraya-sama.

Guy exited the room five minutes after Kakashi. He knew where his friend was going and had no desire today to have this fight again. Arguments were supposed to be about who was better, they were supposed to be accompanied by challenges of skill and youth—in short, like the arguments they usually had. Whenever he tried to tear his rival away from his daily unyouthful moping at the Memorial Stone, Kakashi said something bitter and walked away. Guy would rather watch his friend gush over Jiraya-sama's work in front of Hokage's grandson again.

The sun was nearing midday, which meant he needed to check on his most beloved apprentice.

He heard Lee long before he crested the hill that hid Training Ground Seventeen. Suiton users maintained it, because it was a swamp used for survival training.

"Compensate, Naruto-kun, compensate! You will never get as good as me or my eternal rival if you don't go lower." It was Lee's voice.

"That's pathetic, dweeb." The drawl sounded very Uchiha-like.

"Shut up, bastard." There was a grunt. "Like this?"

He could finally see them. Naruto Uzumaki—that poor kid with the Fox sealed within him—was trying to do the balance exercise Guy had given Lee. Naruto wasn't using the metal discus, balancing on his head a rock that must have weighed thirty pounds instead of the one hundred lump of steel Lee used. Two other kids were on dry land, eating jerky. They were soaked in mud top-to-bottom, and it took him a while to recognize the Uchiha genius with his haircut all droopy. The other one had to be Sakura.

He shun-shined onto the scene, the rainbow Genjutsu already shining behind him. "Behold the Green Beast of Konoha!" He struck a pose. "Am I not youthful?"

Lee turned to him with adoration in his eyes, but the other three weren't as hardened as they needed to be, it seemed. The genius girl did a spit-take, and the pieces of jerky almost reached Guy. The Uchiha started to get crimson somewhere under all the mud, and the girl thumped him on the back while going red herself. Naruto, who had been mid-jump between spots of dry land while balancing a rock on his head, looked over his shoulder, his jaw dropped open, the rock fell off his head and into the water, and he landed in the swamp, sinking.

Guy cancelled the rainbow and closed his mouth. He knew the radiance of his smile was too much for the younger ones. Lee had been different though. Speaking of Lee.

Guy said, "My most youthful apprentice, you might want to save your new friend."

Lee looked away from him and to the swamp where Naruto was flailing trying to reach something to grab. Lee had been holding a wooden pole, and he thrust it toward the kid. Guy felt proud as his apprentice yanked Naruto and extra thirty pounds of dirt and water in one heave.

"You are easily distracted, Naruto-kun." Lee nodded sagely.

"Screw you!" Naruto said. "The only reason you didn't faceplant was because you were on dry land."

"It's unyouthful to blame your failures on others." Lee clapped twice. "Let's take a break. This is Guy-sensei. Guy-sensei, these are Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, and Sakura-chan."

Lee blushed at the last name, and Guy smiled. He sat down and patted the grass nearby. "You look like you deserve a rest, my young friends!" he said and gave a thumbs-up purely for intimidation. "What are you doing here, my rival's pupils? Did someone take Training Ground Three?"

Naruto nudged Sakura. "Come on, it was your idea."

The girl had trouble catching her breath. She still moved with the excess effort that civilians displayed. Guy was careful not to shake his head to avoid disheartening her.

"Kakashi-sensei is great," said Sakura. "But he is always giving us the same exercises—"

"So much tree-climbing."

"Shut up, Naruto. Anyway, he's working on our weaknesses, teamwork, and survival skills, but . . ."

Lee shook his head. "You shouldn't doubt your sensei, Sakura-chan. He wouldn't be my sensei's eternal rival if he weren't one of the best in Konoha."

"Eternal rival?" asked Sasuke.

She waved him away. "I'm sure there is some ridiculous story, and somehow dogs and pornography are involved, as always with Kakashi-sensei. Anyway, none of us doubt he's good: Naruto thought to look him up in the bingo book and his bounty is enough for a shinobi to retire, buy a house, and live the rest of their life comfortably with a family." She opened a pouch, took out a piece of jerky, checked it for any swamp water and began eating. "And he's really good. The problem is that Kakashi-sensei has been running solo missions for years now, and we are his first team, so we thought we'd see how other Genin train. Make sure we aren't missing anything."

Guy clapped Lee on the shoulder. "It was most youthful of you to assist your younger peers in their quest to reach their glorious dreams! By the way, if you three don't have glorious dreams, get them." He smiled and flexed his muscles under the green spandex. The kids cringed. He couldn't wait for them to meet Anko. "Anyway." He leaned forward. "Knowledge is power, my young friends, and all power has a price. I don't mind giving you some conditioning exercises, so you don't die in a ditch somewhere because you can't run for two days straight—"

"Two days?" Sakura's question was a whimper.

"—but I can't just give you all my super-secret Green Beast training techniques."

"How good can those be anyway . . ." said Sasuke, frowning at his soaked shorts.

"I don't want to be a Green Beast . . ." said Sakura.

Guy said, "Well, I suppose a little demonstration won't hurt. Lee, time for a spar."

The boy pumped the air and began jumping, crying "Youth!" with every jump. Gai pumped some chakra through his system to warm up and manifest the rainbow again. He jumped ten times in unison with Lee just to mess with the kids. Guy took the Konoha Fist stance.

"Wow," said Naruto. "The stats on that style are amazing. And that rainbow Genjutsu is pretty solid too."

Guy frowned: he hadn't sensed a pulse of chakra from the kid that could explain him being able to see through the illusion. He then shrugged. Of course, Naruto realized it was an illusion—what else could it be, a real rainbow?

Lee came at Guy with a left punch to the head, and Guy instinctively dodged straight into a right hook. He leaned back and out of the way. A rush of air swept by his face and then there a kick coming for him from the right that turned into a sweep as soon as Guy ducked.

Lee was getting better every day, but Guy kept perfecting the style too. He refused to rely on his superior stamina, speed, and strength in these spars: it would be unfair, of course, but it would also make the training useless to Lee. Despite how it looked, Konoha Fist was a tactical style. It relied upon keeping the opponent off-balance with a storm of attacks each of which would be deadly if ignored.

Lee sidestepped Guy's kick, slit through the punches, and tried to knee him in the solar plexus. When Guy stepped back, his apprentice jumped, spun in the air and tried to kick him in the sternum. Guy simply blocked the boot with both of his forearms and let it push him back ten feet. His arms smarted a bit, but the respite allowed him to regain his balance.

"Enough," he said. "Good, my apprentice. Now." He turned to Kakashi's team. "What did Lee here do right and what did he wrong?"

"He was weak," said Sasuke.

Naruto said, "He would kick your ass in ten seconds, bastard. Mine too. Maybe the three of us could . . . nah, he's too fast."

Sakura nodded. "Lee-sempai's and Guy-sensei's style seems to rely on keeping the enemy off-balance until you either get lucky or wear the opponent down. Because Guy-sensei is much more experienced, Lee-kun has little chance to get a lucky hit, and his stamina is obviously lower than his teacher's, so he was right to get in close and take some risks as he would never get a hit in otherwise even with Guy-sensei holding back."

Maito nodded and motioned for her to continue.

"But he was wrong to use an attack that helped open the distance between him and a stronger opponent. The only way to win against one with a style like that is to pressure them into making a mistake."

Naruto said, "Yeah, he was fine while he was pressing his sensei."

Lee was quite red by this point. "The weights—"

Guy cut him off. "My apprentice, you can't just fight in one tempo and one pattern, even if it's at the top of your ability. The worst you can do in unarmed combat is allow your enemy to get used to your style. Still, you are improving. Keep at it, be mindful of how your speed and skill match up with the enemy's, and you will beat your eternal rival in no time."

The Genin team didn't react to the phrase, which Guy considered a point in their favor. They were developing the skill every ninja in the field desperately needed: to ignore other ninjas' weirdness.

Sasuke slouched and grimaced as if what he was about to say was going to physically hurt him. "Lee, you should fight Kakashi-sensei," he said. "That bum can pick up a personal style in two minutes flat. Should put things into perspective."

Guy thought about it. It wasn't a bad idea, but he disliked asking other Jounin for help with his team. After all, there was a reason Konoha taught only basics at the Academy. By making Genin specialize in the areas their teachers favored they made sure that every ninja would be unique and unpredictable in battle.

And yet, Lee really needed to start weaving different tricks into his style.

"Can I learn to fight like that?" asked Naruto.

The boy's eyes were as blue as the lakes of the Whirlpool country on a sunny day. Guy shook his head. "You sure can! But my team has our own missions and training, so you'll need to ask Kakashi. Maybe if you ever get to where Lee is now—"

"Our sensei knows that style?" asked Sakura.

Guy grinned. "He wouldn't be my eternal rival if he didn't know Konoha Fist! Kakashi knows most of Konoha's fighting styles. His own is the refined version of what most Anbu learn, but he can get you up to intermediate level in anything he's ever seen."

Sasuke nodded, "The Sharingan."

Guy shrugged. "Not really. He graduated from the Academy at six, and that was way before he got the Sharingan. Kakashi simply has better muscle memory than anyone I've ever seen, except for our Hokage. It's why he doesn't fumble any techniques he steals. Anyway, kids, nice meeting you. Get stronger, so that when Konoha needs its ninjas to defend its youthfulness, we can stand shoulder to shoulder as most friendly rivals!"

When all was said and done, Guy went to the library under Henge (the security knew it was him, but he had a reputation to protect). He was researching old Seal Masters today, just in case his team ever ran into a gauntlet of traps in some sprawling mansion. His kids didn't know yet that Guy's specialty wasn't just brute force. After all, he and Kakashi had met during an infiltration mission. Admittedly, he wasn't as good at those as Kakashi—it's just that when things went to hell, he could blow a couple Gates and be half way to Konoha before anyone realized what was happening.

He then stopped by Yakiniku to get his supper to go. Today he had found only three hours to train, so all he needed were three pounds of rice with pork and a pound of vegetable salad for the vitamins and minerals.

By the time he got home, Lee was already fast asleep, the remains of his meal tucked safely into trash. Guy shook his head at the cardboard pile: there was a reason why his training methods weren't adopted more widely. There probably wasn't enough rice around Konoha to feed its ninjas if they all started running around the village on their hands with their own weight strapped to their arms and legs. Guy went to his room to change.

The double bed had green sheets and had emerald blankets. He would have preferred it to empty a bit less often, but, unfortunately, people talked. The suit and the smile were great for promoting youth—not so great for personal life. And he had a kid to raise, which scared away the kunoichi who could look past the suit or maybe just liked abs enough. Anyway, he could spare a couple more years until Lee would be completely independent. Maybe, with their combined salaries, they would be able to afford a larger home.

Guy blinked. This wasn't like him. Must have been seeing how that Naruto kid looked at his mud-caked pink-haired teammate. He chuckled and went into the shower to take the suit off, which barely took twenty minutes to avoid pulling all his body hair out.

###

"And five pork-ramen to go." Said the client.

"Ayame?" asked the old man.

"Got it!"

It was past their normal closing hours, but they always let the Akamichi family members through the back door. Chouza and his Clan were the backbone of the Konoha restaurant industry, and they had two of their relatives frequenting Ichiraku Ramen. The meat finished frying, she added it to the noodles and vegetables, poured the broth in and sealed twenty containers in ten seconds. Ayame divided the ramen into two bags and came out of the kitchen, struggling under the weight a bit.

"Here, let me," said Kiparo and grabbed both bags with one meaty hand.

He and his wife looked like they could break through a city wall if they got enough momentum, and they probably could. The Akamichi were one of the kindest Clans in Konoha. They had a share in many businesses, enjoyed their prosperity and had a contract with the village that made sure they wouldn't be hired for settlement demolishment missions. Kiparo had told her once how his clan would get hired to flatten some mining town or two in the days before Konoha. Two Akamichi could destroy a building in three seconds flat because of their abilities, and they were highly sought after because of that: in prolonged warfare, starving the enemy by destroying their farming settlements was the best way to go.

Ayame shook her head. She had been listening to her father too much lately. She was a chef, not a ninja.

Kiparo paid and walked out the back door. Ayame watched him lean on his right leg a little.

"Noticed he's hurt too, did you, Ayame?" asked Teuchi.

She shook her head. "I don't know what you are talking about, father."

He chuckled. "Sure. Just because you didn't want to become a ninja, you don't need to pretend to be dull."

She began scrubbing the dishes with more fervor. They were all shinobi a bit, she supposed, no matter how she hated what that job brought into the lives of everyone around a ninja. There was no getting around it in Konoha—they were a shinobi village after all. Only no one ever remembered that ninjas were people, and no one mourned the years and lives they gave in protection of the village.

After the stand closed, she went on a date with a trader from Sand who had come to their stand three days ago. He was blond, and how he would rub his face reminded her of an ermine.

###

They were at a restaurant. He inclined his head to the left. "But don't ninjas get to do whatever they like to the civilians?"

Ayame laughed. "You can't be this naïve, Juuto. Wait, I think this place has the Village Council game: I remember a client telling me."

The restaurant—a café, really—was on the southern outskirts of Konoha, near the room where Juuto was staying. It was owned by a couple that had escaped Wave Country five years ago, so Naruto could get served here. It was he that told Ayame of the Pickled Hog's selection of tabletop games. Most of them were Wave classics like Pirates and the Militia, but they had some of Konoha's favorites too. The owners were both at the counter: Akiha was counting the night's revenue, and Nagiki was wiping the glasses.

"Can I borrow 'the Village Council' for a game, please?" she asked.

Nagiki looked her over and then glanced at her date. "Sure, you two look like you can afford to pay if you break it." He reached under the counter and pulled out a heavy wooden box and a sheet of paper. "Sign this form, please. Just in case you do destroy it."

She looked the document over and raised an eyebrow. "No Fire Jutsu?"

The owner nodded solemnly. "Some ninjas can't take losing at all, Ichiraku-san."

Ayame grinned, signed her name, took the box, which was almost more than she could lift, and wobbled toward the table. She tripped five steps from the table and began to fall, but Juuto jumped from his seat and was there to catch her almost before she could blink. She smiled at him, set the box on their table and began to unpack it.

She said, "Okay, so a player plays a civilian or a ninja clan that has a seat on the Council. The rules take care of Hokage actions, and random events are attacks and espionage by other villages that happen in return. You earn resources from trade and ninja missions and spend them on operations of your own and on gaining influence within the village that lets you pass the laws you need." She handed him a heavy scroll with the rules. "This has everything you need to know to play."

He looked at it as if it was a physics textbook. "I think I'll just learn as I go along."

Ayame laughed. "Suit yourself, but it means that I'm winning the first game."

She picked the Akimichi Clan and began dealing the cards with the starting assets they would have for the game. It took them three hours to finish two matches, and it had got past midnight, so she volunteered to walk Juuto home as a reward for him winning on his second try.

"I had a great time," he said. "Even if it feels weird that a civilian woman is escorting me." He smiled. "I mean, we usually hire ninjas for that sort of thing back home."

"Well, maybe I am a ninja." She squinted at him.

"Please. Only if it's a Henge, Ayame-chan."

When they were at the door, she held him back with a finger when he leaned in for a kiss. "Have some patience, Juuto-kun. Good things come to those who wait."

Ayame waved him goodbye and headed in the direction of her home. She spotted the first Anbu operative after she walked two blocks. Ayame made the hand sign for emergency, and the man shunshined to her.

"Do you require assistance, miss?"

She thought, they must teach them that perfectly bland tone. "Thank you for coming, Boar-san. I believe there is a Suna spy two blocks to the South masquerading as a trader by the name of Juuto Sakyuu."

The Boar tilted his head a little. "His last name is supposed to be _Dune_?"

Ayame shrugged. "It's a common last name. But he pretended to be completely ignorant of Hidden Village politics, his reflexes and speed are way too good for a civilian, and he showed experience with ninjas that didn't fit him pretending to be ignorant of how a village works. I just thought you should watch him."

The Anbu officer nodded. "Thank you for warning us, miss. Please refrain from seeing this individual for a few days while we look into him."

The ninja disappeared and Ayame was on her way again. She sighed. The guy had been nice.

There was a chance it was nothing, she supposed, but her gut told her otherwise. Suna had been having economic trouble lately, and merchants from the village were bringing less and less goods to Konoha. Juuto's vast stock of spices and metalwork didn't fit the trend.

Her only consolation was that if the guy really was a civilian, he wouldn't notice Anbu surveillance, and Konoha didn't start interrogating people without probable cause.

Sometimes she thought it would be better to live in a place nobody cared about, but then she remembered that one Jounin could wipe out a small town in an hour or two, and there would be nobody to stop him in a settlement that didn't have any ninja in it.

"Dad, I'm home," she said, stepping over the threshold.

"This late?" Her father grinned. "Does it mean it went well."

"He was a bit too bland for me. I don't think I will see him again."

###

The boredom of watching over an empty shop was the price Tetsugo paid for days like this, when half the village came to him to buy equipment. A couple Jounin were in a corner, examining the tantos he had made last week and talking about who was dating whom down in torture and interrogation. Asuma Sarutobi was here too, going through his shelf of chakra metal blades that he infused with wind one after another.

The door banged open, and his daughter Tenten marched in, dragging an orange-headed genin after her. The kid was impossible to mistake for anyone else, and Tetsugo frowned. He hoped there were no dung bombs on Naruto—he wouldn't tolerate that kind of crap in his shop. Tenten pushed the kid into a shelf of kunai, nearly impaling him on the blades.

She said, "Look, this is what a kunai is supposed to be like. Not that junk you carry around. I swear, you might as well throw yours handle-first."

A pink-haired kunoichi, and their resident Uchiha celebrity (he didn't envy the kid for his fame) walked in after Naruto. "Hn," said the Uchiha and walked to the katana display. "These are good."

"Of course they are good," said Tenten. "I told you, didn't I?"

"Some weapons in my family's armory came from here, I think."

While this was happening, Tetsugo left the counter and got close to them. "I have done a fair amount of work for the Uchiha before the massacre," he said. "Tenten, can you introduce me to your new friends?"

"Friends?" The girl scoffed. "It's just that the orange shrimp here can't tell a kunai from a wooden stick, so I'm teaching him. Can't have my team have anything to do with such a disgrace."

"Ah," said Tetsugo. "So you are Kakashi's kids. Any of you interested in weapons?"

"Katanas," said Sasuke. "They take the longest to craft, and any mistake will make the blade worthless. I'm especially looking for ones inscribed with Seals."

Tetsugo frowned. "Any blade made by folding metal is difficult to craft. And mistakes always happen. There are no perfect swords. What makes a good smith is knowing where imperfections matter and where they don't. Otherwise, you may spend a lifetime on handle ornaments." He walked over to the wall with katanas on display. "I'm afraid I can't sell you anything augmented with Fuinjutsu until you are Chuunin."

The boy frowned but didn't disagree. "Do you make these?" he asked.

"Of course dad makes them!" said Tenten.

He sighed. "I can speak for myself, daughter. Yes, I made almost everything in this shop. Tenten helps with manning the counter when not on missions and I have her and a couple people apprenticing under me. Why the question?"

Sasuke shook his head. "Nothing in particular. I'm just looking for smiths to do custom jobs for me in the future. Sakura has looked up some interesting applications of Fuinjutsu to weapons, armor, and equipment. But they take a lot of skill to make."

Tetsugo shook his head. "You seem like nice kids, but you'll have to come back when I'll know that my time won't be wasted on you."

Sakura held nunchaku in her hands and examined the metal work on the bands he had reinforced the wood with. "This is just what we need", she said. Oi, Naruto!"

Naruto immediately bolted out of the corner with a bag of kunai. "These are great!" he said. "And way cheaper than what I normally buy." For some reason, the boy was staring to the right of Tetsugo's face. "And you don't hate me." He sounded surprised.

"Why would we?" asked Tenten.

Tetsugo didn't reply, but he took the kunai and walked back to the counter.

"They are hopeless," said Tenten. "Don't know anything about bukijutsu. Probably can't tell a tanto from a wakizashi."

"Tantos have straight blades," said Sakura. "Everyone knows that."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Not everyone, Sakura-chan."

Sasuke grunted his assent. "There were only basic lessons at the Academy for everything except shuriken and kunai."

Tenten rolled her eyes and jabbed a finger in their direction. "See what I have to work with, father? If things go on like this, the brats will get themselves killed, sensei will cry manly tears for his rival's team, and things will be even more crazy than they already are. You." She pointed to Sakura. "You are slower than those two, so we are getting you forearm protectors to block stuff. I'd offer a mesh, but only the ones Anko-san wears are left."

Asuma sputtered in his corner.

Tenten didn't pay him any mind as she was already dragging Sakura to the armor section. She grabbed a bundle of metal plates and belts and towed the bewildered Genin to the fitting room.

Tetsugo turned to the remaining two kids. Naruto would glance at a shelf and then stare at his toes as if he suspected to be chastised for looking.

"Well, what are you waiting for, dweeb? We are here, so let's stock up on smoke-bombs."

 **End of Chapter Notes**

 **General stuff**

UPDATE 2017-11-14: I've updated this chapter and made it a lot lighter. It was too depressing for the tone I'm going for with this fic and my writing in general.

I'm alive and writing again. I apologize for making you wait this long: I had been sick the entire September and couldn't skip work. Between that and ongoing construction in my family's house, I'd been spending my free time by sleeping and coughing. Things are better now, so new chapters will come more often. Next chapter should be a bit of D-Rank training montage and the start of the Wave mission unless some idea lodges itself in my head.

When I first planned this fic, I thought I'd insert a couple chapters about the daily life of secondary characters in different parts of the Elemental Kingdoms. This is the first such chapter about Konoha, and I plan to do at least another one plus some for the other Hidden Villages later. I needed to get back into the game anyway, and writing a bit of filler to flesh out minor characters was fun.

 **Notes on this chapter.**

I'm having every ninja, from the lowest Academy student to the Hokage, train for at least a couple hours every day. Not everyone is insane like Guy, but the idea that we barely see Kakashi train is ridiculous. If he and Guy are rivals, and the score in their competition keeps staying equal, then both are improving at about the same rate (and I don't believe that Kakashi is just playing with Guy).

I'm not too big on the idea of the Jounin extensively teaching each other's students that is in some fics, as that makes things kind of boring and would make Konoha's military a lot more predictable, but I agree that it makes sense for a Jounin to help another team if they need basic grounding in a skill their teacher can't or won't teach, so I'm making Team Seven the catalyst for this change. Thanks to his ability, Naruto can immediately see what each teacher is capable of, so it will be about persuading the people that can help him and his team to spend some time on Team Seven.

I combed through the wiki and Google but couldn't find out who Tenten's parents are in canon. I'm pretty sure her dad runs a weapon store in Konoha, but I can't find his name, ninja rank—anything. If any of you know this and can point me to the manga chapter or the anime episode, please drop by the comment section.

Into the Maelstrom is getting an update next Saturday and then it will be back to this story.

In other news, my original novel is in the final stages of editing. There is till getting a cover and stuff, but I'm already super-excited about sharing the project I've been working on for more than a year now.

Stay shiny and until next time.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes**

Hello, everyone. I'm back with another chapter of Naruto fun. Long notes are after the chapter for those of you who like to peek under the hood or those who want to know my plans.

Fonts:

"Sasuke, drop the stupid perfume. I can smell you from a mile away." Speech.

 _"Ultimate Horned Toad Harem Jutsu!"_ Techniques.

 **Being an Asshole level 100 reached. Title 'Professional Jerk' unlocked.** System messages.

 ** _"I demand the glory that is Fish-and-Chips, my container!"_** Kyuubi speaking.

Let's dive right in.

Disclaimer That I Often Forget But That Applies Everywhere. I prayed to the altar of Kishimoto for seven nights, and yet I still don't know Naruto. Just having fun here for no profit.

 **Chapter 5**

Thanks to Naruto's clones, Sakura's brains, and Sasuke's popularity, they completed thirty D-Rank missions in three weeks. They usually went something like this.

Team approaches client. Client scowls at Naruto or curses to himself or tries to get another team. Kakashi politely explains to the client that he can get another team, but he'll have to pay for the job twice. Client grumbles but says okay. Then he explains what he needs three Genin and a Jounin for. So far they have done watering plants, babysitting, and having _the talk_ with some guy's kids—he had lost his wife and decided he'd pile the bees and birds talk on a bunch of twelve-year-olds. By the end of it, everyone was red and stuttering, and Naruto had a newfound respect for the teachers at the Academy who started teaching students about sex from the ripe age of seven.

###

"This is useless, sensei," said Naruto after they had built a treehouse for a well-off merchant.

Kakashi glanced at him from behind one of his many books of smut and buried his head in it again. "Why would you say that, Naruto? I thought you'd be happy to have money."

Sure, Naruto was happy to have money. Unfortunately, the damn fox had been bugging him for ages to fix up the apartment building. **_"My container living in a dump is a disgrace,"_** it said. **_"And its suboptimal because you don't get the experience bonus you can get from rest."_**

Suboptimal was the Kyuubi's new favorite insult for him.

It seemed like lately the fox had become more interested in Naruto's life or perhaps a bit bored with its gaming. Something about needing to wait in real time for his subordinates to gather resources in some game? Naruto barely paid attention to the details, but the gist of it was that a better place to live would make him get stronger. **_"And what would those teammates of yours think of your apartment, I wonder?"_** said the fox.

It was enough for him to bite the kunai and begin dumping most of his money into materials. After two weeks of this, his Craft skill was 30/100, and he could reliably sew a burlap sack, not that he could sell one to anyone. He needed more money for stuff and a better reputation to begin selling what he made and thus getting back the money he spent. Maybe an apprenticeship with Tenten-chan's dad? Teuchi-san was nice, and it looked like his shop could use more help, considering his daughter was out on missions half the time.

"What are you thinking, dweeb?" asked Sasuke.

"I think we should start taking C-Ranks. I mean, I have this journal thingie as a part of my ability, and it shows me our reputation in the village? We are Disliked by the civilians, and our Reputation is minus three hundred. We need to get to zero to change it to Neutral, and one D-Rank mission gives us five reputation. At this rate, it will take months."

Naruto didn't mention that their team's lackluster reputation was mainly his fault. Nobody cared about Sakura (which was their loss), and Sasuke was the village's idol, but having a Jinchuuriki on Team Seven really hit their ratings.

Sakura looked at him, her brows furrowed. "That power of yours is creepy. Do you have telepathy now? And what will change if we get a better reputation?"

Naruto shrugged. "We might stop getting shortchanged when buying stuff, I don't know."

Sasuke glanced at him sideways but didn't say anything. Naruto was sure that Sasuke suspected him of not being completely honest, but it wasn't like he was trying to pull Uchiha secrets from the bastard, so he didn't see how his circumstances were Sasuke's business. Except that they were hurting their team. But Kakashi-sensei knew, and surely he would say something if it became a problem. Except Kakashi was prohibited by law and could get executed . . . Naruto ran a hand down his face and groaned.

"Jeez, Naruto, lighten up," said Sakura. "We are almost at the Hokage tower. Maybe we'll get a better job this time. That shopping run was fun."

Naruto hummed a tune to himself, and he saw Sasuke resolutely keep his eyes on the road. That fun shopping trip had lasted four hours, and most of the shopkeepers glared at him until Kakashi-sensei did that weird eye-smile thing on them, and they became creepily polite. Those missions were the worst.

As they went up the stairs, he chanted under his breath, "Please not Tora, please not Tora, please not Tora . . ."

He heard Kakashi-sensei snort from behind Icha-Icha, and he hoped he was snorting at him and not at whatever was at the page. Jiraya was a pretty cool ninja, but he was perverted as hell. His books didn't have many kanji, so Naruto picked a couple up back when he had been learning to read properly, and it had been a terrible mistake. He had built a ceremonial bonfire (okay, a pile of branches and kindling) to burn the damn things and cleanse the stain that they had left on his soul. But when full moon came he would still dream of buxom women at a hot springs resort doing unspeakable things to each other.

The Tower was as packed as it always was during working hours. Konoha's shinobi forces were massive, and they needed a massive bureaucracy to receive, rate, and distribute missions. There was also mission reports processing and archiving and a lot of other stuff that made Naruto's head hurt, but the Old Man told him that it was all Hokage's job, so Naruto grit his teeth and tried to observe as much as possible.

 **Your Politics skill has levelled up. It is now 8/100.**

The label appeared before his eyes in orange accompanied by a soft chime.

Below it, in red font. **_Congratulations, kit. You should be ready to govern the village in no time. Thirty years is about right._**

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes?"

"How much work goes into handling mission requests?"

"Well—" Kakashi scratched his nose under the mask. "—I don't want to spoil the surprise, but since you asked . . . apart from the two Chuunin on duty on the Hokage's floor, there are eight more throughout the building handling giving out missions and accepting the reports the Hokage doesn't have time for. Overall, there are a hundred Chuunin that handle incoming requests, assign ratings, pick out teams, and process payments and reports." Kakashi smiled that smile of his that didn't promise anything good. "Don't worry, all fresh Chuunin are required to pass an internship here, so you'll find out."

Sasuke said, "My father used to bring these huge piles of paper home and work on them until all of us were asleep. What a waste of time."

Naruto groaned. He didn't become a ninja to push papers, damn it! Not to mention that monotonous work, unless it was training, bored him, and he would probably fall asleep and drool over the papers in minutes.

Team Eight stepped into the line behind them. "Hello, Kakashi-san," said Yuuhi-sensei.

Kakashi-sensei held up a finger for five seconds, flipped a page, and looked up from his book. "Kurenai, hi, how's it going? Your runts giving you trouble?"

Kiba glowered at Kakashi, as did Akamaru from the top of his head. As always, Naruto was struck by the resemblance between the ninja and the dog. Shino was about as easy to read as ever, with his collar blocking the lower half of his face and the glasses blocking the upper. Naruto remembered that Hinata was on the team, but he couldn't see her anywhere.

"Kakashi-senpai," said Yuuhi, doing that murderous lips-only smile that all the females seemed to have perfected. "I don't remember giving you permission to call me by my first name. Will you refresh my memory?"

Kakashi stared at her until she raised her right hand to cover her mouth and chuckled. He said, "You wound me. You physically wound me."

Yuuhi shook her head and stifled her laughing. "Propriety in public places is important, Kakashi-senpai. Even between friends, as I continuously remind everyone. Not that it does any good when Guy is running around in a green bodysuit screaming about youth. How is your bet going, by the way?"

"The curse of being the only sane one in our group—how you must suffer," Kakashi said. "Guy is a point ahead. He is still convinced one day he'll beat me."

"Ehm, Yuuhi-sensei?" asked Naruto. "Sorry, but did something happen to Hinata?"

A smile played on Yuuhi's lips. She said, "Well, not _happened_ per se, but there definitely is something wrong with her." She snapped her fingers. "Maybe you can help. Take a look."

She stepped to the left and revealed Hinata who had been hiding behind her. The girl looked ill: there was sweat on her forehead, she was red in the face, and her weird eyes seemed to be bigger than usual. Naruto took a hesitant step toward her, wondering why nobody else said anything. "Are you alright, Hinata-chan?" he asked. He reached for her but then remembered how people normally reacted to his touch, so he stopped.

Her eyes fixed on his outstretched hand and with a small "Eep!" she hid behind Yuuhi again.

Naruto frowned. "Yuuhi-sensei, it's not okay to have her do missions like this."

Yuuhi giggled. "Oh, she'll be fine when the mission starts. It's a . . . situational thing."

Behind him, Sakura said. "Naruto, you can't be this dense."

 **Empathy check succeeded. It seems like Hinata's behavior has something to do with you.**

"Oh," said Naruto and stepped back.

It was possible the Kyuubi killed some of her relatives and someone slipped his status as a container to her . . . although the Hyuugas were a ninja clan, and he couldn't imagine them going directly against Hokage's orders. They could be setting her against him though. This was weird, so he scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously.

 ** _Super-dense_** **perk unlocked. You barrel through life heedless of anything that doesn't fit into your worldview. Whenever you see evidence that goes against your deep beliefs, there is a fifty percent chance you will ignore it.**

He was missing something. Naruto looked to Kakashi-sensei for help, but he was back in his book, and the giggling coming from behind it was enough for Naruto to stay the hell away until his sensei finished reading the scene. Sakura had her face in her hands, and Sasuke simply looked more bored than usual.

"Sorry, Hinata-chan," he apologized just in case.

The doors opened, and the Old Man's secretary looked out into the hall. "Kakashi-san, Hokage-sama is ready for you."

Kakashi snapped his book shut and nodded. Naruto said, "Are we going to meet the Old Man? Does this mean it's not another D-Rank? Please tell me it's not another D-Rank."

"Naruto?" said Kakashi. "If you don't stop hopping, I'll ask Hokage-sama to give us an E-Rank."

"What's an E-Rank?" asked Sakura.

"Recording the growth of trees around Konoha. In real time. For a week." Kakashi-sensei smiled. "Tree health is very important to our village."

They entered. Hokage's office was as exciting as it ever was, even if the room smelled strongly of smoke. The odors changed almost every week, but at least today it wasn't something that made Naruto sneeze.

"Hello, Hokage-sama," said Kakashi. "Sasuke-kun, please report."

Kakashi's right hand moved to the pouch where he had put his book, but Sakura stepped toward him and slapped it away. Being around him and Sasuke was really doing her good, Naruto thought. Then she went red, no doubt remembering where she was and what she just did.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "We built a tree house. I designed it, Naruto made thirty clones, and all of them are pretty good with their hands. Sakura supervised the building."

"Is that all, Uchiha-kun?" asked Sarutobi.

"Yay, I'm so happy to be of service." Sasuke added with a deadpan expression, and everyone in the room sweatdropped. Sasuke sighed. "Hokage-sama, I hate to say it, but the dwee— Naruto is right. We are ready for more than basic construction jobs. Last time we went after Tora, we caught her in less than an hour. Please give us something that will make us improve."

The Hokage steepled his fingers. He looked at Kakashi. "What is your honest evaluation of your team, Kakashi-san?"

Their sensei cocked his head to the side, seemingly thinking, although Naruto had no doubt that he had prepared an answer beforehand. "They are overconfident," said Kakashi. "Their teamwork is rigid, they want advanced techniques instead of practicing the basics. When clients are rude to them, they yell at them, and then accomplishing the task only formally. Their defense is crap, and the first ambush is likely to have them full of arrows." He gave the thumbs-up. "I think they are about ready for a C-Rank."

Naruto blinked. Sakura said, "Sensei? How is that ready?"

The Hokage stood up. "Haruno-san, there is only so much D-Rank missions can teach you. No matter how much we want to protect new Genin, many skills can be properly developed only in genuine danger." He pulled open a drawer, took out a scroll, and tossed it over to Kakashi. "Very well. Usually we wait more until the first C-Rank, but it seems that if I let you roam much longer, Naruto will wipe out half of our D-Rank pool with his clones. Don't make me regret this, Kakashi-san."

Their sensei unfurled the scroll, and Naruto stood up on his tiptoes, trying to glance a peak. "What is it?" he asked. "Do we get to wipe out a thug lair, rescue a noble, steal a village secret? All three?"

Sakura groaned. "Naruto, remember when you were excited about D-Ranks? You are doing it again. C-Rank missions are somewhat dangerous, but they aren't that important. Best we can hope for is a courier or guard mission."

Kakashi finished reading the scroll and rolled it back up. "Right you are, Sakura-chan. This is a guard mission." Seeing Naruto's disappointed expression, he added, "But this means we can do some outdoor training I've been saving for our first time out of the village."

Naruto felt a smile appear on his face. His first time out of the village, in the wild, with training and Sakura-chan. Could it be better? Yes, it could if Kakashi-sensei and the bastard hadn't been going with them, and if he could bring ramen.

He smelled the client before he saw him. Tazuna was short, fat, and soaked in alcohol, or he stunk as if he was. He barged into the Hokage's office as if it was a watering hole, swayed on his feet, took one look at them, and said, "Okay, you got me. Now where is the team?"

The Hokage didn't even flinch. "I assure you that Hatake Kakashi is more than capable of handling guarding you alone, so you are lucky to get a full team in addition. Even a beginner ninja is more than a match for whatever bandits you might encounter on the road." He turned to Team Seven. "Your mission will be to escort Tazuna-san to Wave Country and guard him for two weeks. Wave Country is ridden with crime, and the bridge Tazuna-san is building might help get rid of the criminals, so expect to be attacked. Dismissed."

After discussing with their client when they would leave the village, Tazuna went to wherever drunks went in the evening.

"Don't forget to grab survival gear," said Kakashi-sensei. "I'll get books. You grab tents, flint, utensils, waterproof cloaks, mats for sleeping on the ground, and your basic travel kits."

The three of them were left in the middle of the street. Silence stretched, and it was quickly becoming uncomfortable: normally they would have evening training at this time, but Kakashi-sensei had dismissed them for the day, and Naruto was torn between asking Sakura-chan out and going home to gather his things and train.

"I want to see it," said Sasuke.

Naruto cocked his head to the left. "Are you sure you want me to moon you in front of Sakura-chan?"

That cracked Uchiha's façade, and seeing him go red was almost worth the right hook Sakura threw at Naruto. "Ow," he said, getting up from the ground and raising his hands in mock surrender. "Didn't know you felt so strongly about my buns, Sakura-chan."

She cracked her fingers, and he decided to stop needling her. Sakura was eating properly thanks to all the vitriol Sasuke spewed at her during their stamina training, so she hit even worse now. Naruto would have stopped the bastard from verbally abusing her, but Sakura's ass was starting to round out a little. Plus, there was a chance that decent physique would save her life in a bind.

"Okay, okay," he said. "What did you want to see, Sasuke? I thought I told you how this stuff works." He gestured to himself.

Sasuke crossed his arms and said, "I want to see how you power-level your skills."

"Why? It's not like you can use my method."

"I have no idea if I can use it. The Sharingan works on automatic muscle memory, and once I awaken it . . ." Sasuke shifted and looked away. " Anyway, farming skills sounds like a useful ability. I wonder if we can abuse it somehow to convince Kakashi to stop giving us these crappy D-Ranks. We'll never improve by doing them."

"You are forgetting Tora," said Sakura-chan, and the three of them shuddered.

"You know what, fine," said Naruto. "Sakura-chan, you coming?"

She shrugged, "Yeah, not like I have anything better to do."

Naruto didn't need his Empathy skill to tell she was full of shit, but he didn't say anything.

###

It took them twenty minutes but eventually they got to his apartment building. After being to Sakura's place a couple times Naruto felt self-conscious about his home. The front looked rundown with peeling paint and small cracks running down the walls. The hall they entered was worse. Water dripped somewhere, and the smell of mold permeated everything. The floor was clean enough, but it was old and in desperate need of repair.

"Once I get my skills high enough," Naruto explained, "I'm gonna fix this place up."

Sasuke and Sakura didn't say anything, so he led them to the hallway where his apartment was. He stopped them with a hand gesture and checked the string he had put above the door. It was still there, so nobody had broken into his place in his absence. Naruto opened the door, and squeezed past the pile of wooden bars that took up most of the tiny hall. He stepped over the grains of rice, took the sanding paper and the carving knives off the table in the middle of the room, and put it in a corner. He looked back: Sasuke was looking around with narrowed eyes, and Sakura had some sort of glitch on her face, like it froze between disgust and astonishment.

"You live here?" She asked. "There is barely space to stand."

She had it right. He said, "Well, I need to fix this place up, you know? The plumbing rattles, floor creaks, and I'm pretty sure there is a family of spiders that are the real owners of the building."

"So what's with all the wood?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto sat down at the table and picked a piece of sanding paper from under it. He said, "Turns out, the cheapest way to level my Craft skill is to make a shitload of items, and I can afford cheap. This is from that guy we helped two weeks back—the one who needed all the lumber moved? Oh, do you want tea?"

Sakura looked like she was about to protest, but Sasuke glared at her, and they both nodded. Naruto put the tools down and walked to the kitchen counter. He had cleaned the wood dust off everything before he left, but it was back now. He sighed. Working and living in one place sucked.

"So what," asked Sakura, "you just make a bunch of wooden figures, and it works?" She gestured to the small pile in a corner and walked closer. "Wait a minute. Is that supposed to be me?"

Sakura picked up one and examined it, and Naruto wanted to slap himself on the forehead for not thinking of properly cleaning the place, though where he could have stowed away the items to, he had no idea.

"Naruto," she said. "Why is my forehead protector on my neck?"

He felt his danger sense tingling and stepped away from Sakura just in case. His apartment had too many sharp implements. He tried, "I think your forehead is pretty?"

He had expected to be hit, but she just stood there, rotating the crude figurine this way and that. He added, "I'm not that good yet, and these really help level my skill, and we train every day, so I know what each of us looks like." He waved his hands. "The bastard and our pervert teacher are somewhere in there too."

To be honest, he mostly carved Sakura figurines, as it made him feel less weird than working on Sasuke or Kakashi, but he didn't want to creep her out.

She nodded. "Yeah, this isn't very good." Sakura the figurine down and looked at him. "Will you show me when you get better?"

The world stuttered for a moment, he began to fall backward, and stopped himself by putting both hands on the floor behind him.

"Naruto, you okay?"

He looked at Sakura. There were five hearts above her head and the first one was half-full.

 **A female has noticed you aren't an inanimate object. Romance mode unlocked!**

"Yeah, yeah, just surprised you'd want it." He got up.

Sasuke picked up one of the cylinder blanks Naruto had made and examined it. He asked, "And you'll be able to make anything if you level the skill?"

Naruto shook his head. "Doesn't work like that. Having the skill lets me use recipes. But yeah, I'm strong and agile enough, so I figure I'll be able to make anything with Craft if I have the recipe, and maybe I can come up with some new stuff too."

"And what affects how fast you improve?"

Naruto didn't see where Sasuke was going with this. "How expensive the stuff I make is, I guess? But expensive items are easier to fail and completely failing barely gives anything." He brought them their tea. "Really, Sasuke, I have no idea how this could help us. I just want to fix my house."

Sasuke waved in dismissal. "Do Shadow Clones help?"

Naruto shrugged and said, "Yeah, they work. Not as well as my own body, but I can pick up a bit from their memories."

"Dweeb, every time I think you may have a shred of brains you prove me wrong. Don't you get it? If your ability lets you craft anything, then we can skip the ninja rank restrictions and get custom equipment. Weapons, armor, poisons, traps, disguise kits . . . what?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Actually, poisons are Medicine and traps and disguise stuff are Larceny."

Sasuke blinked. "Polishing wooden sticks lets you make statues but not traps? Figures that you'd get an idiotic ability like that." Sasuke got up from where he was sitting and started pacing. "Anyway, we can use it. If we can also get your Fuinjutsu up –" he stopped. "Wait. Nobody is buying the stuff you make from you, but I can bet they would buy it from me." Naruto didn't like how Sasuke was rubbing his hands, in full-on plotting mode now. "Yes, perfect." He chuckled. "Naruto, would you like me to lend you a proper workshop? I'll even throw in a scroll or two on Fuinjutsu basics. I have no time to study them anyway—I have a ton of Katon and Raiton to go through—but you could do it with that broken ability of yours." Sasuke's eyes were aflame now. "Yes, I can see it. Most of my family's infused items were distributed among the ninja of Konoha, and there is almost nothing I can use except some Kunai of Returning, because everything is the wrong size, but if you can learn it fast . . . How long would it take for you to get to the level of, say, Tenten's dad?"

Naruto said, "I have no idea how good he is. But with a workshop and a forge I could probably make more expensive stuff and level up faster. I don't know."

Sasuke had the kind of glint in his eyes that Jiraya had when planning how to infiltrate the female side of the hot springs. "I don't get what the big deal is," said Naruto. "It's just stuff."

Sakura walked up to him and gave him a slap on the back of his head. "Naruto," she said. "Konoha runs on 'just stuff'. I mean, sure, Sasuke-kun is rich, and my family is well off, but you live in a dump. This could get you a house."

Sasuke snorted. "Everyone just assumes that I have a vault of ryo somewhere."

"You don't?" asked Sakura.

"During the massacre, the killer took almost all of our money and all the family treasures. I have lots of things, sure, but it's not like I have piles of cash lying around."

"How do you maintain the place?" asked Sakura. "I mean, I saw the Uchiha compound, and it's huge."

Sasuke grimaced. "The village pays for the maintenance to thank for my family's past service or something. But I hate to owe anything to anyone." He turned to Naruto. "And this is why you are going to make all of us rich and armed with the best stuff and, wait, I need to make a plan. Yes, if I sell some of the jewelry, I can order steel ingots, and they'll arrive by the time we get back from the mission . . . Sorry, got to go, bye!"

Naruto gaped at the door that Sasuke had slammed in his hasty retreat. He and Sakura were left alone, and she looked as stunned as he felt. Seeing the bastard this excited about something was weird: Sasuke must have hated being a charity case for the village.

"So, um, that happened," he said.

"Yeah," Sakura said.

He looked at her, and she looked away and sipped her tea. Water dripped somewhere else in the building. Wind blew outside. She smelled faintly of strawberries.

"You hair smells different," he said. "Did you change your shampoo, Sakura-chan?"

She stared at him for a moment, and this would normally be where he would get hit by something heavy, but it passed, and she giggled. "I did. But I'm four feet away from you. You can smell it from way over there?"

Naruto nodded, hesitant. One of the few useful things that Jiraya had taught him was that he shouldn't tell women he could smell them from across the room.

"Why do you look like you are waiting to get hit?" asked Sakura.

"Isn't smell kind of private?" he asked.

"Well, it's not like you can help it, right? And we are teammates, so we'll probably be bleeding all over each other before the year is over. This is decent tea, by the way."

Naruto felt a pang of pain in his chest, but he nodded, and poured her another cup. Just teammates, he thought. Well, not like the teammate zone was inescapable.

###

One of the best things about Naruto's ability was that he could see how much health and chakra he had at any time. Chakra was simple: it flowed naturally through his system, and when he used a Jutsu, he spent some. It wasn't like he could spend all the chakra in one arm and be completely fresh somewhere else. Health was different: there was this huge chart, and most of it was filled with question marks because of how low his skill in Medicine was (15/100 – Naruto hadn't paid much attention in school). He could view his body as a mannequin, and each body part could sustain a certain amount of damage before getting damaged.

Frankly, he had no idea how Old Man Hokage had survived to his age. In addition to the ability to view his body, he could also estimate the base damage weapons did, and even a kunai in the hands of a Genin like himself was enough to kill a person if he hit them in the right spot.

He supposed this was why the first technique Kakashi-sensei taught them was chakra reinforcement. It worked by cycling chakra throughout his body: skin became harder, but the muscles and bones gained the most protective ability. Even a minor influx of chakra made him about three times more durable than normal, and Kakashi-sensei had told them that all the ninjas who didn't want to die on their first mission always reinforced themselves at least a bit. There were limits, of course: a stronger current of energy began damaging the body, and ninjas stayed away from inner organs as channeling chakra into the liver, for example, could have unforeseen consequences.

As they made their way to Wave Country, Tazuna grumbling the entire time, Naruto practiced rapidly burning through about a fifth of his chakra and then letting his health and energy recover. His regeneration took care of the damage, and then he would start again. He couldn't do only two cycles an hour, but it was some improvement. It was better than nothing, which was exactly what he was getting otherwise from this trip in terms of training.

 **Chakra Manipulation Level 32 reached! Power and efficiency increased.**

After three days of travelling he had gained four levels. He had tried to stick a leaf to his forehead, but Kakashi-sensei had stopped him, saying that they needed to be on the lookout for ambush because that was what they were getting paid for. Naruto wanted to say he'd like to see a band of bandits who'd attack a Jounin and three Genin—their uniforms and headbands were on display—in the middle of Fire Country. But he had remembered that ninja were supposed to always follow the orders of their superiors in front of clients or some other such crap, so he had shut up and continued the exercise.

It was a beautiful sunny day. Tazuna was complaining about the heat, Sakura was trying to clean a stain she had on her uniform, Sasuke kept an eye out, and Kakashi-sensei was in the back buried in his book.

Naruto heard distant music, like a drum. Strangely, it didn't stop him from hearing the tiniest of sounds coming from the forest. The music got a bit louder, and he looked around, searching for the source. It sounded like it came from ahead of them, but he couldn't be sure that his brain wasn't tricking him simply because they were walking in that direction.

 **Perception check success.**

Two puddles were on the road, and Naruto frowned and sidestepped them.

Stupid music and stupid puddles. Maybe puddles caused music since there had been blessed silence before puddles appeared? Wait a minute. Those were the two only puddles they had seen since waking up.

"Hey, Sakura," he said. "You got any of that packed lunch left?"

"A couple onigiri, I think. You hungry?"

She slowed down, getting closer to him an Tazuna. Sasuke looked at them with disinterested eyes, but still got a few steps nearer, closing the gap in their defense. Kakashi-sensei didn't appear to pay attention. Naruto's back was to the puddles, so he put his hands in the modified Ram Seal. There was a shuffle behind them and all three Genin spun around.

Two ninjas jumped out of the puddles in front of Kakashi and cut through him with a barbed chain. Something fell to the ground, and there was a chance, however small, that it was their sensei, and it made Naruto angry.

 _"Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu!"_

Two dozen Narutos appeared and ran at the enemy, but the two ninjas simply turned around and ran to meet them, their chain going taut. They then punched and kicked three clones into oblivion while the chain took care of five more. "Pathetic," said one of the ninjas.

Naruto growled and made thirty more clones. All of them reached for their kunai pouches at the same time, crouched, and threw in the same mechanical action with absolute precision. The other Narutos moved in from the sides, blocking the ninjas from escaping the barrage.

Sasuke stepped to the front. _"Katon! Great Fireball Jutsu."_

Naruto found he rather liked this technique when it was not aimed at him. He saw the ninjas' eyes widen even as they were enveloped by orange flames along with several of his clones. He winced when the memories came to him. What a shitty way to go. At least they died surrounded by their favorite color.

He felt his jaw drop when the fire dispersed, and there were the ninjas: hair smoldering, eyebrows burned off, and clothes singed, but still alive. The chain between them glowed blue and red-hot now, and blue tendrils of chakra drifted off it.

"Now you've done it, punks."

"Bastard!" Naruto yelled at Sasuke. "Why did you give them the chain from hell?"

The enemies began spinning the chain and advancing, the circle of barbed fiery death making them impossible to approach. Naruto wished he knew some Water Release Jutsus or really anything elemental and long-ranged.

"Ideas?" he asked the other two.

"Sakura, snap out of it." Without turning to her, Sasuke slapped her across the face, and Sakura, who had been frozen—her knees shaking, eyes staring at where Kakashi had gone down—jerked to life.

"Sasuke-kun?" she asked, blushing.

"For fuck's sake, Sakura, get yourself together. We need a strategy here."

She shook her head, as if trying to get water out of her hair. "Right," she said. "We can't fight them. Naruto, make clones, and Henge them into duplicates of us and Tazuna. We should run."

"Brats!" yelled the enemy ninjas, but it was too late.

Naruto made the Seal, and the road filled with smoke. When it cleared, there were fifteen teams of him, Sakura, and Sasuke accompanied by a Tazuna. He picked a random direction and moved to run.

"That's enough," said Kakashi.

He appeared behind the enemy, already plunging two kunai into their necks. They dropped to the ground without a sound.

"Naruto, Sasuke, please keep Tazuna-san here so he doesn't lead us into any other surprises."

Naruto turned to the bridge-builder and saw that the drunk was slowly backing away, pale. He couldn't put his finger on what was strange about the situation, but he still grabbed their client by the arm, and Sasuke took the other side. Their training and a bit of chakra let them easily hold the larger man in place.

Only now did Naruto notice an envelope in the corner of his vision. When he focused on it, messages popped up.

 **Unarmored raised to 26/100. Unarmored raised to 27/100. Thrown Weapons raised to 43/100. Ninjutsu raised to 39/100. Chakra manipulation raised to 33/100.**

He blinked. The fight had barely lasted two minutes, and he had improved four skills. Was this what his ability did with live combat?

Kakashi-sensei unfurled on the ground two scrolls he had taken from his backpack. He picked up the bodies and put them on the scrolls, and then put each of his palms on the scroll. There was an explosion of smoke, and the bodies were gone.

"Congratulations on your first bounties, my little minions." He clapped his hands. "I'll be taking half and spending it on quality literature, but the rest is yours."

Naruto pouted. Sakura asked, "Sensei, were those two in the bingo books?"

"Yep, Gouzu and Meizu from Kirigakure. So called Demon Brothers known for their extremely violent combination techniques based on the chain. Chuunin-level."

Naruto whistled. Even if they couldn't beat them, their team had held their own against two Chuunin. He'd be Hokage in no time!

Sensei packed the scrolls back and approached the group. First, he crouched next to Sakura and ruffled her hair. Naruto noticed the tear tracks under her eyes—he had missed those during the battle.

Kakashi-sensei said, "Sakura-chan, do you know why I pretended that they killed me?"

"To ambush them later?"

Kakashi-sensei shook his head. "At my level, I could have murdered them back when they were hidden as puddles. Sasuke?"

"You wanted to test us," said Sasuke. "If you had been that weak, you would have died from that trap we set up for you back at the academy."

"Correct." Kakashi smiled. "You are smarter than Sasuke, Sakura. Your intellect is your best weapon, so don't let emotions cloud it."

Naruto saw a window open in the corner of his vision.

 **Would you like your teammates to benefit from the level-up?**

He pressed yes.

Tendrils of boiling red shot from his stomach and toward Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto saw Sasuke's eyes widen as his teammate tried to evade, but the blob simply changed direction and hit him in the chest. For a moment, everyone stood silent.

"What the hell are you?" asked Tazuna.

Sasuke said, "Naruto. What in the name of the Hokage— Skill points, a stat sheet? And, Kami, why does it say my character class is named _Fabulous Bastard_?"

Kakashi cut them off. "Not in front of the client," he said. "Now, Tazuna-san, it will be in your best interest to forget that." How Kakashi managed to make his eye-smile threatening, Naruto didn't know. "Let us discuss why it is that you have ninjas after you."

 **End of Chapter Notes**

Hello, everyone, welcome back to watching me mash gamer elements into Naruto in supposedly lore-friendly ways (who am I kidding) and fail at that spectacularly. I hope you liked this chapter.

It took a bit longer than I had planned: I restarted the chapter a couple times before I realized that somewhere along the way I started to write this as a serious fic, and somehow making the mix of the insanity that is Naruto and a ton of video game AU stuff didn't become the next Macbeth. I have no idea why.

I'm back on track now, I'm starting to get an idea of the scope of this fic, and it's promising to be lo-o-ong. Forty thousand words and we just got into Wave. Doing my best to make this journey fun though.

 **A side-note**

As we see in the battle between the Ninja Alliance and Madara at the end of the manga, Ninja Alliance had about eighty thousand people in it (I trust the wiki on this), composed of ninja and samurai alike. Konoha is supposed to be one of the largest ninja villages, so they should have more than ten thousand shinobi in their active forces, most of whom would be Genin. I believe Kishimoto retconned the numbers to make the last battle epic enough as we don't see nearly enough ninjas at the Chuunin Exam, at the battle with Pain, and at other pivotal moments, but let's leave that to the mangaka's conscience. What's important is that a lot more than three teams graduate each year, which is why the Hokage tower is crowded during working hours, and there is a dozen super-efficient Chuunin in charge of processing instead of just two.

 **Review replies**

If your review needs a reply, you'll get one (plus, you know, feedback makes me happy).

hennessyswagg83

Dude, that user name. Yeah, I get what you are saying about Kage Bunshin and Bunshin. You are right, the scroll has Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu in it (Multiple Shadow Clone Technique), not Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique). I've gone back and fixed the name. The source of the confusion is, of course, that when Naruto shouts the name of the technique, he forgets the _Multiple_ part all the time.

I've changed Bunshin on purpose—I know it's Ninjutsu in canon. Thing is, I come out of World of Darkness, where there is this great rule: different schools of magic (types of techniques) shouldn't replicate each other's effects completely. Having Ninjutsu that create chakra constructs made of light is, as far as effects and chakra costs go, the same to me as using a visual Genjutsu. This is a pet peeve of mine, so I changed the Bunshin. And I just don't agree with you on Naruto having Senju blood or not. Asura and Indra have reincarnated throughout history, and unless it's just an incredible coincidence that Indra reincarnated into Madara and Sasuke, they stick to clans or, possibly, direct descendants. This leads me to thinking Naruto is at least distantly related to Hashirama and has Senju in him.

Nihatclodra

I've been using three asterisks as scene separators in my fics for a while. What I didn't consider is that FF for some reason removes those when I upload a text. Switched to '###' everywhere and updated my fics. Thanks!

Broovian

Thank you for making me do research and break my mind with the Henge. The fanon seems to be as I described it: everyone uses an illusion, and Naruto is special. And the canon is screwed up: Henge is definitely physical, because Naruto turns into a shuriken during the fight with Zabuza, and Sasuke isn't surprised. It also seems to change the target's abilities like when Naruto turned Gamabunta into the Kyuubi (this scene also proves that it doesn't pop easily from damage). This, however, makes Henge beyond broken. If it is physical, then it can't be detected by dispelling illusions, and only stuff that can see chakra would help (Byakugan, Sharingan). And there seem to be no restrictions on size, and ninjas seem to keep their perceptions when transformed. So, basically, it's polymorph from D&D, with all of the potential abuse, but worse, because it can do inanimate, human, and doesn't make the user lose their mind while in another form. Enemies? Henge into a bird, fly up, Henge into a blue whale. Infiltration? Henge into a steel coin and hide inside some merchant's cart. Spying? Just Henge into a doorknob or something. And Naruto has Shadow Clones. He can just spawn them above the enemy and Henge them all into anvils. They will still hit before they pop, or maybe they will get the durability of an anvil.

Screw this unbalanced shit. In my fic, Henge is Genjutsu. Doesn't cast a shadow, affects only sound and light, and a hand passes through it, which is why it's E-Rank and not B-Rank as canon Henge should be. Naruto's Henge is a real transformation, but it can transform him only into teenage or adult humans, can't create anything beyond simple clothes, and it pops if he gets hit.

###

P.S. My Star Wars fic _Into the Maelstrom_ will possibly be even larger than this monstrosity. What did I get myself into?

P.P.S. My original novel _Beware of Light_ will come out in a week or two, and I'll ping you fine people here in case any of you will want to check it out.

Stay shiny and until next time.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes**

Happy 2018, everyone! Sorry for the wait: I needed to figure out how I was going to handle video game powers in this fic, and I hope that I came up with a fun interpretation. Also, a lot of stuff happened in RL and writing, but I'll talk about it at the end of the chapter.

Let's dive in.

 **Chapter 6**

While they waited for Tazuna to fall asleep, Sasuke fiddled with the skill tree. He knew that he was under a Jutsu, but it looked real, and Naruto said that Sasuke's choice would really impact his abilities. There were legends in his family of illusions so powerful that they could trick the world itself—Izanagi and Izanami being prime examples. But those ate enormous amounts of chakra and had severe restrictions on their use: blinding Sharingan or needing to wait forever until the ability recharged. What the dweeb had was different and far more powerful, and Sasuke dealt with the evidence of Naruto's superiority the only way he knew how: by thinking up ways to exploit it.

Which was difficult, because the skill tree had been dreamed up by a sadist. It wasn't even as much of a tree as a circle. It started at the center where such skills as Basic Fire Mastery and Basic Persuasion were, and then the thing spread out like a demented web. A lot of the skills had question marks instead of their names, so there was no way to plan, but he saw that branches intertwine a lot further along the way. Somehow, if he learned enough household skills, he would be able to jump into advanced Suiton Ninjutsu. Was it supposed to be used to clean horse stables in one go?

Naruto and Sakura were next to him, and both looked like constipated rhinos, no doubt deep in their own character sheets. All three of them were as quiet as possible to keep Tazuna from hearing their conversation. Sasuke said, "Dweeb, this is ridiculous. Both that we are doing this, and how stupid this skill tree is. Why is it like that? Is this how your idiot head works?"

Naruto stuck out his tongue and said, "Screw you, bastard. This crap shifts, like, every week, and it's not like I design it. Just don't pay attention to the skills that are near the end."

Sakura said, "Guys? What are you talking about? It's all clean and clear. There are a couple questions, but they have to do with bloodlines, and apparently you need to cut someone's eyes out or be experimented upon to get access. Yuck. But I can even where Hashirama-sama's Mokuton techniques are: near Doton and Suiton. Only it has 'First Hokage DNA' as a requirement."

A suspicion started nagging at Sasuke, and he looked at his own skill tree again. On the other side of the crackling fire, Tazuna laughed loudly at something Kakashi had said.

The skills in Fire and Lightning Ninjutsu and the Sharingan techniques were a lot cleaner than the other skill branches, and less labels were question marks. He dragged a hand down his face. "I think this thing reacts to what we know about ninja progression. It's why Sakura can see more: she probably memorized everything about every ability imaginable at the Academy."

Sakura said, "Sasuke-kun, I still don't see what a lot of those circles do, but most of those are close to the edges and not in the center."

Naruto muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'stupid demon', and said, "Let me try something."

He fiddled with his fingers for a minute, and then Sasuke's tree cleaned up, and he could see everything up to Chuunin level at least. "What did you do?" he asked.

"Found the Share Skill Knowledge button. It was buried deep in gameplay settings after three screens of carpentry adjustments."

"How do you know where to look?"

Naruto shrugged. "I just know that this ability is trying to screw me over, so I think where I would put it, so it would be damn near impossible to find but still giving me an excuse if I needed to explain why it's there. It's just how this thing works."

What Sasuke understood after talking to Sakura and Naruto was that the dweeb's ability somehow reflected his character, and where he could head as a ninja. There was a huge chunk of the skill tree called Dark Avenger, and it had some over-powered skills, but they came with reputation hits and loss of allies and damage to his health. There were other special skill branches available. Assassination Specialist offered options for killing even the strongest of ninjas in one hit as long as he struck from hiding. Combat Genjutsu Specialist could incapacitate a small army with one Jutsu. Devastator was a Ninjutsu-focused specialization that could fry that same army in seconds, but would empty most of a Jounin's Chakra pool. All the branches had skills that depended upon him unlocking the Sharingan of a certain level, and those locked techniques were game-breaking: they enhanced his reaction time by a factor of twenty, let his illusions trap three times more people and deal physical damage, create self-guided Ninjutsu, and so on.

Sasuke asked, "Naruto, can I just learn everything?"

Naruto chuckled in embarrassment. "Basic skills—sure. Specialized stuff? Not so much. You need skill points."

"Why are you giggling?" asked Sakura. "It's weird."

"We-e-ell . . . It's just that you said you got four skill points each? I got ten." Sasuke didn't know what kind of face he was making, but Naruto began waving his hands frantically. "I'm sure you can just learn stuff normally! I mean, it's super-hard for me to just learn—I must use this ability, but you guys sort of got wrapped into the weirdness. You should be fine with normal training. I don't think I even can learn special techniques without spending points."

Sasuke didn't buy that excuse completely: learning anything by simply spending Naruto bullshit points was ridiculous. He decided on the path: the chances of him ever sneaking up on his brother were slightly below zero, and the thought of a Genjutsu battle with Itachi was both laughable and terrifying. He needed speed, he needed power, and he needed Ninjutsu.

There was a shaded skill branch hidden among the lattice. It was called Sword Sorcerer, and it had about thirty skills in it, each one having several levels. Sasuke picked the two basic ones: Melee Weapon Seals and Ninjutsu Weapon Channeling, costing him two skill points each. He pressed the yes button.

A feeling of warmth washed over his body and a triumphant ditty played in the background. So weird. Something unlocked in his mind, and a message popped up in hideous orange cursive.

 _Fabulous Bastard multiclass complete. Sword Sorcerer class acquired._

 _Who needs the shield when you have the sword? Cut people into premium steak with your blade and flambé them with your other hand. Weave sword techniques with elemental attacks like never before!_

 _Basic abilities:_

 _Melee Weapon Seals. Tired of pausing your slicing and dicing to sheathe the sword and do Ninjutsu? Well, now you automatically gain a one-handed variant of any Ninjutsu you learn! You can make Seals with your off-hand and compensate by waving your sword. Caution: people without this ability won't be able to replicate it. Consider it a Bloodline (not that it can be transferred or passed to children). Meaning that if you run around showing this, the number of people who want to dissect you is only eclipsed by the number of women who will want your kids._

 _Not worse than the Sharingan though._

 _Ninjutsu Weapon Channeling. Each Ninjutsu has restrictions on where its effects will manifest. Most attacks appear in front of you and fly straight ahead, and some are more flexible than this. You can now shoot your Ninjutsu from a melee weapon in the direction of a melee attack._

 _Have fun!_

Kakashi joined them. Tazuna was snoring in his tent so loud that Sasuke could hear him from forty feet away.

Sakura asked, "I can't believe I'm asking this, but did you level up too, sensei?"

Kakashi smiled. "It says I need more experience. How did you three do?"

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto was weird, his abilities were weird, and he supposed that the only thing to do was to imitate Kakashi and take it all in stride. He said, "Dweeb, I hate to say this, but your power is amazing. I picked abilities from the Sword Sorcerer class, and it is like a second Bloodline in addition to my Sharingan. And it says I can pick a third one in ten levels. Sakura, how did you do?"

She went red and stared at the ground before looking up and glaring at Naruto. She said, "What the hell, Naruto? Tsundere Mascot? Seriously?"

Naruto blinked a couple times like a frog faced with differential calculus. What Sasuke had understood at once took a while to click in the dweeb's head, but when it did, he waved his hands wildly, "I don't pick the names! It's the ability: it has a shitty sense of humor."

"Right," said Sasuke. "It's not a separate being inside you, is it? I think you have everything to do with me being a Glorious Bastard—it sounds exactly like something you would say." And he didn't say it, but Tsundere Mascot was how he himself sometimes thought of Sakura. Sasuke continued, "And we need a name for you weird-ass power at least when we talk among ourselves. We can't keep calling it _ability_."

Sakura grinned. "I have a couple ideas. Unfair Advantage? Veil of Bullshit? Ehm . . ." She snapped her fingers. "Got it! Permanent Jutsu!"

Naruto said, "Sakura-chan, that last one is lame."

She pouted, and it made her look six years old. "Because all powers need to be activated? Like, even Byakugan and Sharingan? They give a bit of a passive benefit, but users need to channel Chakra into their eyes to get the full benefits. Your stuff is just on."

Naruto shrugged, "I don't see what's so special about that. Bastard, Sakura-chan, what did you pick?"

Sasuke said, "It's called Sword Sorcerer. I should now be able to use all Jutsu one-handed, and I can channel Ninjutsu through my weapon."

He saw Kakashi frown. Saskura said, "I picked Condition Monk." Seeing their stares, she added. "I should be able to make people stronger or weaken them by, well, punching. Naruto, what do you specialize in?"

"I don't need to pick class or whatever—I can just buy any abilities I unlock. I've been training with Ayame-chan to get Ramen Master— Why are you looking at me like that? It will make my Ramen as nutritious as a full three-course meal! It's amazing, right? Anyway, I mostly pick abilities that let me overload my Ninjutsu."

Sasuke had thought about grabbing those, but he didn't have the Chakra yet to use them effectively. In his skill tree the class was named City Killer.

"Sensei." He felt bad asking the question for some reason, but it had to be asked. "Are we sure we want to continue the mission? I know we decided that when we questioned him after the fight—"

Naruto said, "We can't just let Wave Country die!"

Sasuke scowled at the idiot. "Yes, dweeb, we can. Our village has a reputation. What happens when people discover that you don't need to pay as long as you have a sob story?"

Sakura nodded, although she did grimace as if she was chewing something bitter. Kakashi said, "Sasuke-kun is right, Naruto. This kind of charity is unacceptable for a ninja village. Don't worry, I've renegotiated the terms with Tazuna-san. Wave will pay us the proper fee plus interest within two years. By the way, welcome to your first B-rank."

Naruto pumped his fist into the air, and Sasuke had to admit that he was also quite happy. He had thought he'd need another year of training at least before he could move beyond C-Ranks. If he proved himself competent in this fight, then he could progress so much faster and leave Naruto and Sakura in the dust.

No.

He glanced at Naruto and Sakura. He needed the dweeb's stupid ability, so he would need to carry their team. He might even need to spend some time training them and bringing them up in exchange for some of his own progress. The thought made him cringe.

They established a watch rotation, and went to rest.

###

Next day started out uneventful, but Sasuke was on full alert now. A head of a criminal syndicate was after their client, and Gato had more people in his employ without a doubt. Sasuke would have felt better if two dozen mercenaries attacked them right now, but the forest road was quiet. Songbirds trilled in the branches around them, and water splashed somewhere ahead. This was too tranquil.

Something twitched in the bushes next to the road. Without blinking, Naruto drew eight kunai out of the pouches on his hips and flicked them in a circle. They plunged into the bush and hit the tree behind it. Sasuke flexed his fingers to get the blood going and drew a kunai. Sakura tip-toed to the tree and brushed away the shrub. There was an unconscious rabbit on the ground, surrounded by eight kunai. Sakura began gathering the knives.

"Really, Naruto," she said. "It's just a cute little rabbit." She signed _danger_ behind her back.

It took him a moment to notice what alerted her. First, a wild rabbit wouldn't come near the road with how much noise Tazuna was making. Second, it was white. In summer.

He moved closer to Tazuna as did Naruto. Sakura backed off and guarded their back. Kakashi snapped his book shut and placed it carefully inside a pocket. Their group stopped, and Sasuke noticed the air getting heavier. Next to him, Tazuna was quivering like a wet, cold kitten. How useless. Sasuke thought he saw something out of the corner of his eyes in the trees.

"Sasuke, Naruto," said Kakashi. "Would you be so kind as to smoke out our guest." He continued louder, "Unless you want to come out right now?" He waited. "Suit yourself."

They had practiced this, so both turned toward the forest. Sasuke pointed his Kunai forward, and Naruto raised an eyebrow but didn't stop going through Seals.

Sasuke said, _"Fire Breath."_

Naruto said, _"Wind Gust Overload."_

A two-foot-wide stream of fire heat Naruto's ten-foot-wide tornado and a thousand embers of fire hit the forest ahead of them in a high-speed rain that burned through everything it touched.

When Kakashi had first examined them for elemental aptitudes, both Sasuke and Naruto had been much weaker. Sakura had called the technique Fire Petals, and Sasuke had humored her. Now it was more like Flame Arrow Storm.

He held his left hand open, fingers spread wide, and pointed a kunai with his right. A torrent of fire kept pouring out of the tip of the blade. Combined with Naruto's technique, it became a coiling funnel of orange and red, the winds fanning the flame to a white color. Pellets of flame punched through leaves and seared tree trunks.

There was a hiss of steam. They held the technique for five more seconds and stopped.

A soaked man stood among half-burned trees. Everything on him and around him was dripping water, including his clothes, the bandages on his face, and an enormous sword he hefted over his right shoulder. Steam rose around him, its tendrils obscuring view.

"Holy shit," said Tazuna.

The man swung his meat cleaver of a blade through the air, and a pound of water scattered off it. He said, "Fuck. What do you feed your Genin in Konoha, raw Chakra Beast meat?" The man took a step forward without making any sound. "But you are winded now, brats. Shouldn't have put that much power behind a revealing technique. Not that you will have the time to learn from this lesson."

Something was familiar about his face, but Sasuke couldn't place it. There was a movement of air behind him, and he sensed Sakura get closer. She said, "This is Momochi Zabuza. Demon of the Mists and one of the Swordsmen of Kiri. A-level. He is famous for assassination techniques."

Sasuke nodded without looking at her, but before he could finish the nod, Sakura said, "I'm sorry Sasuke-kun." She punched him in the back. He took a surprised half-step forward but caught himself.

Zabuza said, "What the hell? You want to work for me, girl? I'm afraid all the spots are taken."

Energy swirled across Sasuke's skin and to his kunai. It gathered there, and a soft-blue glow surrounded the blade. Sakura punched Naruto, and Sasuke saw Naruto's body get enveloped by a faint cloak of Chakra.

Zabuza said, "Enough playing around, kiddos. Not that I like killing whelps, but at least adding the Copy Ninja to my list will let those village punks know what I'm all about."

He was still sixty feet away from their group, and there was little chance to stop him using a Jutsu. Naruto crouched and threw two kunai with pinpoint accuracy, but Zabuza had enough room to lean out of the way, his fingers still flashing through Seals.

Kakashi raised his headband above the left eye and stepped in front of them. "Get ready," he said.

Zabuza's hands stopped in a Horse Seal, and the air got colder. A gentle wind rose, bringing with it first wisps of fog, then a rolling cloud, then a milky blanket that reduced visibility to a foot.

"Everyone, backs to the client," said Kakashi. "I will deal with this."

"Heh," Zabuza's chuckle seemed to come from all directions. "This is my original technique, you imposter. Stealing from others and making a name off their work. Pathetic."

Kakashi's fingers sped through a series of Seals in half a second. "Fireball." He spat out a tiny globe of fire that went in a random direction. "Hm. Only disperses the fog for a moment."

Sasuke's eyes caught it too: as soon as fire left the space, fog immediately closed behind it. Within ten feet, the fireball was like a distant candlelight, and then it was gone. If they wanted to disperse that mist, they would need to heat up all the air around them and keep it warm. Wasting all that chakra on that while fighting an A-level Missing Ninja was stupid.

A shape appeared out of the mist and a blade went for Sasuke's neck. With it came a wave of fear, and he saw himself chopped into a hundred pieces. Sasuke gritted his teeth and let his memory drift to the night of the Massacre. He had survived that, so there was no chance that this two-bit mercenary was going to kill him. Killing intent retreated, leaving a slight quiver in his limbs.

He crouched, his stance going wider and lower. The blade whooshed through the air above him, shaving a few hairs off. Without thinking, Sasuke made a Seal with his left hand and thrust with his right, his reach ending half a foot short from Zabuza. He could see the laughter in the man's eyes, but then the blade lit up with flame and a drill of fire extended a foot out of the tip. With a screech, it burrowed into Zabuza's stomach, and he collapsed into a puddle of water.

"Water Clones," said Kakashi. "Don't get used to them. They are weaker than the original."

The sound of steps came from the mist, but it came from twenty directions at once. Sasuke was tempted to close his eyes and try to determine the true source, but he knew better. He looked at his right hand, slightly trembling, knuckles now white around the handle. Hush, he thought, I'm better than this.

He saw Kakashi sniff the air and look warily around, but other than that, their sensei didn't move.

"We need air," said Naruto. "If we have air without fog, I can probably overload my wind gust enough to blow all this crap away."

Kakashi nodded slowly. He said, "Let's shuffle slowly to the left." Sasuke saw the red of the Sharingan now, three tomoe around Kakashi's left pupil, blood vessels popping in the sclera.

Something shifted in the direction they were going, and Naruto threw four shuriken. There was a blunted clang of metal against metal and then silence. "Stop," said Kakashi. "He can prepare for us. It's too dangerous."

A sword came at Kakashi this time, the attack having enough reach to slice Tazuna in half too. Naruto grabbed their client by the collar and pulled him back, while their sensei slid forward across the still-wet grass, jumped, flipped over Zabuza and threw two shuriken at his unprotected back. This Zabuza too melted into water. Just as Kakashi was about to land, a blade came from the darkness and tore halfway into his body. Kakashi, face deformed in pain, slammed a lightning-infused palm into the blade. Electricity ran up the blade, and struck Zabuza, and then Kakashi too dropped into a puddle of water.

All of this happened so fast that Sasuke didn't have any time to process it or feel anything about it. The two A-Rank ninjas moved with such speed that even his eyes had to struggle to keep up. As electricity shocked Zabuza, his technique failed, and the mist dissipated in seconds, revealing the battlefield. The true Kakashi was standing behind Zabuza, a knife at their enemy's throat.

A gargantuan water dragon sprung from a nearby lake, and Sasuke saw Kakashi's pupils widen. He heard blood pump in his ears, and his vision flickered. He shook his head and blinked.

 _"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. Wind Gust."_

A wall of Narutos appeared in front of them in a cloud of smoke and all raised a right hand to their mouths. Air screamed and tore, and a squall slammed into the water beast, knocking it off course and making it cut a swath through the forest with enough racket to make Sasuke's ears ring.

Something had happened during the distraction, and there was a boulder now near Zabuza instead of Kakashi who had a gash across his chest, blood slowly staining his jacket red. Kakashi had his right eye closed, and the sclera of his left eye was red from blood vessels that had popped. A bit of crimson was pooling in the corners of Kakashi's eye, and a single bloody tear began to trickle from the outer corner. He was breathing heavily.

Zabuza stood thirty feet away from them, leaning on his sword. Sasuke glanced at his team: Sakura looked okay, but Tazuna had hankered down with hands over his face, and Naruto swayed on his feet, looking disoriented. This didn't look good.

Zabuza slowly breathed in and out, his breath still visible in the remains of his Hidden Mist technique. Kakashi kept staring at him, blood trickling down his chest and face. Zabuza started making hand seals, but there was something wrong with them. It looked like Kakashi was going through the same ones, but a little different.

"It's useless," said Kakashi. "I know what Jutsu you will use even before you use it."

"Bull," said Zabuza. _"Water Release. Great Water Dragon."_

As he finished the technique, a stream of water rose from the lake behind him, rose five feet, and limply fell to the ground. Kakashi smiled that weird smile of his, now bloody and even creepier. He said, _"Water Release. Great Water Dragon."_

A beast rose out of the lake, at least sixty feet of swirling currents in lengths. It roared with the sound of a raging waterfall and slammed into Zabuza before he could react. The dragon had him in its teeth, and it tore at his body and then slammed him into the trunk of a tree one, two, three times. By the time it dissipated, Zabuza was still standing more out of defiance than because he was still conscious. All his body was covered in bruises that were turning to black, and one eye was swollen and shut. He tried to say something but only a pathetic groan came out.

Thunk.

Four streaks of metal flew out of one of the remaining trees. Two hit Zabuza in the neck and two hit him in the chest. Zabuza's body spasmed and he fell to the ground. A shadow swept down from a tree, and Sasuke recognized the mask of one of the Hunter Ninjas from Mist. The Hunter bowed to them, his back parallel to the ground.

"Thank you for helping bring the rogue swordsman to justice, Kakashi-sama. I have been tailing him for a while but wasn't sure I could take him alone. When you go back to your village, sixty percent of his bounty in the Bingo Book will be waiting for you. I will now dispose of the body."

"Wait," said Sasuke. "Something is wrong here."

But the ninja had already picked up Zabuza and sped away. Naruto looked like he needed a breather, and Kakashi had replaced the headband over his eye and sat on the ground. Sakura rushed to him, pulled bandages and disinfectant out of one of her pouches and began to dress his wounds.

Sasuke asked, "Why didn't he just dispose of the body right here? Or seal it in a scroll?"

Kakashi waved him away weakly. "There is nothing we can do about it now, Sasuke-kun. We aren't in a condition to pursue."

Well, Sasuke was. But that ninja was fast, even while carrying Zabuza. Probably faster than Sasuke. He grit his teeth and turned to Tazuna, ready to pick up his bulky ass up. They needed to get away from here and rest.

The world shuddered and blue flickered all around him.

 _Survived a fight with Zabuza Momochi. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up._

Dumbfounded, Sasuke looked at a whooping sixteen points for abilities he had got for half an hour of fighting. Sakura had a similar expression, and even Naruto looked stupefied, which said how much the dweeb knew about his own technique. Really, couldn't that power have picked Sasuke? It would have been so much easier . . . He kicked himself. This wasn't a gift horse, it was a gift mansion and a team of ten Jounin to do his bidding. It was awesome and Sasuke wouldn't get upset. Even if the dweeb was nowhere near worthy of such a power.

He saw Kakashi wiggle his fingers in the air and say, "Huh." Kakashi glanced at the still unconscious Tazuna. "Apparently I have a flaw 'Incompatible Sharingan'. Fascinating." He turned to his students. "Anyway, I'm about to pass out from overusing my eye on that mist. See ya."

Kakashi closed his eyes, fell into the grass, and curled into a ball. Sasuke looked from him to Tazuna and facepalmed. He would need to look through his skill point spending options later. He gestured Naruto to Tazuna, and he and Sakura went to Kakashi. They needed to get out of here before any more A-Rank Missing Ninjas showed up.

###

Several hours later at an undisclosed location.

Zabuza opened his eyes, and discovered that even moving his eyelids hurt. All his muscles were locked down in a perpetual spasm that made him grit his teeth from agony.

"Don't move, Master." A piece of wet cloth came into view and dabbed at his forehead. "I am sorry for having had to use that technique. Once you are out of danger, I will leave to get the herbs to speed up your recovery."

With effort, Zabuza unlocked his jaws and spoke. His voice sounded like he had just smoked a Konoha tree in one drag. "Go now. I need to crush that Kakashi and those brats of his." He tried to sit up, and his spine turned into a mental steel rod, so he barely contained a yelp. "Your technique is shit, Haku. What's the point of faking death, if a drunk Genin can kill me right now?"

Haku was looking at the ground. "I'm sorry, Master."

Zabuza gave up his attempts to move. "God damn it. Fine. How long will this take?"

"A week before you can defend yourself, and then another week with the herbs for a full recovery."

Zabuza groaned. He wanted to go out there, to eviscerate those brats in front of Kakashi. See how righteous he would feel after realizing it was him that led them to their deaths. Killing the Copy Ninja afterwards would be a piece of cake. Or maybe Kakashi would go stone cold and get even more dangerous. That bastard had quite a reputation—almost as bad as Zabuza himself.

"What the—"

There was a blue envelope blinking in the lower right corner of his vision. As he stared at it, it opened and expanded, and a message appeared.

 _Level up._

###

There was an ability called Iron Back that did nothing except let him carry additional two hundred pounds without being encumbered, and Sasuke was tempted to take it. Kakashi could still run, but Sakura had read in some damn book that exercising after suffering chakra exhaustion could cause permanent danger to his abilities, so they carried him in turn. And Tazuna, of course, was a useless lump of civilian flesh with all the speed of a drunk turtle. Sakura wasn't strong enough to run at full speed with either passenger on her back, so it was up to the boys, and Naruto teammate didn't even sweat after carrying the builder for hours.

Somehow, they didn't get ambushed. Sasuke had expected the crime lord to do better, but apparently Momochi Zabuza was the last ninja to try to kill them for a short while. After half a day of Tazuna being unconscious half the time and swearing non-stop the other half, Sasuke was just about ready to murder their client and be done with the mission. At that point, they reached water.

At least, the boat gave him an opportunity to massage his sore muscles and straighten his back. He would feel this trip for days. Sakura moved to help him, and it took a glare and a growl for her to back off. He huddled up at the head of the boat and let Naruto row.

He was roused from his nap by Kakashi's voice. "No, Sakura-chan, I don't think Sasuke-kun is cold. He looks fine to me."

Sasuke's eyes snapped open. Thankfully, Sakura wasn't in his face. Kakashi looked a bit better, but still pale.

His mood had slightly improved after the nap, but they had run through the night, and now it was early morning. Even a shinobi needed rest, and his sleep cycle was screwed up. Maybe this was why when they got to Tazuna's house, he wasn't at all prepared for a pipsqueak in a weird hat to block his path and say, "You will all die."

Sasuke looked him over. He was a scrawny kid in clean little shorts and a neat little hat. The kind of child that people don't bother killing during massacres, because why bother?

Kakashi was on Sasuke's back, so his arms were occupied. He felt a growl build in his throat. This was such bullshit, and he had no patience for brats right now. He smiled and felt skin pull almost to his cheekbones. "Stay where you are, and you will die way before any of us do. Just let me put my teacher down."

He squatted to let Kakashi down at the door, and by the time he looked up, the boy was nowhere to be seen, and he was faced with Naruto and Sakura, the first looking furious and the second looking worried.

"What?" he asked. "I know you two were thinking it too."

"That was my grandson Inari," said Tazuna.

"And he isn't in the contract. The contract has us protecting you and your workers so that you can complete the bridge. So keep him away from me."

Naruto blinked at him a couple times and said, "You know, I think I'll take the first watch."

Sakura nodded frantically. "I'll take the second."

The house was larger than the family that lived in it needed. There was Tazuna, the brat's name was Inari, and his mother's name was Tsunami. She was beautiful and sensible and kind, so he had no idea how Tazuna had managed to raise her, and how she had managed to screw up raising her son. Sure, the kid had apparently lost his father a while back, but that wasn't an excuse. Then again, his own mother had been wonderful, and he was pretty screwed up, so he supposed raising kids just failed sometimes.

Sasuke wasn't an idiot: he recognized that by taking watch, Naruto and Sakura were giving him time to rest, and it made him furious. If he needed to be coddled by twelve-year-olds, he would never become powerful enough (never mind that all of them were the same age). Still, he was exhausted and cranky, so he shut up and let Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi take care of the conversation. At some point, the brat yelled at them and ran out the door. Something about struggling being useless.

Sasuke couldn't tolerate it anymore. "Prat. His mother and grandfather are alive, so I have no idea what he is complaining about. Me and Naruto will never see our parents, and you don't see us bitching about it." He rose from the table. "Thank you for the food."

Sasuke went outside. The air smelled of water, and even in the early afternoon dregs of mist floated across the recesses in the ground. He breathed. It was difficult to believe that such a peaceful country was ruled by a criminal overlord.

Out of his peripheral vision, Sasuke saw Kakashi walk up to him. He stopped to his left, the book nowhere in view, hands in pockets. Kakashi tried to look nonchalant, but Sakura had explained to Sasuke what consequences overexerting Chakra coils usually had, so Sasuke knew that their team leader was still hurting.

"You know," said Kakashi. "I'm not the one to say anything, seeing as I'm also Head of Clan, sort of, but you might want to learn to channel your frustration if you want to be a leader one day. Just a thought, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke said, "Well, I'm out here and not searching for the brat or bashing his head in, so I think I'm doing well. How are you, sensei?"

Kakashi waved his concern away. "I'm fine. I admit that I had gotten a bit rusty, what with the peace, and all those D-Ranks. Guy's challenges helped, but I didn't practice my Sharingan enough, it seems." He pouted. "You know, you Uchihas have it easy: you can just run around forever with these eyes on."

"The way I see it," said Sasuke, "is it's a miracle that the family even let you keep that eye. And that you can use it at all."

Kakashi chuckled. "Oh, Sasuke-kun, you are so funny. Like your family had a choice in the matter. Your sensei is quite amazing, you know. The Hokage told them that if they tried anything, I wouldn't be punished for murdering any Uchihas that come at me, and that was it."

He was doing that weird eye-smile of his, and Sasuke frowned. There was a story here: surely the Uchihas could have sent Itachi at some point, or ambushed Kakashi with numbers . . . the Sharingan was the family secret and the advantage that the Clan had over everybody else in the village, so it was weird for them to just give it up. And then there was the question of from whom exactly Kakashi had gotten his eye. He had said that it was something for Sasuke 'to look forward to learning', but that was such bullshit. Sasuke was the head of the Uchiha Clan! Kakashi's eye, in a way, was his property. He wasn't insane enough to tell this to Kakashi though.

###

They met up outside the house at three in the morning while Tazuna, Tsunami, and Inari were asleep. Naruto was yawning and rubbing his eyes, and Sakura's hair looked like a drunk porcupine. Kakashi looked perfectly refreshed, but he leaned against a wall instead of standing.

"So," said Kakashi. "We are all awake. It's time for us to create a training schedule."

Naruto frowned. "That sounds awesome, but aren't we supposed to guard the old man all the time?"

Kakashi nodded. "Sure. But there are two problems. One is that our client tried to swindle us and, honestly, I wouldn't care about him if he didn't have a decent family and country depending on him. It would be a shame for Tsunami to lose the only adult male in the family in the middle of a bandit-infested land." His face grew darker. "That never ends well. So we'll be keeping them safe by leaving your clones and my dogs all the time and not wandering far. If we, however, decide to hang around the client all the time, it's likely that we'll get both him and ourselves killed."

Sasuke felt the remnants of sleep fleeing him. He nodded. "Zabuza."

Kakashi grimaced. "It's not definite. I still have tricks he hasn't seen, but yes, chances are that Zabuza is alive. After that Water Dragon I threw at him, he will need a week at least, before he fully, and we need to use that time to train. Fact is, despite that monstrous blade, Zabuza is an assassination specialist, and I have you three and a client to protect, while he doesn't. He can kill all of us after getting an idea of what the Sharingan can do." Kakashi shook his head. "Let this be a lesson to you, kids. You should defeat your enemies without revealing your special abilities, and if that happens, you fight somewhere isolated and clean up after. The less people see what you can do, the more your techniques remain legends. But that's beside the point." He looked the three of them over, and Sasuke felt very much the Genin he was. "We also need to figure out for ourselves what exactly we can do with your powers, Naruto, and then I need to train too. I've spent way too much time in the village. Starting tomorrow, we'll start doing twelve-hour training sets which we'll cut back on after five days. The more time passes, the larger the chance that we'll be attacked by Zabuza again, so we need to be in decent shape."

Sakura asked, "And if Gato hires someone else to go after us?"

Kakashi shook his head. "Then we are screwed, Sakura-chan. But do not worry, my cute subordinates, Gato is rumored to be one stingy bastard. He shouldn't hire anyone else while Zabuza is still alive."

 **A Note**

A lot of people in the reviews seem to think that Zabuza now has Naruto's powers, along with Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke. They don't. They can't get more experience by themselves, and they can't do skills or time skips—only Naruto can. Telling you exactly how gamer elements work would be a spoiler, but it's all focused on Naruto.

 **End of Chapter Notes**

Happy 2018! I wish us all a year full of new stories to read and live.

This past year I finished _Eye of the Sword_ , and started three ongoing fics. I've also finished my first original novel and did a ton of stuff professionally and personally. But I was miserable for most of 2017, and while some of that was just how my head works, I still have some advice for everyone for the upcoming year.

Take care of yourselves and don't worry about the big picture.

Ambitions don't need to slowly kill you despite what some people think, and the big picture . . . the big picture isn't something to tether your sense of self-worth to. Politics, environment, equality—if you can do something to improve the world by improving any of those, it's great. But this stuff will never get to a state where you'll be happy with it—it's simply too big.

A bit of a self-plug. I've written a sci-fi novel named _Beware of Light_. In the distant future, humanity finds itself alone and stagnant among the stars, but one planet is fed up with the status quo. Kyle Heatsworth seeks out allies and rebels against the tyranny of the immortal nobles that keep everyone placid with entertainment. We follow him and people on both sides of the conflict as Terra Nox descends into civil war.

I enjoyed writing it. If you like dystopias, giant robots, politics, and character development in your books, then you might like it too. It would be great if you checked it out, because getting those first readers is an absolute nightmare for a new author. And my betas and a couple of folks who read it tell me it's good, so I'm comfortable with plugging it. The link is up on my profile page (or you can just search for _Beware of Light_ on Amazon). If you do end up reading it, drop me a PM: I'll be happy to hear what you think.

I've also recently started and almost finished a new fic set in the Supergirl universe— _Dark Colors of Magic_. I had some writer's block for _The Broken Creed_ , and I dealt with it by taking Earth 38 and throwing questionably moral magic users into it. If you think it sounds fun, then check it out.

Anyway, I'll get back to writing. See you later, everyone.

If you liked this chapter, consider leaving a review or pressing a favorite button. I get messages when people leave feedback, and each one makes me want to write more.

Stay shiny.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Notes

Hello, everyone. A lot of RL stuff has happened since the last update, but I'm alive and healthy. Detailed notes and stuff at the end of the chapter.

Let's have some fun in the Wave Country.

 **Chapter 7**

Kakashi woke up hours before dawn. His sleep had been filled with images of his Sensei and Obito and Rin, layered over himself and Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura. He was lying on his back, all his muscles tense. He clenched and unclenched his fists, letting himself relax a bit with every movement and with every breath.

He had taken students to ease himself back into a Jounin's job after quitting Anbu, and the very first mission went belly up.

He should have stayed in Anbu.

He saw the moon in his window, and soft light sculpted black-and-white shapes all around him. Nothing was moving, and the house was silent, but he could hear somebody stomping outside. Kakashi tensed for a moment and directed Chakra to his ears before relaxing.

Naruto.

By now the nightmares had retreated, and his heart was beating reassuringly, but he could still feel the anxiety lurking just outside his consciousness, poking him with sharp pangs of guilt, waiting to be let in. What had he been thinking? His team wasn't ready for what was now a B-rank or an A-rank mission. He should have trained them more before taking the last Uchiha and the village Jinchuuruki out of Konoha. Now they were out here, exposed and inexperienced, and he was supposed to protect them? He was good, but he was just one man. Truth be told, he wasn't even that good anymore.

He thought, shut it, self. You got rusty, so what? Boo-hoo. Get a grip and start training or everyone will die when Zabuza comes properly prepared.

Usually, when he felt the guilt lean over him and threaten to crush him with its weight, he would go to the Memorial for a self-torture session. By paying respects and talking to his teammates, he hoped he could earn their forgiveness for outliving them. Though it never worked completely, it made him function, which was the point. Ninjas were the tools of the village, and a ninja too overwhelmed by his feelings to work was useless. Kakashi felt he was thinking in circles—he needed a distraction.

He had been too tired to change yesterday, so his Jounin's uniform smelled of old sweat after travelling and sleeping in it for a week. Kakashi took out all his weaponry out of the pouches, stripped, unfurled a Sealing scroll and pressed his palm on it. There was a puff of smoke, and another set of armored clothes appeared. He dressed, sealed the dirty uniform into the scroll, put the scroll into one of the inner pockets of the Jounin vest, and headed outside. He stopped by the room where the kids were staying and confirmed that Sakura and Sasuke were still sleeping. He saw Sasuke sleeping on the floor in a corner, a length of ninja wire drawn taut between him and the rest of the room. He wouldn't have noticed it at all if moonlight hadn't glinted off a tiny bell, affixed to the string. It was a basic alarm system, but still effective especially on ninjas who relied too much on Chakra.

Sakura slept on one of the two guest beds in the room. She lay on the stomach, her arms spread wide, and it looked like she had rotated during the night, so that her legs now hung off the edge. Kakashi shook his head. She had slept perfectly quietly in the tent, but he guessed that the more relaxed atmosphere of a family home had made her let her guard down. He'd need to break her out of the habit.

He closed the tiny gap he had made to look into the room, making sure the door didn't make a sound.

Everybody else was asleep too, which was fine. He had Pakkun and another one of his dogs patrolling around the house, and he had set up some basic Seals to alert them if anybody attacked, but, honestly, he didn't expect an attack just yet.

Naruto was in front of the house, fifty feet away. He had found a wooden log somewhere and was standing in front of it. The boy made a three Seals. "Wind Bullet," he said. The air whined and buzzed, and wooden shavings flew out of the log. Naruto frowned, repeated the sequence, and fired again. And again and again and again.

"What are you doing, Naruto?" asked Kakashi.

"Gah!" Naruto turned with his technique half-complete and fired it off. Kakashi tilted his head to the side to avoid blunt-force brain trauma. "Sensei, what are you doing here?"

"Na-ah." Kakashi smiled. "I asked first."

Naruto scratched the back of his head and looked away. "We aren't on the road anymore, so I'm grinding skills." He puffed up. "That Zabuza dude was scary—gotta prepare. Even the fuzz ball says so, and he hates grinding."

"You call the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox a fuzz ball."

Naruto crossed his arms and nodded. "He gets to call me names, so I get to call him names."

Kakashi hadn't spoken to Naruto much about his . . . situation since he got briefed on it. It was still difficult for him to imagine the Kyuubi being something more than a murderous chakra monster tearing through Konoha. What Naruto was describing was more of an annoying pest than a destructive force of nature, and Kakashi wondered just how much Tailed Beasts took on from their hosts. Maybe Naruto's goofy personality was rubbing off on the Fox? He naturally rebelled against the idea, but the evidence was there.

"Hey, sensei? Why did you come out here?"

"Heard you training."

Naruto shuffled a bit on the spot before saying, "You need any help with the leveling-up thing? I can probably give you some advice. The Fox was using a bot to grind ingredients for some legendary armored bikini—don't ask—so he had time to tell me what happened. Thought you'd want to know, being our sensei and all."

Kakashi noticed how unsure and polite Naruto was behaving, and he didn't like it. It was probably more bad news—as if this mission hadn't brought enough of those. He sighed. "Go ahead, Naruto."

"Well, Tailed Beasts are supposed to be these raging masses of energy, even while sealed inside people, right? But the fuzz ball really isn't like that: he games all the freaking time, chases stupid achievements, and does speed-runs—he's such a nerd it's disgusting. I know he killed a lot of people, but . . . something must have happened. He doesn't talk about it though." Naruto walked back to the porch with him and sat down. The air was crisp enough to chill thoughts. "Anyway, this Seal that the Perverted Hermit put on top of the old one, it works as some sort of trans-dimensional template thingie—didn't quite get it." Naruto's eyes darted to the side and he winced. "Screw you and your message windows, you damn fox. You suck! Sorry, sensei. What I mean to say is that this power is supposed to grow, until it houses all the Chakra that the fox had. So it's why you and the guys levelled up: it's trying to affect the world more. I'm supposed to be able to use it actively too, but I don't know how to do it yet."

Somehow, Kakashi managed to keep his calm despite the implications. "What you are saying is that the technique will grow around the idea that life is a game."

"Yep. The rules change all the time, but it's going to get weirder—just warning you."

Kakashi wiped his brow and opened his perk window. "Damn it, Naruto. You can't tell any of this to anyone except Sasuke and Sakura, and I'll have a talk with them about keeping their mouths zipped." He scrolled through the perk options available to him. "I'm one of the strongest ninjas in Konoha, but I've never been able to use this eye properly, and I run out of Chakra for my Ninjutsu all the time. With your ability, I can now press a button and get to use my Sharingan twice as long. Or there is this Chakra Battery ability which, supposedly, will let me spend less Chakra on Jutsu and recharge it faster. I press a button here, and I'm up half a rank in all the Bingo Books. Do you have any idea what people will be willing to do to get their hands on you?"

The moonlight gave very little visibility, but this close Kakashi could still see Naruto pale. He ruffled the boy's hair. "Don't worry too much, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei will protect you. Just don't go advertising to our enemies." He saw that Naruto looked sheepish. "What is it?"

"Ehm, sensei? The Fox says that enemies are affected by my abilities too as long as they are close enough during a fight or some sort of challenge."

"Then Zabuza . . . Damn it."

###

By the time morning rolled in, it became obvious to Kakashi that if he were a game character, he would be crap. For an Elite Jounin, he had below-average Chakra reserves, and yet he had spent most of his life collecting techniques. He had other skills, sure, but they weren't his specialty—Ninjutsu was. As a kid, he could have picked Genjutsu or Kenjutsu or Taijutsu or whatever, but no, he had to pick something that required a massive fuel tank that he simply didn't possess. It hadn't helped that the Fourth had been the most encouraging sensei that had ever walked the Elemental Nations.

Now that he had a stat screen, courtesy of Naruto's weirdness, he could calculate exactly how many Ninjutsu he could fire in quick succession, and the results weren't good.

On the other hand, with Naruto around, he had ways to fix it.

There were two paths that would let him use more Ninjutsu before he collapsed from Chakra exhaustion. One was Wild Chakra Battery: it would let him store a lot more Chakra, but he would be able to use it in only barely controlled bursts, which he didn't particularly like. The other was Reaping—a style that was all about draining Chakra from his opponents and the environment. It was suitable only for ninjas who felt comfortable in melee, and he definitely was. It came with warnings of possible addiction and overloading the Coils. A monstrous Kinjutsu was exactly what Kakashi needed if he hoped to be able to protect his team from Zabuza and whatever dangers came next, so he picked that path.

The first technique he learned was Blood Mist and he was eager to try it out.

He and his three students gathered in front of the house after having eggs and ham for breakfast courtesy of Tsunami. Sakura yawned, and Sasuke was looking into the distance.

"I can tell you could have used more rest," he said and clapped his hands. "Well, too bad for you! In a week, two weeks tops, we'll get attacked again. Wave has crap couriers, and my dogs won't last long enough to get all the way to Konoha, so calling for reinforcements isn't an option. What we'll do is train until you get so powerful that Zabuza and his little pet will no longer be a problem. Any questions?"

Sakura asked, "Sensei, are you all right? You were pretty banged up yesterday."

Kakashi smiled and shook his head. "That's kind of you to say, Sakura-chan, but little girls shouldn't worry about their amazing teachers." She looked chastened but kept staring at him. He sighed. "How persistent. I'm all right. It would have been much worse had I used more Chakra though. No matter. Courtesy of our friendly game-changing ninja Naruto—" he pointed at the kid, "This shouldn't happen again. I've got magic powers now." He wiggled his fingers.

Naruto and Sakura burst out laughing, and even Sasuke looked amused at Kakashi's antics. At least Kakashi thought he saw a lip corner twitch.

Kakashi said, "Good. You'll need that humor when I work you into the ground." He looked around and pointed toward the nearby forest. "Let's go about two hundred feet that way."

Sasuke grimaced. "Can't believe I'm asking this, but what about the civilian idiots we are supposed to guard?"

"Tazuna-san is still sleeping off yesterday's sake, and I'm leaving Pakkun and a couple of his buddies to look after the house. Naruto, throw half a dozen clones there too, would you? Now let's go."

They started walking. Naruto was pouting and Sasuke was frowning. He asked, "Sensei, can we get our own Summoning Contracts? Your ninja dogs seem useful."

Kakashi sighed. "You should appreciate your amazing sensei more, my minions. Summoning Contracts are only for the most amazing, brilliant of ninja. You are still Genin, so any of the ninja animals would just laugh in your faces if you tried to sign on with them. Live a little. You are ninja, but you are also kids. Besides." He switched to a more serious tone. "We'll likely have our hands full with Naruto's Jutsu. First order of business is figuring out what each of us can do now, and how we can best train these abilities. If I had my way, my cute little apprentices, you would spend at least a year building up your teamwork and relying on your elders for this kind of crap. Alas, the world is not that kind." Kakashi hung his head, but he smirked when he saw Naruto roll his eyes. "As your freedom and survival are at stake now, half of this training session will be a briefing." He sat cross-legged on the ground, propping his chin with his left fist. "Settle down, kids. Grandpa Kakashi is about to tell you a story."

Sasuke snorted. "I don't know what is more terrifying: you having grandchildren or living long enough to become even a bit responsible."

He sat down though, so Kakashi ignored the least respectful of his students. Sasuke was often gruff, but he was rarely malicious, and it was for these times that Kakashi reserved scolding for. Especially as he had known several Uchiha, and none of them had been humble and polite. Some, like Obito, were decidedly Naruto-like but still had that air that came with believing that the world was their oyster. Considering the way Sasuke's childhood had been cut off, the boy was coping with it well. Kakashi could take a little snark.

"Before the fight with Zabuza, I thought that Naruto's ability worked similar to a Sharingan with some adjustments. In many ways, Naruto, what you can do is just enhanced perception manifesting in weird ways. You can easily memorize skills after seeing them but need to fulfill requirements for their use. You can analyze the state the person is in, and even get an idea of their relationship with you and other people. That's powerful but not that far above all the other Clan techniques Konoha is hoarding. It made you one target of many." He looked at Naruto, waiting whether the boy would correct him. Naruto looked to the side, but he didn't say anything. Kakashi had hoped he was finally ready to talk about the Kyuubi to his teammates, but no such luck. He continued, "But what you have shown us now is something different entirely. Your ability to let people near you augment their abilities is something that any village would sacrifice a dozen Jounin for. Simply by putting you on a team for a mission or two, that team could go up a Ninja rank or at the very least become a lot more powerful. And that is the problem. Yes, Sakura?"

Sakura had raised her hand which she now lowered. "Kakashi-sensei, doesn't the Hokage know? Won't he protect Naruto?"

Kakashi shook his head. "Yes, the Hokage knows. You three, me, Hokage-sama, and Jiraya-sama. That is the list of people who know specifics and not just that Naruto is strange. The rest of the village is in the dark and for good reason too: many clans would give anything for this kind of power."

"Marriage proposals," Sasuke said.

"No, Sasuke-kun. Marriage is all good and dandy, except that Naruto isn't a valuable specialist—he is the ultimate training aid. So getting control of him is more important than producing heirs."

Naruto said, "I don't understand."

A grim shadow flew over Sasuke's face before disappearing. He said, "They would get you locked up, Naruto, and try to figure out how to extract your ability or make use of it in a non-lethal environment. They would use you to get more Jounin in the Clan."

Kakashi nodded. "Very good Sasuke-kun—one time when your pessimism was useful. Yes, I am almost positive this new information won't change how the Hokage views Naruto, and it certainly doesn't change anything for me, but we still need to change tactics. First, we kill or capture any enemies that see Naruto do anything sufficiently weird. We do not let people leave, because as bad as some parties in Konoha are, if Iwa finds out, for example, then we won't be able to go five feet outside the village gates without being attacked by a band of mercenaries. Kiri will probably try to kill you outright, and I don't know what the others will do." He raised a hand to ward off any questions. "And the second rule is that we don't babble. Only Naruto can talk about his abilities with somebody new, and he needs to get my permission to do it. From now on, our priority is to keep this under wraps until you lot become powerful enough."

Sasuke crossed his arms. "I did not become a ninja to become the dweeb's babysitter."

Naruto glared at him. "And I sure as hell don't need one! Especially you."

Kakashi groaned. "Why do you have to destroy my dreams every time I think you are finally getting cute? Or sensible, for that matter. And this is not a discussion or a democracy or whatever you think it is. Make no mistake: you really are my minions. And you will follow orders." He leaned toward them and flared a bit of Killing Intent to make his point clear and then relaxed his posture and smiled. "But don't get me wrong, Sasuke-kun, this isn't a favor we are doing for Naruto or even for the village. If we play this right, you can become the strongest team in Konoha in no time." He looked into the distance, his expression growing wistful. "And then I can beat Guy's smug ass, and maybe he'll stop pestering me." He looked his team over. "Sakura-chan, you are being awfully quiet."

"Kakashi, can we start training?" Sasuke asked.

Kakashi had thought that Uchihas didn't whine. He said, "Sasuke-kun, please. Team cohesiveness is important."

Sakura blushed, being put on the spot. She said, "I think Sasuke-kun is right, sensei. We should train. I don't want anyone to get hurt because we weren't prepared for Zabuza."

She said 'everyone', but her eyes were on Sasuke. Teenagers. "Okay." Kakashi clapped his hands. "Last fight showed us the holes in our tactics. If we had more time, I would give you team and chakra control exercises, but we don't, so we'll be working on plugging the biggest holes that the enemy can exploit, and we'll leave all the long-term stuff for later. At the same time, I want us to explore new abilities we got and figure out how to best use them in combat. Naruto."

"Yes?"

"The problem with your fighting is obvious. You have more Chakra than most Jounin do, and you have exactly zero techniques that let you burn through that Chakra quickly to deal a lot of damage. It's great that you weren't that tired by the end of the fight, but it won't do us any good if you get killed. Now, I know that your wind manipulation ability is still crap, but luckily for us you have so much energy that you can still use the stronger techniques for a while. I have time to teach you one technique during the coming week: not just through that power of yours but also normally. I'll show you in what situations to use it, what are the drawbacks—that sort of thing. At the same time, I'll be practicing my new Chakra drain ability on you—it's the only way I'll be able to maintain the techniques long enough to teach you. Because we are neck-deep in crap, I'm authorizing giving you a B-Rank technique. I can teach you to coat your hands in Wind Chakra to extend your range and give you the ability to slice through anything—Beast Tearing Palm or perhaps Heavenly Wind Palm to punch wind out of your hands. There is also an entire branch of wind techniques that let you create nearly invisible weapons. Swords, kunai, whatever."

"That sounds kind of cool."

"Yeah. But it requires a lot of chakra control and elemental manipulation practice, or you get a blob of whirlwind instead of a blade, so I don't think you are ready. Asuma would be better for that anyway."

Naruto was rolling on the balls of his feet. "Sensei, having claws made of wind sounds awesome!"

Sakura hit him on the back of his head. "Naruto, you idiot. You can barely create a decent gale, and that's just because you flood the air with Chakra and push. I bet if you make anything out of wind and hold it, it will fall apart or tear your hands into shreds."

Naruto pouted. "No, it won't. Just you see. Sensei, teach me the wind claw thingie! Oh, it appeared in the technique list. Now, let's check the requirements . . ."

Privately, Kakashi agreed with Sakura that it sounded like a terrible idea, but Naruto had a shortcut for learning techniques. From what he understood, if they managed to fulfill the requirements, he would be able to perform it without failing—it would just be weak.

"Sakura," he said, "From what you've said about your new abilities, you want to be a support who is also strong in close combat. I will teach you a Genjutsu that will make your form blur to whoever is dumb enough to look anywhere near your eyes. I don't often use it because it requires too much concentration to combine it with the stronger Ninjutsu attacks, but I think it will suit you perfectly." Sakura nodded, and he turned to Sasuke. "Sasuke, you don't need a technique right now. That ability to channel your Jutsu through your weapon is enough to give any ninja a very bad day. For three days, you will be working on dodging and counterattacking with a clone of mine. Then you'll be fighting against me or Sakura and Naruto. Because you can combine melee attacks with Ninjutsu, you should be able to hold off multiple enemies as long as you have Chakra. Okay, people, let's get to it."

###

Sakura hadn't been away from Konoha before, and she definitely hadn't been anywhere near this much water. While Naruto greeted everything surrounding them with his usual enthusiasm, and Sasuke-kun didn't care or at least looked like it, she felt uncomfortable. She had this sensation of something scuttling outside her vision, of shadows not being as still as they should, of Tsunami-san and Tazuna-san wearing expressions that were just a bit too sincere to be true.

After their morning training, Kakashi-sensei took them to the bridge where Tazuna-san and his builders worked. They were a haggard bunch, going on through sheer determination and little cheer. That changed quickly when Naruto got into his head that he needed to befriend the group and dazzled them with ninja strength and clones. Sasuke-kun had probably considered manual labor beneath him, not to mention that it wasn't included in their contract, but there was precious little to do near the bridge, so he also helped.

"Come on, Sakura-chan, you need to put some more meat on those bones!" said Naruto, running buy with a wooden beam on his right shoulder.

"Why, you—"

She stuck out her leg and tripped Naruto, making him drop the beam. Naruto fell on his face with a loud thud, and the beam slid straight to Sasuke who had been waiting to take it and give it to a burly builder with a broken nose.

Sasuke said, "Thanks for the pass, dweeb." He gave Naruto a thumbs-up.

"Ow." was all that Naruto said. He planted his hands on the ground pushed himself back to his feet in one smooth motion. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Sakura-chan, sorry, I guess that came out wrong? I mean, if you were stronger, you could have more fun with us instead of . . . what you I call it . . ."

"Supervising," she said.

"Supervising. And anyway, Kakashi-sensei is already doing that." He pointed to Kakashi-sensei, who was sitting at the edge of the bridge, feet dangling above the water, nose buried in an orange book.

She glared at their sensei, but he didn't pay her any attention. "Being nearby and reading smut is not supervising."

"I don't know, some of those books have a pretty good plot . . ."

She looked at Naruto in horror. "You . . . you too? I mean, I shouldn't be surprised—"

"Whoa." Naruto raised both hands. "It's not like that, Sakura-chan." He was going red as quickly as a boiling lobster.

She looked at him with doubt. Naruto could be obnoxious, but she hadn't picked him for a pervert. That would also make him a suspiciously early bloomer, seeing as his and Sasuke-kun's voices had just started breaking, so it's not he would have had the time to develop such desires and oh Kami now she had the image of him and Sasuke-kun 'developing' together and she needed brain-bleach—

"Sakura-chan, are you okay? You are sort of red and breathing really fast." Then his face cleared up. "Oh. Right." He nodded to himself.

She didn't like that look of enlightenment on Naruto's face. "What?" she asked.

"It's okay if you like Jiraya-sama's books. I mean, they are pretty stupid, but there are some good parts."

She stepped toward him, and grabbed him by the front of his jacket. She tugged him close and leaned down toward his left ear. "Naruto, I'll make this as simple as I can. If you ever say in public that I read porn, I will cut off your testicles, broil them, and force you to eat them. Got it?"

He looked at her with fear that was soon replaced by a mischievous smile. "Yes, mam. But, Sakura-chan, you didn't say you don't read such books, did you? And it's cute that you want to make my testicles tastier by broiling."

"Argh!" She let go of him before she caught a terminal case of stupid.

He kept grinning, but his expression was more sheepish now. "After the Pervert Sage fixed me up, he found out I had some problems reading, so he gave me a couple textbooks. I asked him for a novel or something, but I didn't know many kanji, and he sort of didn't have any simple books except, you know, those kinds of books, so, erm, yeah. I didn't know what they were, so I opened one, and the icky stuff didn't start before, like, page fifty." He was red now too, and this conversation made her wish to be swallowed by the ground. Naruto never knew when to shut up though, so he kept going. "And I told him I thought it was stupid how the main guy comes into a village, saves a girl's cow, and how the girl and her sister . . . well, it was stupid. I mean, I don't know about cows, but I'm pretty sure a saved cow would be a dinner and some money, maybe, but not, well, that. So now I'm kind of the Pervert Sage's editor."

Sakura blinked. She hadn't been expecting that. "You are Jiraya-sama's editor. You, who are twelve and couldn't read properly a year ago." She could feel her respect for the legendary ninja draining through a giant hole. What next? Tsunade-sama turning out to be an addict? Sakura shook her head. "What the hell is he thinking?"

Naruto shrugged. "I've edited only one book so far, and it paid pretty well. I need lots of materials and stuff, so I guess it's fine." He was closer to normal color now, even as Sakura felt like she would soon explode from embarrassment and rage. "Plus," he said, "The Perverted Hermit is like Konoha's best infiltrator. He told me I could learn to charm girls from his books."

Sakura rubbed her face with both hands. "Naruto, listen to me closely, for the sake of whatever poor girls end up dating your stupid ass. Unless you want a good ass-kicking or jail time, you should never expect relationships to work like they do in those books. I mean, I don't think that anything between me and Sasuke-kun would be like those romance novels I read all the—" She clamped her mouth shut, but it was too late.

She saw Naruto's mouth open, and he started to turn to Sasuke-kun. She thought she would die from embarrassment, so she surged forward, aiming to kick Naruto in the nuts for the situation he had put her in, but Naruto was on guard this time, and he turned letting her foot hit his hip at an angle. His muscles felt like armor, and she barely made him budge.

"Hey, Sasuke, guess what?" Naruto started saying.

Later Sakura would attribute what she did to panic, adrenaline, and the stupidity that she had contracted from Naruto by talking to him too much.

She stepped toward him. He held out a hand to stop her. She shifted slightly so that instead of it pushing against her sternum, his hand caught her left boob. Naruto squeezed once, his arm went slack, and he turned to her with mouth opening in shock. She could see the terror and guilt in those eyes, and he was completely defenseless, but it wouldn't last—she needed to stun him while she had the chance. She came in closer, easily pushing against his relaxed arm, and grabbed both sides of his face, her thumbs settling against the whisker marks on his cheeks. Naruto's lips looked had a very delicate shape—something she hadn't noticed before. She came in close enough to feel his ragged breath on her skin.

"Sakura-chan?" his pupils were wide with fear and perhaps something else.

Their faces were almost touching. She looked into his eyes and slid a leg between his legs.

"Naruto . . ." she whispered. He smelled of wild herbs and pine. He looked so defenseless now. "Mention the novels to anyone, and I will end you."

She saw realization hit his eyes, and he started to tense, but it was too late. She tugged him closer by the head and thrust forward with the knee she now had well inside his guard. She hit something soft and very different from Naruto's toned muscles. The boy's eyes squinted in pain. He doubled over and said, "Why?" He slid to the ground and curled up in a ball.

Sakura looked away from him and saw that everyone had stopped working and even Kakashi-sensei had closed his book. She said, "Sorry for the commotion, me and Naruto were just having a lesson about keeping private conversations private." She looked down. "Right, Naruto?" His answer was a soft whine. "Right."

She walked up to Kakashi-sensei, hoping her face wasn't too red. "Sensei, I'm sorry, but do we need anything done? You know, away from here?" She tried to keep the pleading out of her tone, but he still grinned and winked at her.

"Sure, Sakura-chan. It's perhaps best to get you to do something before you incapacitate more of our best workers." There was no reproach in his voice though, only amusement. "We'll be sparring in the evening, so it would be great to get some medicinal herbs to reduce inflammation and help muscles heal faster. I was going to send a clone, but it should be good for you. I'll send one of my dogs to keep an eye on you, and you should be able to find what you need nearby. If you encounter any enemies, run back toward us, even if you think you can take them. Seriously, no playing hero. I have enough of that with those too." He jabbed a finger in the direction of Naruto, still curled up, and Sasuke who had walked up and was prodding Naruto with a stick.

She nodded. Boys. Girls were much more rational and easier to deal with.

"All right, off you go then. If you get in trouble, Kamuto will signal me, and I'll Shunhin there, so don't get killed in the meantime. I don't expect Zabuza to attack us on the first day we are here, but missing-nin mercenaries are usually not right in the head."

Sakura set out for the forest.

###

It was refreshing to get away from Tazuna and his bridge builders. All her life Sakura had lived in a ninja village, and now she realized that she had taken certain things for granted, like civilians not looking at her with barely concealed terror, like they did here in Wave.

Even Sasuke-kun had been reasonably civil to everyone, even if he was the most talented ninja of their generation and the civilians were little more than peasants. Not that she thought people deserved to be treated differently based on social class, but still, Sasuke-kun did have reasons to feel superior, so it wasn't hard to understand . . . Anyway, Kakashi-sensei was indifferent to the builders, she and Naruto were cordial, and Sasuke-kun was his usual self, and yet only Tazuna's family would even meet their eyes. It was like they were afraid that the ninjas could go on a rampage at any moment. One time, one of Kakashi-sensei's dogs (Pakkun, was it?) talked while a man was hammering a railing into place, and the guy just jumped into the water; and when Kakashi-sensei landed on the water and gave him a hand, the man looked like he would rather drown than accept it. In the end, Kakashi-sensei gave up and let the guy swim and climb to safety by himself. And she could see that their teacher didn't even bat an eye, which begged the question: was the entire world outside the ninja villages like this? She had always found it a bit strange: all this talk of Will of Fire and the desire to put so many supposedly secret operatives in one village, but if this was the only way the ninjas could belong, then she understood.

Thoughts rolled through her head in a jumbled ball, and she didn't pay as much attention as she should have to her surroundings. Sakura focused on the ground in front of her, looking for the medicinal herbs she would need. Naruto had also asked her to grab whatever else caught her eye, telling her that he could use his stupid power to learn about medicinal salves and the like just by making random infusions. She had no idea how it was supposed to work, and it worried her how little Naruto's insanity bothered her after little more than a month on a team with him.

She saw an herb with tiny blue flowers that looked like bells, took out her knife, cut it, and put it into her bag.

"That is both a laxative and a poison, you know."

Sakura whirled around, brandishing her knife in front of her. What she found was a woman of ephemeral beauty in a kimono, holding her empty hands up in a pacifying gesture.

"Peace. I just wanted to help a fellow healer."

Her smile was sincere and carefree, and her moves were unthreatening, so Sakura lowered the blade. "That kimono looks expensive," she said.

"Do you like it?" the woman gave a twirl. "My master gave it to me. It's my favorite."

It did look expensive and clean, and that was very strange in the middle of the forest. A beautiful girl dressed like this, walking alone in a bandit-infested country—she should have been robbed and raped five minutes after walking out of her home, and yet here she was, alive and looking perfect. Sakura put away the blade, making sure it was in easy reach. "Are there non-poisonous laxatives around here?" she asked. "My grandfather is having trouble with, ehm, and he told me only about these ones."

"What's your name?" Sakura asked, returning to cutting the herbs she needed.

"Akiko. Born in September I was."

"I'm Makoto. Nice to meet you, Akiko-san."

She was sure that name was as bogus as hers: no way Akiko's tranquil smile was natural. There was such a thing as overacting, she mused. Akiko gave off the vibe of some Lord's concubine—someone who'd have people to cut her nails, not someone who would be in a forest cutting herbs. And she wouldn't be giving her first name to some random girl in plain clothes. Really, she was a terrible spy. If Sakura had been sure that Akiko was as bad at killing people as she was at lying, she wouldn't have hesitated to knock her out.

"You seem fond of your master, Akiko-san," said Sakura.

Akiko said, "Ah, let me help: you need to pinch the stem higher—you only need the flowers of this one. They ease swelling, but the leaves are might as well be grass. And yes, I adore my master. He is powerful, he is wise, and I only wish to be of some help, to protect him and help him however I can. What about you, Makoto-chan? Do you have someone like that?" She winked. "Perhaps a boyfriend who often gets hurt?"

An image of Sasuke crept into her mind: limping from some great battle, covered in bruises. And she would be there with ointments and bandages, and she would order him to strip . . .

"My, you are going red. Got it that bad, huh?"

Sakura shook her head. "It's nothing like that! It's just that bridge builders are overworking themselves, so this is for them!"

"Uh-huh. Sure, I believe you. That's why you are alone, cutting healing herbs in bandit-infested woods. You really are careless, Makoto-chan."

"What about you?"

Akiko chuckled, "Oh, the men here know better than to try anything. My master isn't someone you want to make an enemy of." She took out a string, tied together a bunch of herbs she had gathered, and put it into a basket on her left arm. "Nice talking to you, Makoto-chan. I hope you find people you'll protect no matter what."

The woman left the clearing, but Sakura kept working. In two minutes there was a rustle, and a ninja dog came out of the bushes. Kamuto-san was dark-brown, with long, lean legs.

"She lingered for a minute in hearing range and then left, Sakura-san," he said.

Sakura straightened her back and stood up. "If you can, track her to wherever he is staying, then report back to us. I'll go and tell Kakashi-sensei and the others."

The dog huffed. "You forget that Kakashi is the one to give me orders. But your suggestion sounds reasonable, pup, so I'll allow it. I will track her."

###

When Sakura got back, she found Kakashi-sensei training Sasuke-kun near the house while Naruto practiced by himself. She could see four clones of his patrolling, and there were probably more. The stab of jealousy surprised her: he was almost an army unto himself. At some point Naruto would become a competent ninja, and would he even need the team then? She shook her head. Now wasn't the time.

Sasuke-kun was attacking their teacher with all he had. They would stand twenty feet apart, and then he would be off, darting at an angle, while Kakashi-sensei chucked shuriken at him and backpedaled. Sasuke-kun would see a volley coming, stick his feet to the ground using Chakra, crouch, and then dash in a different direction. If it took too long, then Kakashi-sensei would launch a sheet of fire at him and yell, "Hurry it up! You need to be able to close the distance." She decided not to interrupt them. In two minutes, Sasuke-kun finally got within eight feet of their teacher, and the solemn expression he had worn was replaced with a hungry grin. Fire ignited from the tip of his kunai, slashing at Kakashi in great arcs and igniting the grass on fire. He lacked the mastery of their sensei, but he tried to compensate for it with passion and determination. The way he fought always pulled her to him: to support him, to create a distraction, to do something. But she stayed in place, because she knew from experience that the fastest way to get Sasuke-kun furious with her was to get between him and personal training.

Two slashes of fire were closing in on Kakashi-sensei from the left and right, and Sasuke-kun had maneuvered him into a pine tree that went sixty feet up. She thought sensei would jump, but Sasuke-kun was close enough now that he could slash one more time, and create a flame tongue descending on sensei's head. It looked like she would be helping treat some burns today.

Kakashi made a familiar Seal and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The flames tore into in but found only a rock falling to the ground. With an angry sputter of yellow fading to orange, they died and Sasuke-kun was left standing in front of the tree, why Kakashi-sensei stood behind him, a kunai at his neck.

"Well fought, Sasuke-kun. But you need to be aware that while you are trying to execute your strategy, the enemy will be trying to realize their own, unless they are an idiot, which, I admit, would often be true. Sakura, why don't you join us for training? You should have more ideas about your abilities and how to use them."

Sasuke said, "Tsk. I couldn't even land one good hit."

"Now, Sasuke-kun, it would be worrisome if you did. I was hailed as the genius of my generation of ninja, you know."

Everybody was training like they still had plenty of time. For once, she would be the one to break the tranquility. Sakura said, "I think I just met that other ninja, the one who had pulled Zabuza out."

Kakashi-sensei's slouch was gone, and Sasuke-kun's grip on his kunai whitened. Kakashi-sensei said, "Already?" He looked her over, then sniffed, then pulled up the forehead protector, and the Sharingan did a quick spin. "You don't look like you've been hurt in any way. Hey, Naruto! Send for more clones to Tazuna's house With orders to pop and signal us if anyone approaches. I don't care if it's the milkman—don't think he's safe and don't try to disable him. And get over here, we need to change some plans. Pakkun, go and back him up." He turned back to Sakura. "Now, tell us what happened and leave nothing out."

 **End of Chapter Notes**

I hope you have been well. In February, we had a nasty flu sweep through the workplace, and I cut back on writing and everything else, because everyone, including me, is too stubborn to take sick leave, so we pretty much kept getting ill until everyone had immunity to everything—it sucked.

Among good news, I discovered the magic of Persona 5 and let it carry me through snot-ridden solitary evenings of this past month. What a great game. On that note _A Demon Among Devils_ by The Crimson Lord is a _High School DxD / Persona_ crossover that you should check out if you are into either fandom. It's very difficult to handle OP characters without making the story boring, but the author imposes limits and psychological issues on the protagonist that keep things interesting while still raising badassery over 9000. I mean, Minato has archangels, archdemons, and death itself living in his head. It's great.

Anyway, about this story. I've found that forcing Gamer elements into every chapter was killing the fun of writing for me. I'll cut back on action where it doesn't belong and see how it feels. Sorry for still searching for the right tone 54k words in, but I need to find the voice that will let me publish chapters regularly.

 **Review replies**

IveGotNoIdea:

Thank you. I'm not into bashing in general: it can be fun, but it gets old fast. Besides, while I've always thought that Sasuke is an ass, he has a good reason to be one: his brother killed his parents in front of him, so I can't even blame him for going traitor in canon. I'm more interested in exploring other options though.

Yana5:

Naruto's abilities work fully only near Naruto. The stuff learned through leveling up stays, but to keep getting experience and levels, people need to participate in conflicts that Naruto is a part of.

Sayla Ragnarok:

Thank you! I'm trying to give characters depth, and it's great that you see it in Sasuke.

Harems are . . . difficult. If you've played a lot of RPGs that aren't pure smut, you'll know that going after multiple heroines usually ends in the protagonist being forced to choose. Off the top of my head, the only western game I've played with a multiple partner option was Bioware's Jade Empire (and you had to really try to get that option without a guide). It's a bit more common in visual novels but usually only in select routes and under certain conditions, and if it's a serious novel, the guy rarely gets more than two girls. So, yeah, this won't be a gotta-catch-them-all story.

Darksnider05:

Well, Sasuke is a jerk to everybody and views everyone as ways to increase his own power, so he would be rude to Sakura. He is worse in canon, if memory serves me right. And it's just how things are in life: if you are the weakest person in the room, you get treated as such, even if the entire room are gods when compared to ordinary people (as ninjas are compared to civilians).

###

I will see you next time. And to those who are also reading my Star Wars fic: I'll have a new chapter for you by Wednesday. It's great to be healthy.

Stay shiny.


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